Anything I read or watch can trigger sad and painful thoughts. Even without reading or watching anything, sad and painful thoughts attack me from time to time during the day, and the emotional response is overwhelming which is usually crying. The pain of being alone. The pain of being alienated. The pain of not being able to be functioning and productive anymore. The pain of self-pity. The pain of feeling unworthy. The pain of not seeing hope.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, @Nxious Those are all AWFUL things to go through. I am deeply sorry. If it can help, you're DEFINITELY not alone here. I'm here for you and so are many others. Feel free to PM me anytime when you need someone to talk to. I'll try to get back at you as soon as I possibly can. Are you seeing a therapist right now? Please DO consider it if you're not seeing one already and if you can afford it. Either way, you'll find support here. It's hard to find distractions when anything can trigger painful memories. Is there anything that gives you even just a little bit of joy? Anything that you may do to pass the time and think of something else? Perhaps you can think about that. Please hang in there and NEVER give up. I AM DEEPLY SORRY THAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS, NXIOUS!

Nxious,

I follow Buddhist philosophy and often go to it more than ever lately, when I am feeling stressed out, so that I can get perspective on my feelings.

I found a great article where several Buddhist teachers explain pain and suffering from a Buddhist perspective. I hope it helps you through this stage in your life. How is your job hunt going? Did you check out those freelance websites I recommended to you?

Nine Buddhist Teachers Explain Suffering - Lion's Roar

I am in a very low place where I cannot read or do anything constructive. I barely eat and drink to survive. The job hunt is leading to nothing, as it has been for the last 3 years. I checked the freelance website you suggested, but I didn't know what to do, and felt it needs too much work and dedication to have something reasonable as I explained here.

I just responded to your other thread with some suggestions. PM me if you need more info. Hang in there!