[URBeautiful]

My mom was a goodish mom when I was little and my parents were together. This changed dramatically as I started growing up and my parents got divorced. About two years after my parents divorced she got married to a controlling guy. He would walk around the house when he got home, count the plates to makes sure none got broken and get mad when we used their bathtub (The other bathroom only had a shower and I was like 10 so I liked baths). After about a year married to him, she got divorced again.
It was at this point she forgot how to be a mom. She started leaving us home alone and I started cooking and stuff for my older sister. My sister decided to move in with my dad after this but I decided to stay with the hope my mom would get better. I and my mom had always been close since my dad had strong favoritism for my sister.
I was in 7th grade at this point and my mom moved us a street away from her boyfriend. Living there took any hope away from me getting my mom back. She often forgot me at school (outside, in the winter, for hours) and would only be home long enough to drop fast food off. Her boyfriend had a one-year-old and my mom had always wanted another baby so I think she replaced me with that child. I decided it was best to move with my dad at this point and my mom started making more and more excuses for us not to visit. She eventually moved in with her boyfriend and communication became scarce.

About 4 years ago my grandma convinced me to call my mom. She said my mom regretted a lot of her choices and had changed a lot. So I called her. This sparked one of the biggest verbal arguments I have ever gotten into. She wanted to know why no one told her my sister was moving to a different state and blamed me for not calling. She had said it was my job to call as the daughter. The conversation ended with her saying "NEVER F***ing call me again" and her saying some really hurtful things.

Fast forward to now, I hadn't had any contact with her up until two days ago. I struggled with cutting ties with my mom for a long time. I was jealous of people who have good relationships with their moms. However, I am finally in a good place. I can talk about my mom and some of the issues growing up without getting mad or upset. I don't get jealous or anything anymore. On my birthday last Friday, my mom sent me a message saying happy birthday. This was weird after having no contact soI ignored it until Tuesday because I didn't want anything she had to say to ruin my birthday. On Tuesday I simply said, "thank you." She responded to this by saying "I love you and always will. There is not a day that goes by where I don't think about you."

I really don't know how to handle this. On one hand, I am FINALLY in a good place with the situation. I am doing good in my life despite her. I have worked hard in the last few years and am finally on the brink of being happy. On the other hand, She's my mom. There was a point where she was a good mom and I have memories of it. I have always told my family "She said never to call her again and that's what I am doing. I never said I wouldn't answer if she calls me." But now she's reaching out to me and I'm terrified she's going to bring me down again or I am going to get my hopes up only to be disappointed. I am scared my emotions are going to be manipulated. I don't even know what I would say back at this point. There's so much I want to say that I know would be met with more fighting and anger but I don't know if I can talk to her and hold those emotions in. It feels like I'm facing a double edge sword and either path I take is going to get me hurt.

Advice would really be appreciated. I can also provide more detail if needed. I was just trying to keep this sum what short.

[MickeyCheeky]

You don't have any obligation to reply to her, @URBeautiful. If you don't want to, don't reply or just give a short reply like a "Thank you" note without getting further. You're an Adult and you can decide who is going to enter in your life. That's my opinion anyway. I'm glad you're in a good place right now. Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and your friends, URBeautiful!

[Bill3]

My thought also is to be noncommittal. One kind message from her does not erase everything that happened and make her a good mom again. It will take a lot more than that. Like, for example, some genuine apologies.

You could look at those days she says she thought about you also as days that she did not reach out to you, did not try to be your mom again.

You could thank her for her kind words and see what she does next.

It will take a long time and a lot of consistent effort and interest and kindness on her part before you can (I think) begin to safely trust her.