[Flowergirl23]

My parents and 2 of my siblings hate me.
I'm 26 years old but I want to take you back as far as I can remember to where the hate has started.
I was 8 the first time I can remember my mother calling me a *****. She seemed to have always hated me. She has hit me and put me down since I was little. She would call me ugly and insult my intelligence and physically hit me. My father is almost as bad if not worse in my opinion because he would know about my mother and not do anything.

Possible trigger:

The first time my mother gave me a black eye

I called my father and he said "what do you want me to do about it I'm 1,000 miles away". He was a truck driver. You also need to know I have 3 brothers. Two are in their 30s and the other is only 9. My mother was abusive to me and my older brothers. When I was a teenager I would try to leave and go on a walk just to get out and away from all of it. I would always come back. I tried to run away once but couldn't make it far and I was scared so I called my dad. He came and got me and it was not good.

Possible trigger:

He hit me with a switch

and didn't care that I left because my mom hit me. I finally decided to tell on them. I told my preacher and was going to tell the police the next day. My parents took me home and made me afraid to tell on them. They said I'd never see my brothers again. I went back to my preacher and told him I was lying with my dad and one of his friends in the room. My parents painted me out to be a spoiled brat who was throwing a fit about a guy. I have always thought it was crazy how people believed my parents even when I had black eyes. I regret not telling the truth on them. Flash forward to now and I see my parents 5 days a week. Only because I watch my youngest brother for free. I watch my brother 12 or more hours a day. I feed him and stuff for free. I've cleaned my parents house multiple times for free and multiple other things I do for them. They still disrespect me. It's more my father now than my mother. My mother now generally tries to get a long but usually wants something. My dad just tries to annoy me on purpose. He will openly admit to it. He thinks it's fun. When we disagree he gets in my face and tells over me and interrupts me. Then he'll act like I'm the problem.
My brother hates me. He thinks everything is a competition and I don't understand why. I am doing good money wise and I own my own house but I have never bragged about it or said anything negative to my brother about his situation. Me and his family all lived together 6 years ago. I paid half of rent and bills and helped with food. I lived with them for 8 months. I moved into a 3 bedroom house and that's when the hatred began. He felt like his family deserved the house and I should give it to them. I got a good paying job and he was upset about that too. Recently he was mad because I wouldn't let him Barrow money but I've let him Barrow money multiple times and he rarely pays it back. He has followed me to Walmart and cussing at me. He has drove by my house multiple times. He tries to say I never come over but seriously that is the farthest from the truth lie I've ever heard. He acts like I owe him something.
My question is what do i do. I know logically i should stay away from these people but i love my little brother like he's my own. I got a job at 16 so my mom could stay home with him and I watched him on my days off and I've watched him till this. I can't just leave my brother. He loves being with me and misses me when hes not here. I don't know what to do when in t comes to my brother. I would like to see my nieces but I don't want to argue with him and that seems to be all he wants.
What do I do. Is there a way to make my family better or what.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Flowergirl: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I know you also posted this in the Survivors of Abuse forum & received several replies. But I thought I would leave my reply here.

You asked what you should do with regard to this most difficult situation you're in. As you wrote, logically, it would make sense to simply "go no-contact" as it is typically phrased. But this would mean you would no longer see your younger brother whom you love. So you're wondering if there is a way to make your family better or what. And I'm sorry to tell you my personal opinion at least is there is not.

You can only change yourself (in my opinion.) Your parents have had many years to become the people they are. (As have your older brothers.) Imagining there might be some way you can make this all better, to my way of thinking, is simply a way of avoiding the harsh reality of your circumstances... sad as that may be.

That written, there may perhaps be things you can do to improve how you interact with your toxic family members. Here are links to a selection of 15 articles (the most I think I've ever linked anyone to), from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of help with putting your situation into perspective & figuring out what to do about it:

You Can Only Change Yourself

You Have Permission to Cut Off Your Abuser

Stop Trying to Change People Who Don't Want to Change | Happily Imperfect

Rescuing, Resenting, and Regretting: A Codependent Pattern | Happily Imperfect

Dealing with Difficult Family Members: Don't Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain | Happily Imperfect

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...amily-members/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...toxic-parents/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/commo...-brief-how-to/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/what-ar...do-i-get-some/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-...er-boundaries/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...hy-boundaries/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...ficult-people/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-p...ur-boundaries/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...ur-boundaries/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Lilfae]

I don't know if there's anything special you can do.. But I wanted to tell you I read, I hear you and I can relate.

My brother once advised me to try to react to things my parents tell me like I would if a little child was saying it, that is, not taking it personally but rather think it's something they say out of lack of experience/understanding. Like when a toddler throws a tantrum. Sometimes, when people get old and maybe dement, it can be a bit the same, and you'll just nod your head and say ahaa, yeah, but just to be polite. I don't know how exactly to explain. I mean, I'm not saying that your parents (or mine) are like small kids or old dement people, just that you can try handling what they say in that way. My brother told me he does that. I find it hard to do myself, though. But then, he hasn't had the same experiences with neglect and abuse that I have.

I don't know if any of this is of any use to you, and surely not in relations to your adult brother. But hopefully, in a few years, you can keep a relationship with your younger brother without dealing with your parents.

Take care