[The Madcap]

Hello everyone, I may need to vent a little So this may be very long, I apologize. I’m 23 years old and am on the Autism spectrum. You could say I’m not the most responsible or motivated person. My whole life I’ve delt with anxiety, social anxiety and depression. When I graduated high school instead of going to college I got a job in customer service instead, as that was my mom and step dads deal for me to continue living with them, either college or a job. I’m just going to say, as someone with autism and not being as socially adept, it was one of the worst jobs ever. It was a cashier at the dollar tree. Every day I had crippling anxiety, even 4 months into the job. My mom and step dad simply don’t understand. My mom thought I was just shy, as she was shy when she was my age as well, she thought I would break out of my shell with this job, even though I told her about having said anxiety. This job broke the fabric of how I perceived people. I used to think there were a lot of good people in the world, but after this job, I just thought about how others treated people, every person I would look at, I wondered “do they treat cashiers or other people right or no?” I than got a job at a pizza place. It was not as bad as the dollar tree job but the high energy of the place and still dealing with customer service, really drained me, after a year of that job, I quit and my than girlfriend at the time, her dad recommended I go into Voc Rehab, so I did and got a job as a day porter. The job, even though it didn’t deal with people, still stressed me out, and for some reason I just couldn’t bare to ask my boss questions as I just have a lot of anxiety asking things. During that time my than girlfriend and I got an apartment so I was able to move out of my parents place. She had a car and license, however I did not, as driving makes me very anxious. Fast forward and my than girlfriend and I break up, and she kicks me out. My parents let me stay with them, but very hesitantly and they gave me a deadline to look for a job as I was let go of my last one. I kept getting distracted, trying to shut off the real world which I shouldn’t have, I’m an adult, so when the time came I didn’t have a job and I was going to be put in a homeless shelter, but my grandma took me in and I managed to find a janitorial job and get my license (still no car though) the thing with my grandma is, despite her good intentions of taking me in, which I am very grateful for, she is very narcissistic and when she gets drunk she gets very very mean. My current girlfriend and I are long distance (6 hour drive away) We’ve been together nearly 4 years and with this current Covid pandemic going on, I lost my job. I liked my janitorial job for the most part, but I was working 7 at night until 6 in the morning and didn’t get much time to talk to my girlfriend, and there are places we clean which have people in them and I really get anxious and the job doesn’t pay good either, and on top of that I don’t want to be a janitor for the rest of my life, I want to provide for my girlfriend and I, I want her to have a good life, it’s just so many things make me anxious, like driving and finding a new job has been hell because there are only really customer service jobs out there at the moment and warehouse jobs are just asking for forklift drivers and people who already have experience and I have to pay my grandma rent but I am not on unemployment as I made a really stupid mistake and now I owe the department of labor, and I’m really depressed at my grandmas, I know I shouldn’t be, I have a roof over my head and food so I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself. My mom and step dad wanted me to watch there house for a week while they take a trip to California and it has been the best time of my life as I can be alone and get away from my grandma but my mom told me they would be back on Saturday but than I just got a text saying they would be coming back today and I just really can’t handle unexpected things, I think because of my autism but I don’t know. I’m just very depressed, having to go back to my grandmas and my step dad really doesn’t like me, and I barely talk to my dad. Anyways thanks for letting me vent everyone.

[Discombobulated]

It sounds like you've been coping with a lot, really I admire your work ethic - you sound like you've really been trying even though you had challenges.

Do you have any kind of professional support? In some places there are organisations which can support young people with autism especially in the jobs market.

[MsLady]

You may be eligible for financial assistance due to the Autism/anxiety that's preventing you from keeping a job. Have you looked into it?

What I've learned about anxiety is that we need to embrace and work through what's causing that anxiety. Running from it makes life more debilitating.

Good for you for getting things done.. your jobs, a license, moving out.. and wanting something more for yourself and your girlfriend.

I bought the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy workbook specifically for Anxiety. Maybe it's worthwhile for you to look into it and discuss with a therapist?

[The Madcap]

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

It sounds like you've been coping with a lot, really I admire your work ethic - you sound like you've really been trying even though you had challenges.

Do you have any kind of professional support? In some places there are organisations which can support young people with autism especially in the jobs market.

Thank you, I’ve always tried my best to have a good work ethic, I don’t want this post to sound like I’m feeling bad for myself or that I’m somehow ungrateful. I know I need to account for some of my actions, however with that being said, I don’t get any sort of encouragement from anyone. My mom just tells me that I’m going to end up like my dad, and it’s nothing but negative talk which really brings me down and makes me feel hopeless, obviously I’m an adult and I should be helping myself, and I know this is the real world, but instead of my mom saying “Yes you will find a job or I can help you look” or something of that nature, she just hammers in “you’re going to be with your grandma until your 40, you’re going to end up like your dad still living with his mom.” I get that is the most likely hard reality of the matter, if I continue on this course of action, but negativity doesn’t really help me feel motivated. And I’m unaware of any sort of professional support which I have received.

[MsLady]

And I’m unaware of any sort of professional support which I have received.

Have you ever received any professional support? Your parents would have received Autism funding to tap into resources for you.

I noticed you live in Boise.. Idaho?

Here's a link:
Idaho Developmental Disabilities Program | Autism Speaks

The Department of Health and Welfare can help provide a number of services to assist adults and children with developmental disabilities. Some of these services include: physical and occupational therapy, housing and living supports, chore services, employment support, environmental modifications, home delivered meals, nursing services, respite care, habilitative supports, family education, crisis intervention, and in-school supports, to name a few.

Address:

1720 Westgate Drive
Boise, ID 83704
United States

Phone:

(208) 334-0960

Email:

WebsterK@dhw.idaho.gov

Contact:

Sarah Andrews