[jazrobinson]

My anxiety these past few days has been flaring up because of the constant critical thoughts that keep flooding my mind. My counsellor pointed out that most of them seem to be on the topic of "what will others think" and I can't help but think every step I take in my life is a mistake and that everyone is judging me. I can't help but think I perpetually upset people or make people feel frustrated with me or that my crying and sadness is so over the top that it puts people on edge. I'm afraid of hurting others all the time and i know it's because of some trauma that happened years ago to me as a child and i hate that my past rules my life. I'm an adult and I like to think that my childhood is behind me and that I don't have to be this way anymore but it's like it's ingrained in me and no matter how many positive affirmations I search for on Pinterest or how many meditation sessions I take every day, or self-care techniques or how many counselling sessions... it's like I can't find the right way to re-wire my mind and calm & quiet it. It won't stop. I don't know how to love myself. I don't know how to be kind to myself. I've tried so hard. It's like I can't help but think all my friends must secretly hate me, when nothing they've done warrants that. I can't help but think that everything I do must offend them in some way because knowing me I just somehow believe I inevitably upset people, when I don't. I feel alone, I feel unloved and I feel stuck. I don't know how to get out of this, even though I try and remind myself this isn't permanent.

You're not alone in feeling this way. One of my bigger problems is believing every little thing I say and do is upsetting someone. I'm convinced that there are at least ten different people upset at me now at this moment, though I don't have much evidence to back that up.

I wish I had more to offer than just the camaraderie of suffering through the same terrible false narrative in our heads. But I do hear you.

[jazrobinson]

Originally Posted by Bjørnen

You're not alone in feeling this way. One of my bigger problems is believing every little thing I say and do is upsetting someone. I'm convinced that there are at least ten different people upset at me now at this moment, though I don't have much evidence to back that up.

I wish I had more to offer than just the camaraderie of suffering through the same terrible false narrative in our heads. But I do hear you.

But it does help to know that others understand this feeling too, so thank you.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to your feelings as well

[Fuzzybear]

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you have these feelings. Can you continue working on this in therapy? Those are very cumbersome beliefs to be lugging around. Sending big hugs.

Yes, continue to work on this in therapy. Past traumas take time to overcome, and sometimes well into adulthood. Have patience with yourself and with the process. A true sign of growth as an adult is when we let go of the need to people please, have people like us or approve of us. We can accept who we are and leave out what others think of us. It's good to be mindful of others feelings of course and to be thoughtful if we think we've upset someone. But to constantly worry that you've upset people or what they are thinking about you is a terrible burden to carry. Keep working on self acceptance, self love and healing of old wounds.. it will come in time. I've been working on this through most of my adulthood. ((((Hugs)))))

[8Loop]

I'm sorry that you are feeling like that. I also struggle with that kind of anxiety and it feels awful. I recently came across a TED talk that is helping me with this anxiety and self acceptance. It is by Tracy McMillan and is called "The person you really need to marry". She describes self love in more practical terms for me to follow. I hope it helps.

[Persephone518]

Originally Posted by jazrobinson

My anxiety these past few days has been flaring up because of the constant critical thoughts that keep flooding my mind. My counsellor pointed out that most of them seem to be on the topic of "what will others think" and I can't help but think every step I take in my life is a mistake and that everyone is judging me. I can't help but think I perpetually upset people or make people feel frustrated with me or that my crying and sadness is so over the top that it puts people on edge. I'm afraid of hurting others all the time and i know it's because of some trauma that happened years ago to me as a child and i hate that my past rules my life. I'm an adult and I like to think that my childhood is behind me and that I don't have to be this way anymore but it's like it's ingrained in me and no matter how many positive affirmations I search for on Pinterest or how many meditation sessions I take every day, or self-care techniques or how many counselling sessions... it's like I can't find the right way to re-wire my mind and calm & quiet it. It won't stop. I don't know how to love myself. I don't know how to be kind to myself. I've tried so hard. It's like I can't help but think all my friends must secretly hate me, when nothing they've done warrants that. I can't help but think that everything I do must offend them in some way because knowing me I just somehow believe I inevitably upset people, when I don't. I feel alone, I feel unloved and I feel stuck. I don't know how to get out of this, even though I try and remind myself this isn't permanent.

You have just described me 100%, so needless to say I can relate. I feel like I've been in therapy for ages and still not made any progress in this area. It's very disheartening and frustrating, but still I persist. My T says that's a sign of strength (that I refuse to give up when it comes to my emotional health). These things do take time. A lifetime of negative thinking patterns isn't going to be resolved quickly. And that's okay! If it's any consolation, these feelings are extremely common and most people out there struggle with insecurity to come degree. Even the most seemingly confident and carefree people. You're definitely not alone in this.

[KristenRenee]

Originally Posted by jazrobinson

My anxiety these past few days has been flaring up because of the constant critical thoughts that keep flooding my mind. My counsellor pointed out that most of them seem to be on the topic of "what will others think" and I can't help but think every step I take in my life is a mistake and that everyone is judging me. I can't help but think I perpetually upset people or make people feel frustrated with me or that my crying and sadness is so over the top that it puts people on edge. I'm afraid of hurting others all the time and i know it's because of some trauma that happened years ago to me as a child and i hate that my past rules my life. I'm an adult and I like to think that my childhood is behind me and that I don't have to be this way anymore but it's like it's ingrained in me and no matter how many positive affirmations I search for on Pinterest or how many meditation sessions I take every day, or self-care techniques or how many counselling sessions... it's like I can't find the right way to re-wire my mind and calm & quiet it. It won't stop. I don't know how to love myself. I don't know how to be kind to myself. I've tried so hard. It's like I can't help but think all my friends must secretly hate me, when nothing they've done warrants that. I can't help but think that everything I do must offend them in some way because knowing me I just somehow believe I inevitably upset people, when I don't. I feel alone, I feel unloved and I feel stuck. I don't know how to get out of this, even though I try and remind myself this isn't permanent.

Hi there. You would be amazed if when you find that you forgive yourself that everything else starts to fall into place. You will find that you no longer care what others think of you. It's what you think of you. It's taken me many years to come to this conclusion but it sure has worked for me. Good luck to you.

at this current moment, which I am sure you've read somewhere, I have been served eviction from where I am.

I am finding it really difficult to believe that the people here actually care what happens to me.
several times now, people have tried to convince me that they don't want me to go, and that they are shocked I am leaving.

but... it's hard.

I don't believe it for 1 moment

people hate me and want me out

sometimes i get thoughts at night.. everyone is having a confrence where they are just talking about me and my upcoming move

oh you know that person who lives here?. they are going.

good riddence

or something to that affect

what's strange is that usually I don't have this problem.

usually I don't care what people think of me.

I am what I am, and that's that. if people don't like it, then it's their problem

i'm not going to change just because someone hates me.

but in this circumstance..

[Shazerac]

Sorry you are so stuck in sadness and not loving yourself right now

Logically it seems like we should all just grow up and leave childhood behind. Easy Peasy. But there is no room for logic when we are in emotional pain. Unfortunately it's just not that simple. Especially in cases where there was neglect and abuse.

The worst of all is feeling shame or believing that somehow it was our fault. It can take a long time to come to grips with that. All I can say is start treating yourself as if you were your very own best friend. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would for a friend who is suffering. Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself that you love you with all your heart and soul. It may feel like a bald faced lie. But eventually you WILL learn to love yourself.

As you start loving yourself, the worry about what other people think of you will start to drop away

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much..

In my experience, trauma isn't something you can just get over. It needs to be worked through. You say it's like the feelings are ingrained in you - I actually think that is a very good literal way to describe what happens when you're traumatized. Because you weren't able to process what happened, those experiences are still in you. The emotions you were never able to feel, the experiences you did not get a chance to - and maybe wouldn't even have been able to - put into words. You can do that now in therapy. It can be a long and sometimes arduous road that many people never take - but I can tell you it's also SO worth it to get to know the person you were never really able to fully become.

There's a lot of talk about not letting the past rule your present and leaving your childhood behind you, but here's another way of looking at it.. Your life isn't just about chunks of time, childhood, adulthood, old age, with you jumping from one to the other - it was YOU, YOU were experiencing everything that happened.. It doesn't really matter how long ago it was. If something happened that you weren't able to deal with, it'll stay within you till you do work through it. I find that positive affirmations, meditation etc. can make you feel better for a moment, but you'll be a slave to them all your life unless you actually deal with what's still hurting you.. Now, it seems some people are perfectly happy turning to these methods over and over again to distract themselves from the pain, and if it works, good for them! Personally, I got tired of chasing the good feelings, chose to face the past in order to get to a place of a different kind of peace, a place where I can just be with whatever it is that I'm feeling without the need to turn it into anything else. I still have work to do on this, probably for the rest of my life, but have come a long way already! Also, I'm finding that once I'm able to actually feel the difficult feelings too, they pass a lot quicker

As for being obsessed with what other people think of you, this has been me all over. I've found it's partly about having lost trust in people as a child, and what I've needed to do is learn to trust again, starting with a very safe, dependable therapist and then daring to put my trust in others as well, one person at a time.. AND having my therapist support me and guide me forward when someone has let me down again, as we people sometimes do since we're not perfect

I've recognized this obsession is also about fear of abandonment for me. The fear of people not accepting me, and me being all alone in the world - this mirrors what I experienced as a child. I'd actually say that worrying about what other people think has a very natural and benign aspect to it - if we weren't accepted as babies and small kids, we literally would not have survived! However as adults, we're not dependent on anyone in that way anymore - if one person doesn't accept us, we need to keep looking till we find ones that do. This is also precisely the journey of learning to love oneself - I wasn't loved enough as a kid and learned I was unlovable. I now need to let people prove me wrong It's hard work.. Takes a lot of courage, learning to trust people, and trusting the fact that I was put into this world for a reason - that I would not have been if I was inherently bad!

I hope I've given you some food for thought.. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey

[Wunderland]

Boy can I relate to this thread. Thanks for posting it, and know that you're not alone.

[Turtle_Rider]

Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed with this thoughts, I said to myself: "Nobody even think or remember of what you've done."

For me building up a 'bank' of positive affirmations is helpful, it was a tip I got on here from a member.

This can be done physically, you can keep a box, or some place special, reserved for nice memories with friends & or family - this might be photos, little keepsakes, greetings cards etc. You can go back to this box when you need to and remind yourself of the evidence people like and care about you.

Or it can be something you practice mentally, spending time where you think about something nice that you did with people you care about, something that will make you smile. When you revisit memories often they can become stronger.

This can be a challenging feeling to cope with but recognising that it is faulty thinking is in itself a positive step.

[Enceladus]

I completely understand how you must be feeling. A lot of what you wrote sounds like my story. I just began DBT and a PTSD class and I am hoping that these will give me tools I can use, which in turn, will help re-wire my brain. I'm 34 and my trauma was 5-6. That's almost 30 years of my mind working this way. It's not going to happen away but making a commitment to fight for yourself and work really hard may lead to a happier life. I have been unskillful and unsuccessful in my coping skills thus far so it's time to make some major changed.
Try not to be too hard on yourself! Every little incremental improvement (or even being mindful to be aware of such improvement) I see, I feel a sense that I am moving in the right direction.
Don't give up and I hope some of this helps.

Take care.