[DazedandConfused254]

My recent pet peeve at my college as a single person is watching seemingly happy couples show off how great they are through public displays of affection (PDA). While none of it is too disgusting, there seems to be an annoying expectation at my uni for people to couple up to be respected and follow traditions, which are numerous at my college. A famous tradition is to “score one with a date when the team scores”, while outside football games I am pressured both directly and indirectly by friends and various social groups to find a date to pretty much do everything with, school, life, all of its bells and whistles. People’s PDA used to make me feel like a pathetic loser for being single, but after doing counseling for a year and a half, remembering how my parents didn’t even really date/marry until their early 30s, and keeping myself occupied with school and hobbies (hiking, concerts, spending an abundance of time with besties and family) I love the freedom and independence that comes with being single. So now the pressure is gone to find a relationship, which I really don’t have the time and energy for at this point in time. Though I no longer feel like romance equals happiness, I still get quite irritated when people flaunt PDA and romantic things in person or social media because as stated, collegiate society here seems to put couples on a pedestal, while women whom I have fancied but currently coupled also seem to happily rub in my face that they are taken and there’s nothing I can do about it. I still feel like a fish out of water because in my part of the states people are more chill about PDA's, while I get pretty uncomfortable with such activity. Guess I could move to Europe or Canada, where I can find more people who feel the same way about PDAs.

What should I do to not get so chapped with couples and PDA’s? How can I ignore the pressure imposed by society to couple up? I really appreciate you guys here on PC.

[divine1966]

Why do you think people in Europe or Canada have different views on relationships and PDA? Why do you think you’ll meet more people there who duslike PDA? It’s unlikely

I immigrated to US from Europe, i was an adult. Never see much of a difference in dating patterns or PDA. People are pretty much the same. For the past 11 years I’ve been traveling to Europe annually (not same country or region that I am from). I know a lot of people there, including young ones. Again I see no difference. I also travel to Canada usually ever year. I dont see any difference how people date or PDA.

I am not sure what you mean

[MickeyCheeky]

I think you're doing a good job already; you're realizing what's healthy for you and what isn't. Avoiding PDA completely I don't think it's possible - the only thing you can change is your mindset about it, so keep working about it.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Why do you think people in Europe or Canada have different views on relationships and PDA? Why do you think you’ll meet more people there who duslike PDA? It’s unlikely

I immigrated to US from Europe, i was an adult. Never see much of a difference in dating patterns or PDA. People are pretty much the same. For the past 11 years I’ve been traveling to Europe annually (not same country or region that I am from). I know a lot of people there, including young ones. Again I see no difference. I also travel to Canada usually ever year. I dont see any difference how people date or PDA.

I am not sure what you mean

I made that crack because as someone who loves travelling and learning about other countries, I have heard from various sources that showing affection in public is sometimes breaks social norms in other countries. But I guess everybody has a different experience. My apologies

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

I made that crack because as someone who loves travelling and learning about other countries, I have heard from various sources that showing affection in public is sometimes breaks social norms in other countries. But I guess everybody has a different experience. My apologies

You are correct that there are countries where PDA isn’t acceptable and is against social norms (Saudi Arabia for example etc). But Canada and European countries aren’t good example of it as PDA is not against social norms there.

I see that you started similar threads on other forums and somebody pointed out that people engage in PDA not to irritate or pressure you. People just enjoy doing whatever the heck they want. I’d try not to worry about others do.

But I do understand pressure to date. Once when I was single, funeral director at my grandmas funeral expressed concern that I was alone (as no partner). I was quite irritated as I was not there for a dance party and having a partner isn’t a requirement at funerals. Jeez

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by divine1966

You are correct that there are countries where PDA isn’t acceptable and is against social norms (Saudi Arabia for example etc). But Canada and European countries aren’t good example of it as PDA is not against social norms there.

I see that you started similar threads on other forums and somebody pointed out that people engage in PDA not to irritate or pressure you. People just enjoy doing whatever the heck they want. I’d try not to worry about others do.

But I do understand pressure to date. Once when I was single, funeral director at my grandmas funeral expressed concern that I was alone (as no partner). I was quite irritated as I was not there for a dance party and having a partner isn’t a requirement at funerals. Jeez

I have posted similar threads on different forums. I initially had a hard time receiving responses, but of course now that's taken care of. That sure does stink that you have had to deal with that at a funeral. Those should be reserved for remembering or celebrating that person's life. :/

I have experienced similar pressure when my uncle passed. Questions have come up about who can continue my last name, due to me being an only child, and my parents and I being the last ones in either side of our family to marry or bear children after the loss of my uncle. But I'll always remember what a counselor told me when she said I can also pass the values and positive characteristics my family has been known for to even more people rather than just passing my name to a new generation.