They deserved better...

My mom deserved better than her childhood.
My dad deserved better than is illness.
My brother deserved better in his health/love life.
They all deserved a better daughter/sister than me.

I feel like crying for them. So sad, so unfair...
And i only make things worse for them. Im a mess.
And i feel so lonely. I dont know where to turn to. My mind is a mess. Im sick of all this, of me...
I keep trying to get my control back but the more i try tge less i feel it.

((((sinking))))

I feel guilty because they were used at being proud of me. not im just a worry and someone to be ashamed of… someone not making them happy. i know i cant live to make them happy, but if i only were normal, it would be enough for them...

You are perfectly fine the way you are now. It's not your fault if you feel this way.

And if they truly love you, they will love you no matter what.

Life isn't fair to anyone. I mean, ANYONE. Both of my parents are demented and treat me like I am a piece of crap. And then expect me to "excel in studies." I am almost 18 and still not allowed to go outside on my own. It was summer here 'till now, and the only time I went outside were roughly less than ten, the whole summer. That's like ten times in 90+ days. Once for an entrance examination and the rest for visits to doctor's hospital.

You shouldn't feel bad. The world is a very wide place and there are all sorts of people suffering here and there. Dad has heart issues. Lack of blood to brain made him crazy and damaged and with really poor judgement. Mom was born to my grandma when my grandma was less than sixteen years old. Also it was a child marriage. My mom had a terrible childhood too.

Also, I forgot to mention my parents were used to be relatives (uncle and niece.) And then I went through all the torture for seventeen years. Which damaged my brain to such extent that no doctor in this world can heal me.

Dad thought it'd be a good idea to throw his only son, who was around three months old, on a ****ing wall because his wife argued with him. Blood pressure problems, we are now ****ing talking aren't we? He still abuses me. Oh, did I mention I was stuffed into a bag when I was in pre-primary?

What's normal? Sending hugs and, no, I don't know you, what your facing or dealing with, but, your post tells me, your trying your level hardest.

It's true, your enough....for those who love you. The right people, for you. Period