[Kanga]

I’m a 68 year old Aussie lady who a year ago moved from country to an outer area of a capital city. I was not happy in the smallish country town but life in the city has not turned out how I thought it would. I live alone and have no family, or partner. I know people here from quite a few years ago but the connections with them have changed and in some ways very hard for me to accept or understand. I would really appreciate some feedback as to how to move on. I feel so lost and lonely. I am a fairly quiet and not outgoing. I’m more an observer type person than a participator. Unfortunately I don’t have the energy I used to have and feel quite overwhelmed by the enormity of what faces me.

[Little Lulu]

Kanga, I can so relate to your post. My husband I retired from a small area where we had lived most of our lives to a larger area in another state in the US four years ago. Even though I wasn't alone, am married, and we had friends/connections here, it was much more difficult than I anticipated and I felt very lost for a while, still do at times. I did discover, like you, that those well-meaning friends we had here weren't exactly what I had thought (maybe my expectations were too high).

Anyway, after a truly emotionally miserable first summer here, I tried a number of things. I worked part-time for a while and I got counseling. I joined a number of groups even though I tend to be like you, quiet and not outgoing. Some of the groups I tried worked out and some didn't and some of the friends I tried worked and some didn't. I have a pretty good set of things now I participate in and some new friends but it did take a lot of effort and trials before things fell into place.

I did learn something about myself, though. I had gotten complacent where we lived before about reaching out, making new contacts/friends and that I had to do the work if I wanted that here. I also learned I like my own company and that being alone while my husband golfs or whatever is fine with me.

If you can afford counseling, that support will be helpful while you are adjusting. Pick things you have an interest in i.e. if you like reading, then maybe your library has a book club. But there isn't way around it, you have to show up and do the work if you want friends and a social life but give yourself permission to go at your own pace and ditch the things that don't fit after a fair trial.

Best wishes ... I know this is hard. Making some friends here on PsychCentral would help, too. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.

[MickeyCheeky]

[Wild Coyote]

I can imagine a big change might feel very overwhelming.

It's really tough to make friends, contacts, when an introvert. I know because I am one. It's tough on the social life and socializing takes a lot of effort.

Little Lulu gave some great tips.

I hope it gets easier for you soon.


WC