So for most of my life I have carefully chosen my friends / acquaintances. I spent my life working very hard to keep my body in good shape so that I won't be a bother to others.

But mostly I try to do everything myself and not ask for assistance.

So I am frustrated that people that aren't in my social circle -- that I don't even talk to, when they get sick, mostly because they never took care of themselves... other mutual acquaintances have to tell me about them and (of course) suggest I should feel and for them. (or help them).

My cousin - Sam - has MS. But he has spent his life getting high and sitting around his house. For some unknown reason my sister enjoys updating me on how bad he is doing. But I don't want to HEAR IT. He has a large family to take care of him, he has never tried to be healthy etc. Why do I have to worry about him?

My cousin Sarah - her husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Obviously I feel for her and him but, I don't talk to him, I don't know him, I don't want to hear about it! But my sister enjoys updating me.

My uncle James - has diabetes. He has spent his entire life NOT doing what he was supposed to to avoid this. And now that he is facing amputation of his leg.. I am supposed to care.

I am sorry to say that too too often I do find that when people have health issues very often I find out they didn't take care of themselves. But for some reason they don't want me to know that... this tends to make me these things could happen to me and depress me. So one reason I stop associating with people is when I know or suspect they are not serious about helping themselves. So I resent like hell when after cutting ties.. I am somehow thrown information about them.

Also, not one of these people have lifted ONE finger in my life to assist me. Why am I supposed to care about them? Why?

Also, I have had real good advice for people on their health forever and none of them have taken me up on them.

Grr so frustrated with my sister. I don't need this cloud hanging over my head.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand your frustration, Emily Fox Seaton. I'm so sorry you and your family are going through all of these health issues I don't believe you "have" to have a special relationship with them if you don't want to. Of course you have every right to live your own life. I believe simply saying a polite "I'm so sorry for your situation and for how you're feeling" should be enough if they're acquaintances that you don't usually speak to too much. I'd suggest to talk to your sister about this and see how it goes from there. Maybe that could help. Tell her that you'd prefer not to be constantely updated on everyone's situation, especially if you don't really know them personally. Hopefully she'll understand. Either way, like I've said, you don't have to engage with them if you don't want to. Even simply saying that you're so sorry for what they're going through should be enough. That's just my opinion though. The final decision is up to you. Of course there are some people we're gonna have a stronger relationship with compared to others. That's perfectly normal! It doesn't mean that you're a bad person, as long as you're kind and respectful to everyone of course. But of course, health issues are going to have a different impact on everyone. It depends on the person. It also depends on how bad it is exactly. Health issues can still be treated! I hope you'll be able to sort things out with your sister and your family! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you, Emily Fox Seaton

likewise

though what gets to me, (rather than people doing nothing about their health issues), is the exact oppositte

people coming up to you every 3 minits and saying guess what?. I tried this and it really worked, you should try it too!

then give it another 3 minits and they are reporting to you about another success

I'm glad for them, I really am- but I don't want to hear about it 50 times a day, I really don't

[healingme4me]

I think this relates.?
I hate talking about the diagnosis that hangs over my head because, I cannot stand talking about it. Like there's nothing to talk about. I do mention it here but then there's the whole pity thing if mentioned elsewhere. Cannot stand pity.
Or both of my parents use(d) it as an extension of their identity. Can we please not do that??
Or the doubt when I say it's MS, it's in remission, I've had it for 20 years. It's there but I'm not feeling it there. So there's nothing to talk about. I know that stress management matters, sleep health, weight management too. I'm more concerned about back health with my disc that has buldged and can buldge if I don't play it safe...

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I think this relates.?
I hate talking about the diagnosis that hangs over my head because, I cannot stand talking about it. Like there's nothing to talk about. I do mention it here but then there's the whole pity thing if mentioned elsewhere. Cannot stand pity.
Or both of my parents use(d) it as an extension of their identity. Can we please not do that??
Or the doubt when I say it's MS, it's in remission, I've had it for 20 years. It's there but I'm not feeling it there. So there's nothing to talk about. I know that stress management matters, sleep health, weight management too. I'm more concerned about back health with my disc that has buldged and can buldge if I don't play it safe...

I hope you are doing well at the moment (or the best you can be)

hugs to you