How are you coping today? #3

I don't want to accept what happened
I can't believe what I did

Ok. Just very tired.

Better today - working day and work focuses me. I am so lucky to have a good job.

Tempted to nap after work but made myself walk and enjoyed that as it was nice weather. Then Pilates for a while. My mood is much better with exercise.

I slept most of the day so I could cope. I wasn't feeling well. This morning I am a little better. Just getting tired.

what is " coping"

something I am just not doing. litirally not

Not the best day. Got upset twice, with the feeling that not much feels right inside, but I don’t know if I can fix it (have felt it many times, but it generally passes and comes back another day). Also ended up waiting ages outside two different charity shops to give donations to them. Normally I’m really patient but today felt increasingly annoyed the longer I had to wait.

I’m off and on. I was doing pretty badly this morning. Then 11-2:30 were decent although I was asleep and half asleep for most of that time. Now I just feel kinda crappy. Not sure if it’s just general depression, post op stuff or seasonal. Also I haven’t eaten much of anything in 24 hours. Which may just be my main issue.

I am doing okay. I had an accident at work this morning and was lucky to avoid serious injury- I was a bit shaken but my supervisor made me sit down and rest. Counting my blessings although I have a corker bruise!

I guess I'm coping all right. Except I'm kind of dreading errands I have to do today.

I am doing well.

I’m doing pretty good today.

um, i think i'm a few minutes away from saying 'screw it' and giving in to the overwhelming-ness ! aka, saying i don't care / nothing matters now and just curling up with my blankie in the chair. then cranking up the tv to drown my mind/emotions out.....


if you seek further explanation, go here:
https://psychcentralforums.com/post-...ml#post6952083

Dear @jrae, Thank you for sharing your thoughts & feelings. So many others here experience similar overwhelming feelings of futility. It makes sence to me, knowing some of your circumstances, that you would feel this way. I wish that I knew how to make it all go away. All I can tell you is that I, & I'm sure certain others, wish that this terrible time you've been enduring will finally end & that you will be able to experience the happiness you deserve. God bless you, jrae!!

I’m kind of annoyed because I asked my mom for something and she said “oh your so helpless sometimes” it really hurt. I still can’t bend down like that. I texted her about it and she said she was joking. But this is one of the reasons people get into post op depression. They think they are being a burden on people. I would never say that to her at all if she asked for my help let alone if she had surgery 9 days ago.

Oh boy I found out which bits I hurt with my work accident yesterday, fortunately none serious.

I spent way too much time online today, for me this is linked with anxiety. I need to curb it.

Other than that a good day and I got a good long run in which is a bonus!

Doing okay. I'm facing things head on. Its hard! But it feels like it might be worth it. I am working on raising my self esteem. And facing it directly, Its like opening a box of monsters. But it also feels worth it.

I went for a walk in the park today, it was really nice.

I'm trying to cope today. I've been practicing the Sedona Method. I have to keep trying. Just wish I could get some sleep.

I am still upset over being bullied as a disabled person at the post office on Tuesday.They have priority disabled hour 9am to 10am and that means if disabled you don't have to queue you stand to the side and get served first.But the worker directing people on Tuesday was in a pnaic over the rising covid rate and wanted everyone to use hand sanitiser.so told me I had to join the queue in future,why are you not in the queue he asked me,I said I'm disabled I get priority,he said no you must queue.So I asked the boos is priority hour for the disabled still going he said yes,but if no one is in the queue he said you have to enter by way of the queue and we want people to use the hand sanitiser.I said no I can't use the hand sanitiser it bring me out in a rash.I also noticed that they had taped a seat up I used to pull out from under the counter and sit on it while I was being served,they taped it so I couldn't do that,I complained to the boss about it,he said you can't complain about the seats cos that's why we have prority hour for the disabled.I said yes but that worker that you defended said I can't have priority and that in future I have to queue.The boss just dismissed me and said I am not going to discuss this any further and walk off.I felt worthless and bullied,if they have priority hour for disabled and I am disabled why did the boss let the worker talk to me like that.When I got home I wrote an email complaining to the post office head office.First for saying I had to queue even though I was priority disabled and then for taping the seat up.What difference does it make if I sit down,am I more likely to get covid if I sit down and not likely to get it if I stand up whilst being served.Where is the logic in that?

Anyway after that incident on Tuesday,my self worth plummeted,I lost confidence and my self esteem went way down low,so yesterday I phoned my psychologist whom I was meant to see back in March but they stopped face to face sessions due to covid.She rang me today and said we can have online sessions vis azoom so I am booked in for next week.I have been sad all day today and it because of tuesday's incident,I went to the cafe for a panini cos I was low on food didn't get my food delivery today until a couple of hours ago.I packed the shopping away and did housework after getting home from cafe.I just made a curry for tomorrow my niece is visitng me,we are going to eat at home then go out and see a film.So I made the curry,only got the rice to make tomorrow and heat the curry and naan bread.

Tonight I keep remembering the incident on Tuesday and getting wound up.Those two at the post office the worker and his boss are two of the most arrogant male pricks I have ever met...it upsets me that I am going to have to keep going there and having them bully me.I am angry with them and I despise them.

I look on the outside as if I am ok but I am deeply hurt and wounded,and my self esteem is at rock bottom,like back years ago when I was seriously mentally ill and deeply hurt and afraid of people those two moronic pricks have triggered my old wounds from years ago when I was unfairly and wrongly picked on and bullied for no other reason than the people who did it were jealous of me....it was unfair and unjust and it feels the same now,unfair and unjust,they discriminated against me as a disabled person,they ignored my disabilty and treated me shamefully.I hope head office upholds my complaint.

I'm stressed and very tired tonight. I might try to get some more sleep soon.