I'm really struggling right now. I quit my volunteer gig. It was too much for me. I'm very sensitive, I never wanted to go in and do it, and I was feeling crummy today and did not feel able, again. I guess its not a good fit for me (and it really sapped my energy). I think a LOT of volunteer things are not a good fit for me. I almost wonder...if I am not very altruistic. I care. But idk. I feel awful about that. I would not give a complete stranger my kidney. Maybe thats ok. I just am feeling really down on myself.

I don't feel like I fit into society. I am worried that I will never get the help I need. I don't feel like I'm getting it right now. I volunteer, because I am trying to "work up to" working. Ugh, the pathetic truth is I don't want to work or volunteer. I just want to knit, exercise, and do things I want to do.

[MickeyCheeky]

You're a good person. Don't blame yourself for this - nobody said you HAD to volunteer. You have to take care of yourself too

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

You're a good person. Don't blame yourself for this - nobody said you HAD to volunteer. You have to take care of yourself too

Thank you for this, Mickey. This means a lot.

[Deejay14]

Knitchick do what makes you happy. If you are okay financially then why not? For me even when I don't work I still get up early and get going because that's what is good for me. By the way it's actua!ly easier for me to get going on days I don't work. It's just a me mental thing I guess.

Originally Posted by Deejay14

Knitchick do what makes you happy. If you are okay financially then why not? For me even when I don't work I still get up early and get going because that's what is good for me. By the way it's actua!ly easier for me to get going on days I don't work. It's just a me mental thing I guess.

Thank you for this, too, DeeJay. This really resonated w. me and I felt encouraged when you said: "Knitchick do what makes you happy. If you are okay financially then why not? For me even when I don't work I still get up early and get going because that's what is good for me."

I think...a lot of my reason for wanting to work, is to fit in, to not feel so judged anymore because I don't work. You know what? I'm so sick of that. I want to be done. Maybe someday I can find work that works (pun not intended ) for me. Thank you again, Deejay.

[BettysGranddaughter]

Originally Posted by KnitChick

I'm really struggling right now. I quit my volunteer gig. It was too much for me. I'm very sensitive, I never wanted to go in and do it, and I was feeling crummy today and did not feel able, again. I guess its not a good fit for me (and it really sapped my energy). I think a LOT of volunteer things are not a good fit for me. I almost wonder...if I am not very altruistic. I care. But idk. I feel awful about that. I would not give a complete stranger my kidney. Maybe thats ok. I just am feeling really down on myself.

I don't feel like I fit into society. I am worried that I will never get the help I need. I don't feel like I'm getting it right now. I volunteer, because I am trying to "work up to" working. Ugh, the pathetic truth is I don't want to work or volunteer. I just want to knit, exercise, and do things I want to do.

I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I think most volunteer gigs are very hard to stick with though, so don't be down on yourself! I've volunteered at maybe five different places, and I'm just right now deciding whether I can keep going with the one I'm at.


I just think in general there's not a lot of support for the volunteer workers. So don't feel bad, at least you did it! That's more than a lot of people can say.

(((((KnitChick))))) you're amazing, doing a volunteer gig

Originally Posted by whispershadow

(((((KnitChick))))) you're amazing, doing a volunteer gig

Thanks Whisper, but I'm not doing it anymore. I posted about it in my OP.

Hi KnitChick,

Definitely don't feel bad about not feeling like this was the right fit. I agree with the above: do whatever makes you happy.

At the same time, the question that comes to mind for me: do you need to get back to work? Or, are you considered mentally disabled enough to remain on disability indefinitely?

I don't know how disability works because I have never been on it, but I think your efforts to get back to work have been extremely noble, as well as your efforts to find a suitable career path. And volunteering is a great way to explore your interests AND to feel a bit of what it's like to join the workforce again.

So, while this opportunity may not suit, perhaps another of interest may suit better? I think it's beneficial to try to learn to re-enter the workforce through this means.... anyways, just throwing out some thoughts.

And by saying these things, I hope this doesn't stress you out -- that is not my intention whatsoever, and as you know, I support you 100%! I am just wondering if you are well enough to return to work, and if so, what that means for you...

Hi Eve,

I would like to ask you why you wonder if I am maybe not ready to enter the work force. I do think you're right, I think I'm not. And I think the reason why I want to work and be ready, is because I am SO sick of unemployment stigma. It is such an awful feeling. From the dating world to meeting new people / potential friends. I just wanted to ask you your observations. Feel free to write here or in PM.

Also, you said "mentally disabled," and I am not mentally disabled. That makes me think of something different, like mental retardation / intellectual disability, which I am not. I am incredibly bright and way above average IQ. My problem is not intelligence, it is mental health. Though you probably just misspoke. I think you know I'm a smarty!! I know you are, too.

I believe that one can be on disability...for as long as they need it (aka: for as long as they would be considered disabled, aka, for as long as their disability makes them unable to work). I am just wanting to be normal. I really want to be normal. I am a lot like everyone else. But I hate the question: "so what do you do?" I have been walked away from before, for my answer. I have felt the stigma.

I have a disability review next year, and even though those things make me nervous, I am sure I will be able to keep it.

Thank you for seconding, also, that I should do whatever makes me happy. That is really encouraging advice to me.

Originally Posted by KnitChick

Hi Eve,

I would like to ask you why you wonder if I am maybe not ready to enter the work force. I do think you're right, I think I'm not. And I think the reason why I want to work and be ready, is because I am SO sick of unemployment stigma. It is such an awful feeling. From the dating world to meeting new people / potential friends. I just wanted to ask you your observations. Feel free to write here or in PM.

Also, you said "mentally disabled," and I am not mentally disabled. That makes me think of something different, like mental retardation / intellectual disability, which I am not. I am incredibly bright and way above average IQ. My problem is not intelligence, it is mental health. Though you probably just misspoke. I think you know I'm a smarty!! I know you are, too.

I believe that one can be on disability...for as long as they need it (aka: for as long as they would be considered disabled, aka, for as long as their disability makes them unable to work). I am just wanting to be normal. I really want to be normal. I am a lot like everyone else. But I hate the question: "so what do you do?" I have been walked away from before, for my answer. I have felt the stigma.

I have a disability review next year, and even though those things make me nervous, I am sure I will be able to keep it.

Thank you for seconding, also, that I should do whatever makes me happy. That is really encouraging advice to me.

Oh dear. So sorry! I didn’t mean to use the wrong terminology.

To answer your question, I suppose it just seems like you may not be ready quite yet. A lot of indecision, starting things then stopping them, if I’ve followed your posts correctly. Maybe u need to slow down like someone has said on your other thread? Though I understand the frustration!! But it’s possible you’re trying to do too much all at once? Don’t know! ((((((Hugs))))))

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Oh dear. So sorry! I didn’t mean to use the wrong terminology.

To answer your question, I suppose it just seems like you may not be ready quite yet. A lot of indecision, starting things then stopping them, if I’ve followed your posts correctly. Maybe u need to slow down like someone has said on your other thread? Though I understand the frustration!! But it’s possible you’re trying to do too much all at once? Don’t know! ((((((Hugs))))))

It's OK Eve. and thank you for your opinion!! I'm definitely confused / don't have secure footing on a job / interest direction. My go-to coping mechanism is to avoid, too, when I am overwhelmed.

Well..... I think you should keep at it but maybe go a slower pace. I agree that you should do what makes you happy..... but the current situation seems to be bothering you enough that you want something more in your life. That’s my take on it, for what it’s worth. It sounds like you took on a big commitment with this volunteer work. Perhaps just try something for a few hours a week rather than several hours a day? It’s good to push yourself outside your usual limits... and it does come with some growing pains... Perhaps you can find a happy balance with this.

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Well..... I think you should keep at it but maybe go a slower pace. I agree that you should do what makes you happy..... but the current situation seems to be bothering you enough that you want something more in your life. That’s my take on it, for what it’s worth. It sounds like you took on a big commitment with this volunteer work. Perhaps just try something for a few hours a week rather than several hours a day? It’s good to push yourself outside your usual limits... and it does come with some growing pains... Perhaps you can find a happy balance with this.

Thanks Sisabel. I have decided though, that it is not worth it. I never really knew what I was doing there, and I really wasn't sure about it from the get go. And I'm really not sure they will be ok with my waffling. I want to note that I know I wrote in the positivity thread the silver lining of volunteering there. But thats pretty much because it was so hard there, I felt. Idk. I can't change it if you're disappointed. I can only control what I do.

I really think there is merit and value to sticking with things though, and seeing how a few people on the work forum have struggled with beginning a job a lot, but then settled into it and got over the hump...that is so inspiring and I DO believe that is true for me too. Thank you so much for this reminder.

I just want to say that I really hope people believe in me ("KnitChick will find a job! even if not now, when she is ready and able!") and aren't disappointed in me, at the same time, for making the decisions that I make.

The truth is...I'm just a person who needs support, just like everyone else here, Regardless of where I am on my journey. I am learning about ableism. And our economic system (it's a problem and is often not supportive of the disabled). I think I've found my cause.

I want to surround myself with support. Even if its just support (and validation) from myself, so that I can weather the haters.

Peace.

Originally Posted by KnitChick

I just want to say that I really hope people believe in me ("KnitChick will find a job! even if not now, when she is ready and able!") and aren't disappointed in me, at the same time, for making the decisions that I make.

Of course you have a cheering section! Go knitchick go!!!!!

Originally Posted by LostMyMuchness

Of course you have a cheering section! Go knitchick go!!!!!

WOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!

Originally Posted by KnitChick

Thanks Sisabel. I have decided though, that it is not worth it. I never really knew what I was doing there, and I really wasn't sure about it from the get go. And I'm really not sure they will be ok with my waffling. I want to note that I know I wrote in the positivity thread the silver lining of volunteering there. But thats pretty much because it was so hard there, I felt. Idk. I can't change it if you're disappointed. I can only control what I do.


I really think there is merit and value to sticking with things though, and seeing how a few people on the work forum have struggled with beginning a job a lot, but then settled into it and got over the hump...that is so inspiring and I DO believe that is true for me too. Thank you so much for this reminder.

I should have clarified that by “keeping at it” I meant, in general, don’t give up on finding some kind of fulfilling work for yourself because it seems like an important goal for you.

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I should have clarified that by “keeping at it” I meant, in general, don’t give up on finding some kind of fulfilling work for yourself because it seems like an important goal for you.

Thanks Sisabel. I won't give up.

[Deejay14]

Bear with KC.Just a thought. If you like knitting..I think I read that somewhere, how about knitting hats for NICU babies. You could do that when you want and then just deliver them when you feel up to it.

Originally Posted by Deejay14

Bear with KC.Just a thought. If you like knitting..I think I read that somewhere, how about knitting hats for NICU babies. You could do that when you want and then just deliver them when you feel up to it.

Thanks Deejay. This is an excellent idea. Its been brought up to me before! It is something I can definitely look into. I don't actually know how to knit a whole hat, but I can learn. That's something that a I enjoy

I am doing better today. My cycle has something to do with it (I may have PMDD), and I'm at a better part of my cycle.

About volunteering...while I'm not at the nursing home anymore, I'd been volunteering at a nature center sort of infrequently, but I'm still on their list to volunteer. I went in the other day to help with a mailing, and it felt good. I even met some nice people.

I also got some really good news about taking an art class I couldn't initially afford. I have to find a place to post about it. Maybe school forum, or kudos. Because I got granted a part scholarship about a week ago, and it still feels good to think about.

Thank you so much to everyone who's been supportive of me here.

Congrats on the scholarship!!! That's so awesome!!! And on feeling better! Glad to hear it.

I'm definitely cheering you on.... always. Even when I am providing something constructive, I am cheering you on!!! I believe in you. GO KnitChick!

[ptangptang]

Originally Posted by BettysGranddaughter

I'm sorry that you're feeling down. I think most volunteer gigs are very hard to stick with though, so don't be down on yourself! I've volunteered at maybe five different places, and I'm just right now deciding whether I can keep going with the one I'm at.


I just think in general there's not a lot of support for the volunteer workers. So don't feel bad, at least you did it! That's more than a lot of people can say.

Volunteering can be good and bad. Twice it's turned out not so good, once I stopped because I started something else. It's sometimes disheartening because you put a lot of time and goodwill into it and you get knocked back.

[BettysGranddaughter]

Originally Posted by ptangptang

Volunteering can be good and bad. Twice it's turned out not so good, once I stopped because I started something else. It's sometimes disheartening because you put a lot of time and goodwill into it and you get knocked back.

It really is disheartening. Nothing ever lasts long for me, but I guess maybe that's the nature of it? I think I'm gonna stick to one-time events, like beach cleanups, for awhile.