[BlueJeans00]

Make things clear before reading this.

I went to see a student psychotherapist finishing off there masters,
At the public health system.
I was seeing him for 18 months.

Since beginning stages of therapy he told me that
I needed twice a week therapy but public health system wouldn’t allowed it.
From then on I became stuck on the idea and kept bringing it up
But he would say to me it was because it was no enough for me or he would
Say to me he is not good enough.


He told me 2016 November that he is leaving public health system
Because his wife didn’t like him doing psychotherapy.

He told me I could see him at his private practice when he leaves
and I be given discount.

I was told maybe December 2016 or beginning of 2017 that
My therapist was planning to build apartments but it takes a year for council
Here to accept it. So he decided to stay.

During 2017

Beginning of the year he told me public health system accepted him
this year.

He kept telling me when ever I was anxious of him leaving that I be
Able to go with him to his private practice and be given discount.

Later the year he said he be leaving and was trying to get his super advisor
To decided what I can do. But he didn’t hear anything.
Months went by , at November I myself knew therapy was coming to an end but didn’t know exactly when and I was under the impression I would go with my therapist. Just what I been told.

During that time my therapist told me how the government has pulled out paying psychotherapist in the public health system because there is no evidence to show that it works.
He also told me how he doesn’t like the way people work here.

He also mentioned how his supervisor was in an agurement what is best for this other patient with the psychiatrist.

Apparently my therapist emailed the psychiatrist but was away on an three week holiday and told my therapist I wasn’t ready to be discharged.

So my therapist told me to speak to my keyworker and what he thinks about it.

At the time I felt the responsibility was put on me and it made me feel incredibly pressured. I ended up writing a letter how I want to still see my therapist and I got my boyfriend and also my mother to write a letter to make my case strong.

I handed it to my keyworker.

After that happened I wrote a letter to my therapist about the things that were said to me that upsetted me. I have done this more than once. But he would ended up saying to me “We’ve already spoken about this” , “How many times have we’ve gone through this (my name)” , “I’m human” , “I’m human I make mistakes”
It was very much going around circles.
I then decided to write letter and handed it to my keyworker. My keyworker thought it be best to give it to my therapist and we talk about it.

He also took one week off between this time.

So second to last session.

My therapist comes 15 min late and didn’t spoke about the letter he just said to me “We have gone through this “ and then said as we were ending session he told me next week is our last session. He told me one of the therapist agreed to take me on and the psychiatrist said I can do whatever want to go with therapist or with new therapist.

But I never had a choice.



After the termination of my therapist for last nightmare of 18 months.
I’m struggling.
I had an intense love transference towards my therapist and I never had the chance to explore it due to therapist being incompetent about it.

When the therapy ended it was handle poorly.
First the second to last session the therapist told me next week be our last session.
He said it in a way that was passing comment.
It was a huge shock to me and I refused to go to the last session out of fear I be unable to handle emotion and will end up trying to commitment suicide.

On the day of last session I was told that my therapist try to called me as where I was.

I called him and explained why and he put it as I was trying to protect myself.
I try to tell him I was really sore in the inside what’s happened but he didn’t validated he just told me that I’m still processing him leaving and I can discussed it to the next therapists.

I told him I was under the impression I be going with him to his private practice.
He told me this through out the whole 18 months.
When ever I got anxious of him leaving he would say I go with him to his private practice and I be given discounts.
My therapist told me that still stands. (But I was never given the details to his private practice)
He told me he was only here at the public health system for 2 years and that he told me this.
I was never told that he was here at public health system for 2 years. I mean if that was the case why would he tell me beginning of this year that the public health system accepted him this year to work.

My therapist claim to have said to me that he told me he was going to leave within 3 weeks.
I know for a fact that this isn’t true. Because if it was my boyfriend would have heard all about it to me and I be panicking and my key worker would of heard all about it too.

I really felted I was gaslighted by him.

I started to really question my reaitly and if am I going mad.

I recalled telling my keyworker through a phone call how my therapist had told me next session be last.
I recalled my keyworker being a bit speechless and told me he didn’t know this.
That he knew he was leaving but didn’t know when.

I then realised there been poor communication between therapist and keyworker. I would of thought the therapist would tell the keyworker my last session since I experience abandonment issues.
I really felt this therapist handle it poorly.

I even sent a complaint letter to public health system about my experience with
My therapist. But none thing was done about it because he left the public health system.

Now in present .
I struggle. Most of the time this ex therapist is on my mind. My moods swing by feeling angry and then sad.
If say someone said something and it really hurts me I ended up crying and all my thoughts go back to how my therapist left me.
At times I get intense sexual images of him but then they go away.
I obsessively try to go online and find answers as to what kind of psychotherapy he did because I feel he really messed up.

I don’t know what to do.

Yes I am seeing Art Therapist
And an DBT therapist but I don’t know how to go about it.
My DBT therapist is from same public health system where my ex therapist worked at. So I feel I can’t fully trust them especially after what happened.
I wasn’t suppose to see my DBT therapist till February, but because I was so distressed and try to hang myself I ended up going to go doctor to call public health system to get help I needed.

I had to go through nearly taking my life in order for public health system to take my seriously . I had to use my money to see my gp doctor to call them to take action.

I feel I’m stuck in a pickle.

[dlantern]

I'd say do you best to find who or those that at the root of this something unresolved. If you find out that you need to choose therapist wisely that is also what you include in further healing