[Katy1306]

I just need to vent.

My oldest is 7 years old. She's in first grade. I don't think she has friends.

Since school started, 5 birthday parties have happened and not one invite. The first party, all the kids on the block got invited except mine. I'm not kidding, all the kids but mine.

A month later a child passed out invites to all the kids at the bus stop, except mine. My child stood next to the child, waiting for her invite, and she was never handed one. Then I had to console her before she stepped on the bus.

She tells me invites get handed out at school, but she doesn't get one. The worst was last month when a classmate she has been spending a lot of time with told my daughter she's having a party and my daughter is invited! Then the day came when invites went out and my daughter came home crying that her friend told her she changed her mind and decided not to invite her.

I've heard the neighborhood kids tell my daughter she cannot play with them when she asks to join. She's told her bike isn't as cool. My daughter is the kid the others will play with when the other kids are busy or not around. As soon as a more preferred kid comes along, mine gets dumped.

She doesn't have anyone to sit with on the bus. Her bus buddy from last year made friends with another girl, and that new girl does not like my daughter and won't allow the three of them to sit together. I don't know why. This makes her a prime target for the bully who gets on the the bus the stop after she gets on.

My daughter is the sweetest kid. She thinks everyone is her friend. She's very kind. She's right where she needs to be academically. She'll let others play with her things, she offers them water, and snacks if we have some to share. She has such a big heart and I don't understand why she gets treated poorly.

She plays well at other's houses when she does get an invite. Then I hear kids tell her not to ask to come over.

I've asked the moms of the kids she does play with if she helped clean up and if she behaved. I never get a bad report. I make sure to feed my daughter before letting her play at someone's house so that she doesn't ask for food. We agree on a time she needs to come home so that she does not overstay her welcome. I've asked a mom I've become close with if she's ever heard of issues with my daughter and she says she has not. When kids are over here, I never have an issue.

I've observed her from afar playing in groups outdoors and all seems fine. She appears to play by the rules.


I just don't get it. I don't think I can take another spring/summer of watching my child get left out.

I know this sounds silly, but there is a house for sale two doors down. Everyday I pray my daughter's future best friend will move in.

[WovenGalaxy]

I am so sorry that your daughter is going through this. I am so sorry that you have to witness.

Me and my siblings went through something similar in our childhood.

Could it be the area you live in? Is it wealthy? What's the school district like?

Have you spoken to her teachers? Principal? School Counselor?

Please know it's not your fault. Its not her fault. Everyone deserves love and to be included.

A therapist once told me children's consciences aren't fully formed. Children really are the meanest people on earth!

You must be feeling a mix of emotions. Sending you and her hugs. You're in my thoughts.

[Discombobulated]

I think kids can be cliquey and there are a variety of reasons she could be being left out.

My first thought is this school based? Are there after school hobby groups she can join (away from the school)? This could introduce her to a whole different dynamic of kids who may not be as cliquey. Our son joined the Scouts and it was great for him, he became more confident and met a wider bunch of people.

I think much as it is breaking your heart it will be really important to keep positive for her - every day being a new day and not to be disheartened. Keep on encouraging her and keep up inviting children she likes over (one to one), it's important to remember this is a phase and she will come through it.

[bpcyclist]

It's so sad to hear this tory, but of course, it has happened to many other kids over the years. In this metro area, some schools have addressed this by making an informal rule that if there is a birthday party, all classmates are invited or none are invited. Now, obviously, that makes logistics for parents a big deal, but it has helped some school districts.

Does she paint, dance, play an instrument or sing, do any sport, draw, sculpt, like science or astronomy or rocks or anything like that? I like the idea of getting her in some or an activity group or two. That could be a good way to deal with this.

Sending you support and strength. The important thing is that she is kind and good and that means that you have done an excellent job.