[xxxyyyzzz]

I didn't know where to put this so I thought this forum was the best one:

I'm always seen as a very emotional person, I get happy and sad easily over the smallest things, like not having time to go out or have quality time with my bf, or a customer at my job yelled at me, things like that. But when it comes to things I should really be sad about, I don't feel anything:
•My parents used to fight a lot, and I remember one time when I was about 15 years old (I'm 20 now), my dad came into the room and told us that he was going to leave, that he was no longer going to live with us. My sister cried, and I just sat there like "okay then, bye". I didn't really care that he was leaving when I really should have. He stayed because my sister got mad and started telling him things.
•When my dad actually left 2 years later, my mom and sister were sad about it, and I did cry a little bit, but I got over it extremely quickly. Quicker than everyone else.
•That same year (almost 3 years ago), I lost a really close friend of mine because of me: he had told me that one of his family members had passed away right in front of his face, and what did I do? Nothing. I've never had a family member pass away, except for an uncle of mine but I was very young, I don't remember him. I didn't know what to tell my friend, I didn't know how to be supportive, and it took me almost 3 years to come to terms with the fact that I didn't care at the time. I had my own personal problems to worry about, and I thought his trauma wasn't a big deal, when it really was. He needed me, and I wasn't there.
•When my parents decided to separate a little over a year ago, I didn't feel anything. And when my mom found someone else, I didn't feel anything. My sister, however, was sad/mad about the whole situation.
•It wasn't until today, when I found out a couple of hours ago that my sister has been harming herself, when I realized something is wrong with me: I don't feel anything. My mom and dad are devastated, even my boyfriend is hurt about all this, and I talk about it like it's nothing. I don't cry, I'm not mad, I'm not sad, it almost feels as if all these things haven't been happening to me. I went to work like nothing. I completely forgot about it.

If you've reached this point, thank you for reading this. It means a lot. I just don't seem to understand why I make it seem like I don't care about things that I should really care about. I do have emotions, I do have feelings. I express myself to people, but it's just these major things when my body just shuts down and decides that it's not a big deal, and it worries me a lot.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think you should see a doctor or a therapist to be evaluated correctly.

Yes. I can relate. Not much emotional reaction to anything important, parents leaving all the time, illnesses, bad things happening, and I adapt easily. People said I am brave but I think no one paid attention to me so there was no point in feeling or expressing my feelings. It's hard to realize the impact of something when you're right in the middle of it. It's hard to care about things outside yourself when they hurt you.

I think this can be called survival mode.

Of course, I'm very emotional now. Everything gets to me. Everything reminds me of the bad things, but when the bad things actually happen, I don't care.

I was very numb until about now, actually.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with Mickey. ((((Hugs)))). I can see emptynightmare’s point: you may be in survival mode or maybe you just aren’t as emotional as your mother/sister.

[crystal blue]

Hi, it sounds like the symptom they call emotional numbing. I think it would help you to get a diagnosis that you can rely on. Find a counselor in your community to get the diagnosis done. Then you can get the symptoms treated.

[Krow]

Perhaps I can largely relate as well. Typically the only major emotion in which I feel regularly is mere frustration, though the others are still there, merely infrequently. Even when I was little, and as I lost several family members and pets throughout the years, I cannot really say that I ever felt any different, even immediately following their deaths. My parents also divorced at one point, and even that never bothered me. As great tragedies arise in modern day, while I may sympathize with the families of countless victims to a certain degree, oddly enough, I never resented the culprits.

The only typical time that other emotions become rather prominent is when I am reading, watching, or playing through a story. Maybe it is the music, the atmosphere, the story, the philosophy, or perhaps it is something else entirely. Where I have never cried at a funeral in my life, on rare occasions, there is a story which manages just that. Really, I never knew exactly why it was that way, but there is little more that I appreciate in this world than a fantastic story.

[Bill3]

How were you treated when you were growing up?

[Thunder Bow]

You are stronger than you think you are. I can see why you felt the way you did around family situations.

[xxxyyyzzz]

Originally Posted by Bill3

How were you treated when you were growing up?

Bill, I'm sorry I took this long to reply, I just didn't know how to answer your question.
Now that I took a couple of days to think about it, I was never given the chance to make mistakes growing up. I was always seen as the smart, straight-A's girl that seems to have her life together (even though there were times when I really didn't). My parents and family always had high standards for me and I had a lot of pressure to be the "perfect role model" for everyone else (having good grades, graduating high school, going to college, get a job, etc). I guess I didn't really have the chance to have emotions or expressing said emotions because then I was seen as weak or vulnerable. I can compare it to parents always wanting to be strong for their children and how the kids can never see mom/dad mad or sad, let alone crying. They have created a barrier where they can only show their emotions in certain occasions, and I think that's what happened to me. I was never shown that it was okay to be sad, or to fail here and there, that I can't be good at everything, and now I have to pretend that I know what I'm doing in life when I don't. So now that all these things have happened in my life, I have no way to reacting to them since I "can't be" torn down this easily.

[avlady]

According to my late grandmother, some people can get through the big things and not handle the little frustrations referring to me. She was that way too. i myself am somewhere in the middle but i get frustrated and cry over spilled milk so as to say.Some people can just handle things differently than others but if you think it is a problem too bad you should talk to a doc or therapst.