Probing questions about my holiday plans

LilyMop · Dec 16, 2019 at 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

I hate when someone asks about my holiday plans, any holiday, including my birthday. I think it's thoughtless, because it might be really triggering to someone if something bad has happened on a particular holiday. For example, my mom used to try to make huge holiday feasts, decorate, and so on. Her intentions were wonderful, but because she was severely mentally ill

Possible trigger:

she went crazy during the holiday season, doing things like setting the kitchen curtains on fire, breaking dishes, throwing dishes of food all around, and so on. And she and my step-father fought during the holidays, beat up on each other, broke things, abused me viciously...and it predictably ended with my mom locking herself in the bathroom, screaming that she was going to kill me, my stepfather, and then herself...anyway...

it would finally end when the cops would show up. Bottom line,
the holidays are a highly charged time for me and the last thing I want to do is talk about them in the middle of the grocery store or at the dentist or something. Plus, my birthday is in December so...anyway, I just say, "Not much, really" and change the subject.

I know people ask just to make conversation, but the holidays are not something I want to visit much.

That’s a terrible story about how the holidays were for you. I don’t blame you at all for wanting to just avoid the whole subject. I think your response is perfect.

LilyMop · Dec 16, 2019 at 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

People just run their mouth. Small talk. I hate small talk. And nosy like heck. Personally I canÂ’t dare less what people do for any holidays. Why ask?

I don’t care either. That’s interesting. Those of us who don’t care what everybody else is doing would rather they not question us about we are doing.

Dec 17, 2019 at 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LilyMop

I don’t care either. That’s interesting. Those of us who don’t care what everybody else is doing would rather they not question us about we are doing.

are not nosy people

WovenGalaxy · Dec 17, 2019 at 02:48 PM

I really think you've gotten a lot of great advice here LilyMop. I appreciate your OP because it helps ME. It gives me another perspective on that general question. I find a lot of ppl, including me, ask that as a conversation piece or just small talk.

But yeah tell them you don't much get into the holidays and then deflect to THEM. People love talking about themselves lol.

LilyMop · Dec 19, 2019 at 03:38 PM

So I put everybody’s advice to work today. Somebody was asking the probing questions about my Christmas plans and I just kept busy doing what I was doing and I just made up some vague nonsense and immediately asked about her plans. She’s not a personal friend and she’s not someone I feel at all comfortable sharing with. So I didn’t and I just didn’t even worry about it for a change.

It was refreshing to just not worry about it. I have told myself that I’m not obligated to answer people’s nosy questions in any way.

I notice people’s responses are different when I just don’t give a ... bleep...

It’s funny how our perception changes when we give ourselves permission to do things differently.

TishaBuv · Dec 19, 2019 at 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Some people are asking to make sure you have a place to go and they might find such a place for you if you said you were alone. I know when I was a grad student I ended up at several people’s thanksgivings this way because I could not afford a plane ticket at both thanksgiving and Christmas.

^This might be the case for why they are asking. You could say, “Why do you ask?” Then it puts them on the spot to invite you or back off.

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