Those Stories You Want to Tell

I really need to manage my time better. I tell myself that I will go to bed at a decent hour so I can get up and finish my final project and study for a test.

Noooo I decide to play video games until past 2AM.

FML

I thought my negative daydreams about obsessions started when I was 19, but now I realise it was when I was around 12. Though they were nothing compared to the ones I have now.

Yay I get to wake up early and go to boring *** work all day.

I am tired of doing things I don't enjoy to make a living. I need to do something about it soon.

When I was about 18, I had a huge crush on a guy from a rock band. I put a big picture of him in my sig on ezboard (online forum site where you could use the same account on different forums made on the site, it doesn't exist anymore now).

I got banned from one forum because the picture was too big, they didn't even warn me. After that someone on another forum warned me about it, so I changed it to something smaller.

The guy wasn't even my "type" so I have no idea why I had a crush on him anyway.

I remember ezboard

and voy forums, and server.com

in fact I had my own forum on voy forums for a while- inspired by my time on the dinosaur website (well kind of)

so when I did run my forum on voy forums (it was calledd the chill-out-lounge) I ran across 2 problems.

the first one was a spammer who went by the name CTM (he was on the old dinosaur forum, and somehow find the link to this new one) and kept commenting to me that I didn't know how to run a forum, if I did, I'd have more members, etc etc, whhich really hurt me- I ended up saying to him look, if you could run a forum better than me, then why don't you have one?

and he's like.. I don't need one. my bad attitude is all I need

and then the school blocked the voy forum website so I couldn't access it

well, it was sort of down to me.. I sent an email round about it, hey everyone, come to the chill out lounge, come and post what ever (you didn't have accounts, you just went on and posted)

and somehow it got to the computer administrator and he banned the site so I couldn't manage it.

I swore, cursed, screamd, everything- I even tried to explain but he didn't unblock it

from what I remember the server just deleted it in the end due to lack of activity

on an old forum I was on (the dinosaur one), I liked a certain poster rank- apprentice

so I messaged the administrator to ask them if I could always be apprentice- regardless of post count

she agreed and set my rank to always be apprentice

then just to add the finishing touches, I changed my username to something with apprentice in it (apprentice16, I believe)

so I was apprentice apprentice

I suppose it was a little embarrassing at first, but it was so cool

I been banned from forums plenty of time and I was never want and never knew why. Someone else lied about a rumor they start and tried to say that I start the rumor.

I used to be bothered by the cold, but now I'm not. Now, I can walk up to work in 4 degree weather like it's nothing.

I'm unsure why exactly, but I have a theory.

There was actual research done that showed that somebody who feels lonely has a reduced body temp. This is because, back in the early days of humanity back when we lived in tribes and villages, being banished from the tribe typically meant certain death. Therefore, feeling cold was a response to being away from the tribe.

I think that because of how alone I've been my whole life, I have adapted by feeling cold all the time. I think that my resilience to the cold weather has increased as a result of prolonged loneliness.

When I was a child I had a small doll with very long hair. The hair got badly tangled so I cut it off, and it looked really stupid. I tried to hide it but my mum found it and told me off.

once I was at a sleepover at someone's house, and I really didn't like her

so I solved the problem by walking out her front door and getting lost

well I eventually found a door to knock on which I did, and it turned out that it was her friend alex

so I told alex this made up story about being lost and needing to get home and she let me in, gave me a drink and took me back to where I needed to be. I am surprised that she never thought of telling this person I'd left her house, but perhaps she didn't know, or she did- but knew of my hatred for her

no idea why, but I always called alex dunder toes. I said it once and it just stuck with me

About 10 years ago I was out shopping with some people. While we were walking around, I thought I saw something small and dark drop from one of them. It was from the corner of my eye so didn't see properly and couldn't see it on the floor. It was very busy, loads of people and thought it could have been anything. So I forgot about it.

Then the next day this person said they had lost something. A small object which could have been what I saw drop. I then felt really bad, was conviced it was that, but never saw anything.

I tried to make excuses to myself:
- This person was quite scatterbrained and could have lost the object anywhere
- What I saw could have been anything
- It wasn't on the floor so it must have got kicked away very quickly
- Even if I had known, could I have done anything? It was very busy and it could have been kicked a long way away in any direction, impossible to find

Still feel bad now really. They never did find that thing. So I've convinced myself that it was that I saw.

I have to forgive myself because I really didn't know and it's over now and in the past. There's nothing I can do about it.

The bad thing I did in 2010, I did it again 5 years later, though I didn't take it so far so it turned out OK. Well nowhere near as bad as the first time. I'm always beating myself up about it. Would have been bad enough if I'd only done it once, but to try again, knowing full well what would happen, that was just stupid. But it's in the past, nothing I can do about it. Can't change the past, the damage is done now and I have to accept that, forgive myself and move on.

Also there is another person I'm struggling to forgive and move on from, because he is still around. I don't want to talk about what happened, and really it wasn't "to me" but it has affected me very negatively. He caused the problems I have today, although it was my own fault for letting this spiral out of control.

I was bullied most of the time at school. There was another girl who was also bullied a lot for being overweight. I didn't care about peoples' weights so we became friends. In fact at some points I was the only one not making fun of her.

After school she went to uni, I didn't, so we didn't see each other. Then I randomly met her when I was out shopping and we talked for a bit. She said that she was a lot happier since she left school. She said she found out what real friends are, and "that none of them were from high school"

Sheesh, thanks!

Back when I made fake people up my forum, I didn't always keep them there. Sometimes I posted as them on other forums, mostly that was rarely. But once I decided to use one account a lot on another forum. The admin found out and told me when I was saying something on a thread.

She said it was the same IP address, which I hadn't thought about! So the other forums I was on, they probably noticed there too. I felt so embarrassed. I had to leave that site where I was found out.

happened to me many, many times

most of the time I don't even know (did)

I remember on one site the admin banned me after finding out that I was using 2 accounts- and when he messaged me about it, I told him that it wasn't me- of course it wasn't.. why would I do that?

he banned me in.. I think late 2012

in 2016, I heard from friends that that site was closing- and knew that I had to get back on their (despite having no accounts)

I managed to rejoin, but was very apprihensive- especially after I saw the same admin that banned me was still their

the first day he wrote to me... you know this site well, have you been here before?

I'm like no.... course not, I'm stacy- never been on this site

well, he didn't question it again and I stayed on until the website closed

but now it's closed I'm going to tell him.

he can't do anything to me... the website doesnt exist

another time (also relating to 2 accounts), my brother signed up to a forum and started messaging the administrator rude stuff

at the time, I was a moderator on the site in question and we shared the same IP

talk about livid. not only losing my job as a moderator but losing a friend

and it wasn't even my fault

back when I was a kid, I was friends with a woman called jane

jane had 4 kids, and she braught her kids everything- if they wanted it in the house, jane would buy it for them

one day when I went to jane's house, I saw a big machine in the hallway with flashing lights

I'm like to her... what's that, jane?. it looks really good

she explained that it was a fruit machine and you put money in it to play a game (and try and win stuff back). her older kids kelly and emma wanted it for themselves (the boys were too young to play with it)

I played it every time I went round her house from that day on, I loved it (and even won money sometimes)

well one day when I went round her house she told me she'd got me a fruit machine of my own

I'm like wow, really?. a full sized fruit machine?. just like yours?

but it wasn't... what she'd got me was a tiny tiny version of it (you could actually hold it on your lap), and it didn't have the lights or the buttons

I remember going from like wow... I can't believe it, to.... I'm actually let down by this

and I felt so bad too, because she did make an effert- and I did keep it for a couple of months before getting rid of it

I trusted the wrong person and he ruined my entire life.