[rise13eyond]

I suppose it comes down to this, I'm conflicted, probably always have been. I don't say it lightly when I say I feel things very intensely, as in more intensely than the average person. I mean if you've ever seen The Vampire Diaries it's kind of like that. The really heightened emotions that come along with super speed and hearing. It really feels so black and white. Because it's like there's love something to death, or loath it, no in between. I can't just feel content, it's overly excited, and I can't just feel in a bit of a blue mood, it's absolute, soul crushing depression. The really odd thing here is I'm terrible at actually expressing things. I mean yeah if you know what to look for, like the hand flapping then you could tell, but for the most part people can't read me because there's just nothing to work with. I do think that is largely because I have always had it in my head that showing emotion is a bad thing. You hear things like crybaby and take a chill pill and that just cements the idea that expressing yourself, especially negative emotions, is not acceptable. Where that came from I don't know. I don't know a lot of the roots of the way I think and feel. But it all just sucks.

[Thunder Bow]

Just go with your feelings.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, rise13eyond Unfortunately emotions are not something we have a lot of control over. Please don't feel guilty about them. Feelings are just what they are... feelings. I'm sorry you're being judged fro them, but try to ignore this kind of people. Or perhaps try to confront them, saying that it's not your fault. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn some new ways to cope with your emotions when they get too overwhelming. Perhaps you could try to talk to your Pdoc and see how it goes from there. Maybe there are some meds that could help. Either way, remember that it's not your fault. Emotions are what makes us humans, after all. I hope writing here helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. I'm always availabe if you need to talk. Sending amny hugs to you