[shakespeare47]

If you're like me, you've been in conversations with people, and you start to feel uncomfortable... I find it's sometimes that case, that in the conversation in question, my interlocutor is basically saying to me, "I think you're so stupid, you actually believe...."

This morning my wife told me she thought I was stupid because I didn't understand that philosophers don't actually know what they're talking about.

[Thunder Bow]

Personal accusations will not win an argument. They put themselves at a disadvantage. You win.

It has nothing to do with you. It shows who they are. You're the one trying to live your life. They're not very happy with themselves.

Your wife called you stupid?? I'm kind of shocked by that, perhaps she did not mean it as harshly as it comes over in print but still.

Maybe you should ask her what that makes her seeing as she married a stupid man.

[shakespeare47]

I kinda regret starting this thread.
I've been presented with the idea that it's not helpful to obsess about injuries to one's pride.

I think you've every right to feel hurt and slighted. Being bullied - especially in a relationship - is never acceptable. To obsess over it is only natural. I think in this case you need to let your wife know how hurt and belittled you felt. Doing so is a big accomplishment that ought to make you feel vindicated and much better.

[shakespeare47]

My wife has been pretty supportive over the years. I do feel like I owe her the benefit of the doubt at times.

But, it's still true that some conversations (not only with my wife) can make me feel frustrated because there are unstated judgments (or unstated assumptions that my interlocutor is making), one of those assumptions appears to me to be "you're so stupid you believe..."

[Astrada]

hmmm shakespeare47

quote "This morning my wife told me she thought I was stupid because I didn't understand that philosophers don't actually know what they're talking about" unquote.

Have you considered you are focusing on the wrong aspect of that conversation?

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Astrada

hmmm shakespeare47

quote "This morning my wife told me she thought I was stupid because I didn't understand that philosophers don't actually know what they're talking about" unquote.

Have you considered you are focusing on the wrong aspect of that conversation?

What do you suppose is the right aspect?

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

But, ........ there are unstated judgments (or unstated assumptions that my interlocutor is making), one of those assumptions appears to me to be "you're so stupid you believe..."

Oh, so these people don't actually say you are stupid - big difference. I am making my own judgement here then that you may have an issue with self-esteem. If people have an idea that differs from your own that does not mean they think yours is unworthy. What are your feelings about the reverse? I believe challenging thoughts or creating a discourse is healthy.

[Astrada]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

What do you suppose is the right aspect?

Questioning your wife's statement.

justafriend explained it well.

[shakespeare47]

I suppose what I could do is acknowledge that sometimes when I'm in a conversation, I get the strong feeling that my interlocutor is attacking me in subtle or not-so subtle ways. I also get the sense that if I confronted my interlocutor, they would deny it. But, I usually don't confront them.