[LilyMop]

I’ve been feeling invisible lately.

At work I either get negative feedback or I go through the day fairly unnoticed. I thought I had work friends but lately they don’t really talk to me anymore.

I invite friends out to do things but I don’t receive invitations in return. I stopped inviting people.

I have no support in real life other than my H.

Do you think feeling like this is just a phase? Maybe I’m the one pulling away?

I don’t know. This all started about three months ago when I had a bit of a breakdown. I’ve been feeling confused and lonely and pretty much invisible ever since.

[Discombobulated]

Hugs to you. It is hard feeling ignored.

It's hard to say if you are really being ignored or it's just your perception. It is interesting you can see a link with your breakdown 3 months ago and that you have felt this way since then.

My thoughts are that it can be hard work maintaining a social life, maybe it is extra hard work for you these last few months and any none response is painful?

I'd urge you to keep trying in small ways to keep social contact going, even if just little chats in the workplace, or with new acquaintances. Small bits of social contact really can help in my experience.

[bpcyclist]

I am sorry you are struggling with this, Lily. I really connect with you on this topic, though. Ultimately and in the end, for me, I just feel like I am too much for people. Too much stuff. All the hospitalizations. Blowing up a big career. The divorce and being unable to see my son and, to a lesser extent, my daughter (at least she writes me). Tons of "friends" who do not speak to me anymore. It's all just more than people want to deal with.

I have come to the conclusion that people want easy. And we are not easy. At least, I am not. The folks who really stick by us after all we've done and been through, they are very rare, indeed. This is why PC is so special and vital to me. You guys get it. I don't have to explain everything.

Anyhoo, I would think chasing after people is probably the road to nowhere--not that you are doing that. I personally would put my energy into the places it is appreciated and not worry about the rest. As I try to remind myself, what other people think and feel about me is not really any of my business.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

Hugs to you. It is hard feeling ignored.


It's hard to say if you are really being ignored or it's just your perception. It is interesting you can see a link with your breakdown 3 months ago and that you have felt this way since then.


My thoughts are that it can be hard work maintaining a social life, maybe it is extra hard work for you these last few months and any none response is painful?


I'd urge you to keep trying in small ways to keep social contact going, even if just little chats in the workplace, or with new acquaintances. Small bits of social contact really can help in my experience.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m trying to do too much. I could be placing very high expectations on myself. It’s hard to keep everything going when I need to step back a bit a work on some other things that are important for making me feel better and overcome some stuff. It’s funny how things can appear one way or a completely different way depending on what we are going through. Thank you for taking the time to write some thoughtful and encouraging words.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am sorry you are struggling with this, Lily. I really connect with you on this topic, though. Ultimately and in the end, for me, I just feel like I am too much for people. Too much stuff. All the hospitalizations. Blowing up a big career. The divorce and being unable to see my son and, to a lesser extent, my daughter (at least she writes me). Tons of "friends" who do not speak to me anymore. It's all just more than people want to deal with.


I have come to the conclusion that people want easy. And we are not easy. At least, I am not. The folks who really stick by us after all we've done and been through, they are very rare, indeed. This is why PC is so special and vital to me. You guys get it. I don't have to explain everything.


Anyhoo, I would think chasing after people is probably the road to nowhere--not that you are doing that. I personally would put my energy into the places it is appreciated and not worry about the rest. As I try to remind myself, what other people think and feel about me is not really any of my business.

You make some good points here. Chasing after people is definitely a road to nowhere. I’ve been placing my happiness externally on others and that’s the whole reason for my breakdown in the first place. That’s the whole reason I’m going to counseling and trying to build myself back up.

I am not an easy person either. I don’t conform and I go my own path - even when it’s a lonely path. I make life more difficult for myself than it needs to be. I guess we have to ask ourselves what can we live with when we make decisions. I say that because I’ve made many careful decisions but I’ve been regretting those decisions lately.

My counselor has advised I put my energy back into myself at this point. I need to listen to that advice. Maybe it’s ok to feel invisible once in a while? So we can regroup and get better?

Thank you for taking the time to offer kind and encouraging words.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I’ve been feeling invisible lately.

At work I either get negative feedback or I go through the day fairly unnoticed. I thought I had work friends but lately they don’t really talk to me anymore.

I invite friends out to do things but I don’t receive invitations in return. I stopped inviting people.

I have no support in real life other than my H.

Do you think feeling like this is just a phase? Maybe I’m the one pulling away?

I don’t know. This all started about three months ago when I had a bit of a breakdown. I’ve been feeling confused and lonely and pretty much invisible ever since.

I'm feel like this all the time.

[TunedOut]

You are not invisible to me! As this video explains--with some people--trying too hard and serving others all of the time doesn't make them love us. I have stopped giving so much to people who do not do the same for me. Like you, my husband is my biggest supporter! I am so grateful for that! We are lucky to have good marriages. Focus on what is positive in your life. Focus on the people who do not make you feel invisible. Don't give energy to or think about anyone who makes you feel invisible. Everyone has had someone in their life who has disappointed them but we can slowly leave those things behind and focus on the people who are better matches for us. Not sure if this video applies but threw it in there anyways:

TO GIVE YOUR ALL DOESN'T MAKE YOU MORE LOVED!

[TunedOut]

I want to add that I still love the people in my life who have disappointed me. In my case, when I gave my all for someone in my life (have not been doing this recently) but didn't require them to do the same. I still want to help them but made the decision that all that running around and helping was actually hurting. It was painful to mostly walk away (and I still help them financially sometimes) but it is time for them to learn lessons for themselves. They will learn when the time is right. It is best for both of us that I let go for a while because what I was doing was not helping. I will always love them but I am giving them space. I have left the drama behind. I gave it my all so I have learned to stop letting them guilt trip me anymore. I feel sad that they have not met what I thought was their potential but perhaps it was what I wanted and not what they wanted. They are an adult. It is their life and I have let go of trying to shape it and no longer jump through hoops to help them. I help when asked but the help is more limited and in my own time.

[LilyMop]

@TunedOut

Yes I definitely try too hard. Everything you wrote here is true. I have felt so lost lately. It feels like I am going through a grieving process and I feel completely invisible as I go about my daily life.

I’m doing the work of letting go in my actions and hoping my emotions catch up with me in time. I’m meditating daily now and trying to put focus on my own needs for the time being. I have been looking for validation externally and I need to find it within myself. This is a lifelong habit. I’m seeing the patterns as I journal.

Thank you for your kindness and your encouragement and your support. I reflect on your words and hope in my heart that you are right... that I can get through this and find peace.