Daughter and Christmas

My daughter doesn't want to see my family at Christmas. She is 16 and I'm not allowed to make her go. She would rather see her step mom's family and her dad's. But not mine. I'm hurt, I angry, and my hands are tied.

She says the thought of it gives her anxiety. She's said she's an atheist which upsets my mother greatly, and me for that matter. My brother thinks she's just trying to push buttons. She dresses in sweats, which I think is awful, she has short boy cut hair. Strangers think she's a boy. And she's put on weight another sore spot with Grandma. On top of that she's bisexual she says; gay is more like it, but has a boyfriend. My mom thinks biyfriend is to keep the peace with her family that she lives with. She's come out to us, not sure if she has to her dad, but I told him what she said.

She actually lied to me causing me to start a fight with the ex where I got the truth. She's really making me upset. I feel like she's using me for a fun outing but not really trying to build the relationship. She spends more time on her phone than with me. I'm really trying to figure out how to resolve this. I'm also thinking of changing our visits to volunteer opportunities. It's too costly to me and I'm feeling used. When she doesn't want to do an overnight or see my family for the holiday.