Anger and seeing red

Great day really relaxed then at night something inside me snapped. My Sister and I were talking about her and her boyfriend and I said things about her relationship as she wanted me to be honest. She didn't like it then we fought real bad like we were teenagers again. I stormed out the room she followed then it escalated. She cornered me on the stairs I started seeing red explained this to her but she won't let up. Kept shouting at me. I was 6 stairs ahead of her and went to kick her in the face. She grabbed me and I fell into her. We scraped for a wee bit then she saw red. Was going mad. We were both in tears. I really thought about hurting her so badly. She made me claustrophobic, anxious, scared and I was panicking. It took us an hour to calm down. She was not going to leave me in case I hurt myself. I have never done anything after a fight. She says it was like we were 14 again and this is why she hated me growing up. Said i was a freak and a weirdo. I don't blame her.... I am. I hate myself for getting angry but she wasn't listening and was making the situation worse. Why did it escalated so badly? Why did I see red? What if it happens again? We haven't fought like this in nearly 20 years. I feel like an idiot for even writing this as it's stupid.

You, and perhaps your sister, need to see if your therapist might help you with this.
You probably have some serious anger issues and hurting someone, or even thinking about it or trying, isn't good for anyone.
Your sister has some unresolved things from her childhood too. I would like to think she's in therapy and if not I think she might want to be.
I'm afraid for you all if this is still the situation.

I don't have a therapist and in the UK your allocated a psychologist if needs be. I can't afford to go private.

I think it's all stemmed from stress. She's stressed with her boyfriend and work. We are both stressed with our patents as their both ill. My Mum's in the hospital and has been since November. I'm stressed with not having a job and my life and illness in general.

I just don't know what to do

Are there things you do to connect with your inner self or your spirituality?

Stress could cause lots of issues. But physical altrecations you two are having are a bit out of control. You were going to punch her in the face? Could a psychologist be alocated to you based on the obvious need for help?

Hi. You just need to change something about yourself in the way you interact with your sister, if you don't want a similar thing to happen again. I'm not saying it's your fault, though - tempers flare, it happens. Change is easier said than done, but that's what I think it is. It's okay, siblings often fight but as I say, things can change.

In the future, do not believe her if she says that she wants you to be honest about her relationship.

I don't have faith or anything like that nor do I have time for relaxation ie guided meditation etc I'm stress out to even attempt these things. I do enjoy time alone and getting massages though

They wouldn't allocate one as the waiting list is huge I'm on it already for individual therapy been on it 2 months so far. I was actually prepared to kick her in the face (which is even worse) I feel terrible for this

We are Twins and this fight has really got the two of us stumped. It escalated so quickly. We have fought and made up in the end we always have done but this I think is going to take time

Oh I will be keeping my opinions to myself like I normally do she wanted me to be honest though hence why I was but next time I'll lie like I normally do

If you don't have time for you, then who will make that time? Eventually a battery has to recharge. Find something to get you into your inner self

Sounds like the two of you triggered one another and re-lived a 'dynamic' from your childhood youth.... Perhaps it was something you both needed to experience (as adults), and something you needed to 'get out of your system'....

Physical violence is never okay and in my book, as a victim, there is no excuse for it. You need to get control and take some sort of anger management program or self help scenario. Until you have control over your own emotions I don't believe you are in a position to question her ability to do the same. You must take the higher road. Command respect for yourself by remaining calm.

What is the nature of your relationship with your sister? What I mean is how often do you see one another? Are these visits forced or welcomed? Is bad blood between you two? Are you able to remove yourself or see her on your own terms?

She is my Twin Sister. Which is even worse we have shared so much. We see each other 4-5 times a week. I go over to her flat most weekends for a chat and to play Nintendo or something she's no longer with her boyfriend well it's a kinda complicated situation. Anyways we love spending time together honestly we do. We go to spa days away together, go to the cinema together and out for food and drinks together

What does that mean?

Inner self is the you at your base. It's all your life force. It's supposed to be all we need to be happy. I'm still working on getting there, but I do get little peeks at mine and he's not all terrible and quite nice when I let him out

Life force? Is it just the lust for life then? Or that's very different?

If you please, allow me to use yogapedia.com

"Inner Self

Definition - What does Inner Self mean?

The inner self is an individual’s personal, internal identity - one that is distinct from identities defined by external, social forces and relationships. It is closely linked to a person’s values, beliefs, goals and motivations.

The term also implies a level of authenticity not associated with external identities and labels; it is the “true self.” Many refer to the inner self as the soul, particularly in spiritual contexts. Meditation and yoga have been used for thousands of years as a way to tune into the body and access and align with the inner self.

Yogapedia explains Inner Self

"The inner self is a state of consciousness that can be accessed through meditation and introspection, which promote greater self-awareness and acceptance. Yoga philosophy views each person's core self as perfect, but aims to help bring awareness to negative patterns or thoughts that may not be serving a person's higher purpose. Yoga is the process of cleaning the mind of all the things that keep the true inner self from shining through."

I would go on to say that yoga isn't the path for most and certainly isn't the only path. But, yoga is a very important tool for me. You must find what works for you. You must find who you truly are and want to be, but be accepting of everything you find.