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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,417
6 1,603 hugs
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#1
Until now, I've been working on 75% time. Now I got an opportunity to work full time. It will be combined from two places of work. The new work is better, I can use my skills, gain more respect, self confidence and it's something I plan doing long term.
However the problem is working is very triggering to me. I actually got PTSD symptoms activated from my first full time job after uni. It was extremely stressful, I was bullied and worked 12-14 hours a day, as well as had to attend training during the weekends. I had nightmares, extreme anxiety and depression. I don't know how I survived. If I stayed just a month longer I would have ended up in mental hospital. Work has activated my trauma from childhood because I used to be bullied as a kid, too and than I got the same at work. Now I realise I should be happy about working 8hrs a day, and it's a work I enjoy. However on a purely physical level, my nervous system is panicking and recognizing work as a trauma trigger. Yesterday I got a true panic attack when I realized I'm going to work more hours. I had to ground, do breathing exercises and splash myself with cold water. I was shaking and my face got red. I had an ugly nightmare about a snake at night. I rationally know I'm being ridiculous and it looks like I'm spoiled and lazy. Many people work much more and have families to care about... I should be happy and content and feeling this anxiety makes me ashamed of myself. I haven't even started my new work yet and I'm already scared of collapsing in advance. ![]() __________________ Complex trauma Highly sensitive person I love nature, simplicity and minimalism |
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![]() Anonymous50384, hvert, MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 4,888
10 3,790 hugs
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#2
Congrats on the new opportunity! When do you start? I think the anticipation is worse than what will happen when you go from 75% to full time, so hopefully you'll be able to get that part over with soon
![]() Are you already working with one or both of these workplaces? |
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky, seeker33
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
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#3
I'm so sorry, seeker33
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![]() seeker33
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Somewhere in South America
Posts: 2,246
8 1,046 hugs
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#4
I think what you are feeling is normal. Change, even when it is for the better, can be scary. It's the fear of the unknown, I think.
Is there any way you could ramp up the hours over a few weeks rather than going directly to full-time right away? I wish you all the best! It will probably be just fine. |
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky, seeker33
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,417
6 1,603 hugs
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#5
Thank you everyone! I'll let you know how it goes! Hugs to all of you
![]() __________________ Complex trauma Highly sensitive person I love nature, simplicity and minimalism |
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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![]() MickeyCheeky
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Member
Member Since Jan 2019
Location: Ohio
Posts: 184
5 193 hugs
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#6
Quote:
I always try to say away from the "should be's". These always have a negative connotation for me and do nothing more but put me down and create an even deeper funk then I'm already in... Hope this helps a bit. I wish you the best of luck! __________________ Recovering from the past. Growing in the present. Planting seeds for the future. Dx: Bi-Polar II, PTSD, ADHD, SUD Rx: Methadone 100mg, Lamictal 300mg, Abilify 10mg, Buspar 40mg, Clonadine 0.3mg, Trazodone 50mg, Nexium 20mg, Allegra 180mg |
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![]() MickeyCheeky, seeker33
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![]() MickeyCheeky, seeker33
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