[LilyMop]

People keep asking me what my Christmas plans are and I’m getting anxious about it. I have no Christmas plans. My family life is a mess right now and who knows if it will ever get better. I have no idea.
I’m very depressed about it and I just don’t want to talk about it.

Why is it that when people sense you will be alone for the holidays they press you for information about it? It’s like they have a radar that senses I’m sad and they want to probe into my personal business.

I’m to the point I want to just start making something up to get people to just stop.

[unaluna]

I think im gonna go with, "oh you know, the usual. How about YOU?" If they ask whats your usual, idk, say two cops and a fireman, or something else weird. Then say you misunderstood the question. This is why i dont talk to people much anymore.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think im gonna go with, "oh you know, the usual. How about YOU?" If they ask whats your usual, idk, say two cops and a fireman, or something else weird. Then say you misunderstood the question. This is why i dont talk to people much anymore.

I like that: the usual. They will ask if I’m going out of town or where is my family or why am I working instead of taking time off. Maybe I can say that I love working so much I can’t stop.

I think it’s actually rude and nosy to ask people personal questions. I’ve posted about that here before. It’s especially insensitive to pressure someone with personal questions about their holiday plans when clearly they don’t have any.

[unaluna]

My aunt FINALLY stopped pressuring me about if i have spoken with my brother. The answer is always no! He never calls me. I dont know why. He is two-faced. My mother was two-faced. My father was two-faced. I admit it, i am two-faced, its like blood type! i am doing my best to survive! Honestly, her phone calls have sent me into a 3-month depression and really unneeded weight gains. Not this time, Satan! Or Santa, or whoever!

[Discombobulated]

When people ask me I usually say something like "I don't really bother much with Christmas" and they usually lose interest pretty quickly after that.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

When people ask me I usually say something like "I don't really bother much with Christmas" and they usually lose interest pretty quickly after that.

Thats a good one.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

When people ask me I usually say something like "I don't really bother much with Christmas" and they usually lose interest pretty quickly after that.

Yes that is a good one.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by unaluna

My aunt FINALLY stopped pressuring me about if i have spoken with my brother. The answer is always no! He never calls me. I dont know why. He is two-faced. My mother was two-faced. My father was two-faced. I admit it, i am two-faced, its like blood type! i am doing my best to survive! Honestly, her phone calls have sent me into a 3-month depression and really unneeded weight gains. Not this time, Satan! Or Santa, or whoever!

Some people are looking for sadness in others because it makes them feel good. They probe and pressure and I just haven’t figured out a good way to shut them down.

It’s none of your aunt’s business if you talk to your brother.

It’s nobody’s business what we do for the holidays or if we go on vacation or what we do over the weekend or do we have kids or where does our spouse work... I get these nosy questions all of the time. It seems to have increased lately.

[bpcyclist]

I will be alone, too, Lily. I've decided to make a big feast anyway and I will be fine. I'd rather be alone than be with a bunch of aho*** in my so-called family.

You will get through this. But schadenfreude is definitely alive and well in America.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Some people are asking to make sure you have a place to go and they might find such a place for you if you said you were alone. I know when I was a grad student I ended up at several people’s thanksgivings this way because I could not afford a plane ticket at both thanksgiving and Christmas.

[sarahsweets]

Tell them this:

"I'll pass through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly-twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel."

"I planned out our whole day: First, we'll make snow angels for two hours, and then we'll go ice skating, and then we'll eat a whole roll of Toll-House cookie dough as fast as we can, and then to finish, we'll snuggle."

"I thought maybe I could make gingerbread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands."

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I like that: the usual. They will ask if I’m going out of town or where is my family or why am I working instead of taking time off. Maybe I can say that I love working so much I can’t stop.

I think it’s actually rude and nosy to ask people personal questions. I’ve posted about that here before. It’s especially insensitive to pressure someone with personal questions about their holiday plans when clearly they don’t have any.

Some people need someone they perceive to be less happy so they can feel superior. They have a need to be superior due to hiding inferior feelings

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Some people are asking to make sure you have a place to go and they might find such a place for you if you said you were alone. I know when I was a grad student I ended up at several people’s thanksgivings this way because I could not afford a plane ticket at both thanksgiving and Christmas.

that was decent of them

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Tell them this:

Lol that’s hilarious!!!!!!! That’s a fun way to answer the question. Lol.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I will be alone, too, Lily. I've decided to make a big feast anyway and I will be fine. I'd rather be alone than be with a bunch of aho*** in my so-called family.


You will get through this. But schadenfreude is definitely alive and well in America.

I had to look up what schadenfreude means. Lol. That’s a great word! I’ll be using it. You’re right. It’s alive and well these days.

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I had to look up what schadenfreude means. Lol. That’s a great word! I’ll be using it. You’re right. It’s alive and well these days.

me too that is a good word

@sarahsweets you seriously crack me up! I LOL'd at your post. That's an awesome response. I am going to use it if anyone asks me what my Christmas plans are. Hahaha!!!

[sarahsweets]

I’d love to take credit for it but it’s a quote by Buddy the elf from the movie “Elf”.

[*Beth*]

I hate when someone asks about my holiday plans, any holiday, including my birthday. I think it's thoughtless, because it might be really triggering to someone if something bad has happened on a particular holiday. For example, my mom used to try to make huge holiday feasts, decorate, and so on. Her intentions were wonderful, but because she was severely mentally ill

Possible trigger:

she went crazy during the holiday season, doing things like setting the kitchen curtains on fire, breaking dishes, throwing dishes of food all around, and so on. And she and my step-father fought during the holidays, beat up on each other, broke things, abused me viciously...and it predictably ended with my mom locking herself in the bathroom, screaming that she was going to kill me, my stepfather, and then herself...anyway...

it would finally end when the cops would show up. Bottom line,
the holidays are a highly charged time for me and the last thing I want to do is talk about them in the middle of the grocery store or at the dentist or something. Plus, my birthday is in December so...anyway, I just say, "Not much, really" and change the subject.

I know people ask just to make conversation, but the holidays are not something I want to visit much.

[divine1966]

People just run their mouth. Small talk. I hate small talk. And nosy like heck. Personally I can’t dare less what people do for any holidays. Why ask?

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I hate when someone asks about my holiday plans, any holiday, including my birthday. I think it's thoughtless, because it might be really triggering to someone if something bad has happened on a particular holiday. For example, my mom used to try to make huge holiday feasts, decorate, and so on. Her intentions were wonderful, but because she was severely mentally ill

Possible trigger:

she went crazy during the holiday season, doing things like setting the kitchen curtains on fire, breaking dishes, throwing dishes of food all around, and so on. And she and my step-father fought during the holidays, beat up on each other, broke things, abused me viciously...and it predictably ended with my mom locking herself in the bathroom, screaming that she was going to kill me, my stepfather, and then herself...anyway...

it would finally end when the cops would show up. Bottom line,
the holidays are a highly charged time for me and the last thing I want to do is talk about them in the middle of the grocery store or at the dentist or something. Plus, my birthday is in December so...anyway, I just say, "Not much, really" and change the subject.

I know people ask just to make conversation, but the holidays are not something I want to visit much.

That’s a terrible story about how the holidays were for you. I don’t blame you at all for wanting to just avoid the whole subject. I think your response is perfect.

[LilyMop]

Originally Posted by divine1966

People just run their mouth. Small talk. I hate small talk. And nosy like heck. Personally I canÂ’t dare less what people do for any holidays. Why ask?

I don’t care either. That’s interesting. Those of us who don’t care what everybody else is doing would rather they not question us about we are doing.

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I don’t care either. That’s interesting. Those of us who don’t care what everybody else is doing would rather they not question us about we are doing.

are not nosy people

I really think you've gotten a lot of great advice here LilyMop. I appreciate your OP because it helps ME. It gives me another perspective on that general question. I find a lot of ppl, including me, ask that as a conversation piece or just small talk.

But yeah tell them you don't much get into the holidays and then deflect to THEM. People love talking about themselves lol.

[LilyMop]

So I put everybody’s advice to work today. Somebody was asking the probing questions about my Christmas plans and I just kept busy doing what I was doing and I just made up some vague nonsense and immediately asked about her plans. She’s not a personal friend and she’s not someone I feel at all comfortable sharing with. So I didn’t and I just didn’t even worry about it for a change.

It was refreshing to just not worry about it. I have told myself that I’m not obligated to answer people’s nosy questions in any way.

I notice people’s responses are different when I just don’t give a ... bleep...

It’s funny how our perception changes when we give ourselves permission to do things differently.