Controlling anger

I feel angry for past hurts. I don't know what to do. I having trouble living in the present instead of the past. How does a person stay in the present?

Hey @Buffy01: As an alcoholic in recovery I had to learn to let go of resentments that caused anger, and I feel so much more at peace once I did. Anger comes from resentments and no matter if its justified or not only we can let it go. I found the below article very helpful.

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Originally Posted by Buffy01 I feel angry for past hurts. I don't know what to do. I having trouble living in the present instead of the past. How does a person stay in the present?

19 Strategies on How to Let Go of Anger and Resentment

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You can feel it happening again. It may creep up slowly, but it progresses quickly. You know you are about to get angry. Anger is an uncontrollable force that takes us over and leads us to do or say things that we wouldn't normally think we were capable of. When you hold on to it, anger is a powerful force that can take over your emotions, leaving you feeling helpless. Holding on to anger leads to adverse effects, both physically and emotionally. Eventually, it will cause you to respond to situations in an impulsive and irrational manner, which can compromise your personal and professional relationships. If you’ve ever said something mean or yelled at someone and later felt like a jerk, you know exactly what I am talking about. But do you know how to let go of anger? Fortunately, it’s possible to learn how to let go of anger and hurt. In this article, we will detail 19 strategies that can help you deal with this emotion in a healthy way that will help you grow as a person. You will learn how to let go, and move on. (Side note: One simple way to ​let go of anger is to build the “right” mindset. To learn how, ​I recommend checking out this book that will help you learn how to ​create calmness in your life and eliminate negative thinking.) What You Will Learn [show] Let’s get to it… Why Recurring Anger Can Be a Dangerous Habit Many studies have linked anger and resentment to heart disease and hypertension. The physical energy anger takes from us can have long-term side effects, such as high blood pressure and stroke. To begin the process of letting go of your anger, it's important to understand why you’ve become angry in the first place. Anger is a second-hand emotion (or substitute emotion) we use to avoid a primary emotion such as fear, vulnerability, or pain. There are many reasons we may experience pain, such as experiencing physical or emotional abuse from a partner or parent. It’s not the experience alone that has made you angry—your thought process has also contributed. Learn how to let go of anger and resentment and how to let go of anger and bitterness. Holding on to anger leads to adverse effects, both physically and emotionally. But do you know how to let go of anger? Memories can trigger anger, assumptions, and interpretations of a situation that can make people think someone is out to hurt them. These distorted thinking patterns can jeopardize any relationship you have and lead you to suffer from undue stress. While anger is a natural emotion to have and something that everyone experiences, it often comes in the form of an unwanted and irrational feeling. You can learn how to let go of resentment. The good news is, this anger habit can be reversed, and you can learn how to let go of resentment. Chronic feelings of anger are a learned trait. You may develop chronic anger if you grew up in a hostile household and were often the victim of someone else's angry behaviors in the past, or if you were somehow rewarded for your anger (such as being feared by peers for bullying behavior as a child). Some ways to start reversing these feelings are becoming aware of your anger, preparing yourself to react differently in the future, taking action by seeking help to manage your emotions, and then maintaining your new mindset. There is a lot of learning and self-exploration involved in letting go of anger. Doing this is an ongoing task that requires discipline and a change in perspective. This is a process that is not easy, and it often requires significant outside support. Here are some strategies to consider to help you begin to let go of this secondary emotion.

It's hard to give you a good answer, Buffy! I think what sarahsweets has already WONDERFULLY posted may turn out to be helpful to you. Just acknowledge that the Past is in the Past and that you can only change the Future. Just remind yourself that thinking too much about it won't change what happened in the Past. The Past is in the Past. So definitely acknowledge that! It's hard to move on but it can be done. Acknowledge your Feelings, but also acknowledge that it's time to move on for good. I am so sorry, I know it's hard to do that! Just remember that the Past won't haunt you forever and that you can FIGHT BACK and GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE... It does seem incredible sometimes, but YOU CAN DO IT! DEFEAT THE PAST AND FIGHT FOR YOUR FUTURE! I'm so sorry I don't have more useful things to say to you. Hopefully others will! As always, PM me or anyone else here when you need to! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Buffy01, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! KEEP IT UP!

Thank you for articles! What you describe is what is happening in my life and in my home. I feel like my anger is causing me to have high blood pressure and physical health problem!

This is the first step for me to make changes in my life. Thank you for your inspiration and advice. I will keep everything in mind.

Are you happy with the choices you’re making in the present? Are you repeating any past behaviors? Maybe it would help to look closely at your self care habits and see if there are any changes you can make going forward so you can truly leave the past behind?

Have you ever tried meditation?

I like the suggestion re drawing or painting anger.

I try not to think about the past. I learn that when you control your thoughts you control your emotions

That is great advice I will keep that in mind.

I try to do mediation as often as I can.

I will have to try that..

I will keep that in mind.

How helpful do you find meditation?

I find mediation very helpful depending on which one I need. Usually it's help me feel relaxed.

Could a meditation-like exercise be helpful in controlling anger?

I am content with the choices I am making. Although I have made none big mistakes in my life, but I am okay with the few mistakes I have made. Life goes on. I cannot allow my past mistakes to consume me. I am not repeating past behaviors this I know for a fact. If I was other, people would identify my past behaviors. On the other hand, looking at my self-care habits the changes I made is being cautious with my dealing with people. This have enabled me to leave the past behind. I learned that u can only change yourself but not others.

I find meditation to be very helpful. Listening to jazz such instrumental jazz helps. one of my favorite music is from Euge Groove "slow jam"

I honestly don’t know how I stay in the present but I do. I feel like I should have C-PTSD from all the stuff I went through as a teenager and a young adult but I don’t. Sometimes I feel like Cher in Moonstruck. I literally have no idea how I got to where I am now.

I think Mindfulness is a good way to deal with emotions that take over our thinking. When I started to CONSCIOUSLY use my pre frontal cortex.....
the rational , thinking , part of my brain , it got better. I hardly ever used that
part of my brain , only the emotional part. Also trying to get to the root of your anger may help. It’s most likely that a past hurt , something you couldn’t do anything about , is the root of your present anger. Just some thoughts........
good luck to you. Find someone, ( therapist, friend , ) that you can confide in.