Why do I feel so stupid in certain social situations? Like I could just simply go up and talk to someone and say something and feel stupid afterwards. I don't even know what to call this feeling. I've been trying to be a little more social with people but I just feel so stupid afterwards and my mind keeps thinking about it. I don't know. This is probably why I don't talk to people in the first place.

Maybe a feeling of shame? There will always be people who will be judgmental. But there will also always be people who will be accepting. You don't need to please everyone, just pick the nice people.

[piggy momma]

For me it's just a complete lack of social skills. I literally do not know how to be social. I am forcing myself to do things tho...tonight I went to a talk at a pub...with lots of people. I was nervous as hell but when it was over I realized i didn't die and it wasn't so bad.

Can your T help you develop some skills?

Originally Posted by ExplodingSun56

Why do I feel so stupid in certain social situations? Like I could just simply go up and talk to someone and say something and feel stupid afterwards. I don't even know what to call this feeling. I've been trying to be a little more social with people but I just feel so stupid afterwards and my mind keeps thinking about it. I don't know. This is probably why I don't talk to people in the first place.

I feel the same way in certain situations. The closest words I have to it are: social anxiety, shyness, shame, and self consciousness. Hugs. Are you in therapy? I know we don't choose to feel this way, and there are probably many developing factors leading up to this for you. It is complex for me, at least.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi,

It's been pointed out to me that low self esteem, low self worth, and yes, shame - toxic shame - probably a few other things as well - lie at the heart of these kinds of thoughts and feelings, and actually it's not all that uncommon ExplodingSun56, though, I fully believe the severity differs from person to person. You can internet search the causes and also ways to manage it, and by implementing coping mechanisms etc., in time there's a good chance it wont have the same impact on you. I'm less effected by it now than I used to be, definitely.

My feelings about it are intense. My feelings usually are pretty intense.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, ExplodingSun56 I know how you feel. You're definitely not alone on this, as this thread has already shown. I agree with all the others. You may be feeling this way because of guilt, shame, ecc. Perhaps you just need to work on your social skills. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. I believe there are also some good self-help books on the subject. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. Socializing is hard, but it can be done. It just requires practice, I suppose. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[KD1980]

It sounds like you are self conscious about your social skills. I am too. I found it helpful to remind myself that most people do not notice my embarrassment or awkwardness. I remind myself that other people probably feel stupid too. Many people never really learn the best way to be social, to be frank.

What you can do is practice being social. Sometimes I talk to people randomly to test myself: the cashier, the neighbors, etc. It sharpens my social skills.

[WastingAsparagus]

For me, the feeling of shame of talking to people and the behavior of therefore avoiding people because of that shame reinforced itself. By that, I mean that it's a cycle, in which the feeling of shame and the behavior of avoiding people reinforce each other.

To get out of that cycle, I feel like I had success just hijacking that cycle, if you will. For me, I think if I just tried to talk to people more it would sometimes help get rid of that feeling. Or if I was really intentional about it--the act of talking to others. I would come in and ask particular questions and try to be really present with another person. Those are some things that helped me.

[Quarter life]

This is an interesting subject, and I think that KD above is definitely on the right track about the practicing. Using a persons first name when speaking with them, keeping conversations light, and smiling will make others feel at ease...which in turn will make you feel more at ease. Many sales people wear name tags...Practice saying hi Jennifer, thank you Jennifer....or have a nice Day Jennifer...be sure to notice how their faces light up when you use their name. It's not everything...but its a good place to start.

I am a total dork. People used to think I was a snob at first because I was so afraid of embarrassing myself I was very standoffish and guarded. I definitely had terribly painful shyness and social anxiety. Now I’m just a dork. I still have my issues. I do get overly concerned at times about saying the wrong things but I somehow muddle through. I think people just get used to me. I had to really push myself to socialize and get over all of this. It wasn’t easy but it was worth the effort. Practice makes better... not perfect... better. ❤️