[mortalache]

I feel worn out with trying to distract myself from how lonely I feel. I don't have close relationships in my life. I talk to a few people at work or online but conversation dies so quickly or there's no response at all. So in general it's not just loneliness, but also feeling ignored when I try to engage. I've been in therapy for years and have come a long way for the better, but I used to self-harm and loneliness puts me closer than any other emotion does to falling back into old behaviors. I paint and write music as ways to cope and do something productive with how I feel, but it comes to mind more often that there are only so many pictures I can paint and songs I can stand writing about loneliness I constantly fail to resolve. Sometimes I feel lonelier with people than by myself so I know it goes deeper than just meeting others and talking more. I can't really connect. I pick myself apart in wondering what I need to do or be for others to want to stay in touch, what do I need to change to be worth the effort of others to want a relationship with me? But I'm ready to throw in the towel. It feels almost impossible to continue as I am feeling so unwanted, unnoticed, unheard and hopeless it can change. I'm 28 and don't see how I'm still here.

No point for posting this besides just letting it be known someplace that I'm sinking and don't know what more I can do to change. Thanks.

[Aviza]

I don't want you to feel no one cares so i am responding even though i do not know what to say as a recommendation. I have only a few good friends myself and rarely see them. Talk to them periodically. And if it wasn't for living with my mom i would feel really alone to. That's why i work so hard on finding a relationship. Someone i can be involved with more intimately.