Give me reasons to move forward

I'm 24. I've been suffering from depression, eating disorders and anxiety for 10 years now. I have extremely low self confidence and every little trigger makes me want to die. I'm mainly sensitive on social rejection and acceptance from other people, yet I have no social confidence and am very introverted.

I've never gotten a proper treatment for any of my issues. I always quit the treatment too fast. I'd been seeing my psychiatrist for 6 month before I quit the last time, the same about my therapist. The therapy was completely useless because I didn't talk at all.

I've been seeing my psychiatrist on and off for the last 4 years. Eventually I always decide, that I'm actually fine and I don't need this. He never seems to judge me when I come back, but I know it's not ok. I've been switching therapists for a long time. I always eventually feel like they can't understand me or help me anyway, so I always quit. Most of the time I refuse to talk.

I'm like this with everything in my life. I always start something new and quit before it can have any effect. I don't know how to deal with it...

I'm feeling really down. I have very short moments in my life that make me happy. But the happiness always lasts for only few days. After that my feelings just get worse and worse until I usually hit the rock bottom of suicidal thoughts.

I have all the reasons to be happy. I've lately finished my dream university, I have a job, a boyfriend, friends who like me, family that supports me. I have absolutely everything and yet I'm able to feel only the negative feelings and the positive ones are extremely short and very subtle.

I've tried to change my life many times, I've tried therapy, pills, new places, creating schedules, exercise, I'm very artistic and creative, but nothing helps. Nothing can keep me feeling motivated long enough to actually make it meaningful and good for me.

I'm a lost case right? There is no hope for me...

My heart hurts when I see posts like this because I understand what it feels like to be caught in depression and feel hopeless. You are not a lost cause. I find one thing that helps is focusing on the short term. Only look at each day. When you look ahead it becomes overwhelming. Do remind yourself of the positives, but know that it is okay to still feel sad.

Have you considered ECT or TMS as options? Some people that can get relief no other way benefit from these treatments.

Above all else, please know that you matter. I know it's hard, but you are important. I also believe it can get better and the journey will be worth it.

Therapy is often difficult and takes time to work. You tend to quit when you don't see immediate results, but if you want to benefit from therapy then you need to accept that the benefit is not going to be immediate and you need to push through that difficulty. You want a reason to move forward, so you want to move forward. There's your reason to do it.

Acceptance is always the first step to solving a problem. You need to accept the problem for what it is and find ways to solve it or cope with it. Not all problems have a permanent solution and this is a reality that everyone has to accept throughout life. It's all in how you deal with it and a therapist can help you with strategizing with specific issues as well as coach you on using what's known as "mindfulness." If you didn't already know, mindfulness is a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. The key is to not place judgment or attach yourself to these thoughts/feelings. This takes a lot of practice, because you're basically training your brain. After all, your brain is a muscle and as with any other muscle, it needs exercise to grow stronger. After a while, these exercises become easier and more natural.