How are you coping today? #3

Cant believe what i've done
Wish I still had some time.

Today I think I feel like I'm coping a little better than recently. I mostly attribute that to reading posts, including different forums here. I also keep purposely remembering things I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

I been distracting myself with house work to avoid my emotional pain.

Had a good morning and afternoon, but felt frustrated later as don’t feel I’m allowed to truly speak my mind here. I’d love to be more honest but just get responses like “that’s just how it is” or some other kind of push back against my honesty, even when I’m not “being snappy” (according to mum - aka the smallest hint of sharpness in my voice). I know it’s not good for me, but I’m still afraid of being as direct as I want. It’s not even things that anyone can fix, so maybe I should just save it for my diary.

I didn’t sleep very well last night so I had a lot of caffeine today. But I felt pretty good. Right now I feel kind of down about Covid and what not. But I did ok today.

I was feeling burnt out but now feel ok. Life continues. I wanted to cut back my hours at work because I was really feeling bad but now feel I can manage. I was so wasted that I could not wake up and slept for 12 hours. I woke up and cleaned my apartment. Now, I am doing my laundry. I think the stress I feel from work is manageable but at times feels like it is not.

Dipping into a book on CBT which sometimes helps.

one of the things I always comment on when I post to these check-in threads, is the quality of my food

yesterday I had undercooked scampi, so needed a few snacks after to fill me up. I didn't sleep.

today I have been talking to one of my email friends brendan for most of the day. he has a doctors appointment tomorrow for some blood tests, and he's a bit anxious (so reasuring him it will be fine), and I told him that when he gets back he can vent all he likes to me (that's why I'm their!)

not much in terms of productivity. watched some tv, but triggered by



listened to some music (on atlantic storm)

that's about it

I'm having the worst day, It's not even 10 am and I am hating everything about myself: my shoes, my face, my clothes etc. etc. I wish I were someone else. Today I can see I won't be coping with anything. Gonna spend all day and night in bed and hope things change tomorrow.

It's raining at the moment. That always puts a smile on my face. I'm trying to wake up so I can have a good day. I'm just waiting for my Tylenol to kick in. Then I will read and relax to cope.

I am about to make some peanut butter oatmeal cookies, which I think will be a nice treat. Also I hope to watch a fun movie after I get some things done, so I don't feel irresponsible.

I just took a benzo as I was feeling so cruddy. I haven't cleaned my fangs and I am not sleepy. I've also had too much sugary food today, ice cream and shortbread biscuits. I'm missing 2 people who used to be here (more than 2 in fact ) I'm pretty sure they are safe and well. I also do not like being invalidated when I post about my pain (not here). Who does, I guess. I do not have a therapist who listens. They are all about ''teaching people to cope'' in this forest and people are discharged after 6 sessions. ''Coping'' basically means 'getting on with it and doing things''... little interest in our quality of life. Not being allowed to vent, even about severe trauma. Little understanding. Very little higher thinking. Where did they ''learn to be carers''... I think some of us here could do a better job (if it wasn't for our MI, we would quickly experience burn out )

I did have a bit of fun with Papa bear today (my husband). He doesn't like talking and I do... : He is a lovely bear The rest of his family are much more talkative, one of them is Narcissistic.

I'm coping this morning by tackling my to do list. I have one more item to handle and that will be once the sun comes up. So for now, I will relax and read. Maybe go back to bed.

I had a delivery today (and that's always exciting, I love the post)

it was a new jane austin mug which I won a couple weeks ago.

never read her books, so don't really know why I entered. suppose I just needed a new mug (I actually don't have many).

this one's pretty plain, it's white with the word jane austin on it. but hey I won something, I'm not complaining (I never win anything!)

not really doing much else today (hah, surprise!)

I am looking forward to my dinner though. not the food, looking forward to drinking out of my new mug

Well I now have 2 dates for in person therapy sessions this year. One next Thursday. The last end of October. I guess 2 is all I’m getting before I move. Better then not ever seeing her again though. No exact date yet on the move mom wants it this year though. I had my doctors appointment which went well. But I got 2 shots and my blood drawn today. So I’m not sure how tomorrow will go. When I get a flu shot I usually feel pretty sick and sore the next day. So I rescheduled therapy for Wednesday morning. Basically today I’m just super tired and noticeably out of it.

A very sociable day which was fun but I am so unused to socialising it left me quite tired. I am sleepy now.

I saw how late it was getting and I panicked a bit and then I thought wait, that’s a good thing that’s it’s getting late. Don’t I want things to hurry up? I don’t know. I guess the whole time going fast thing has always kinda freaked me out. So that’s why I try to practice mindfulness and stuff. Or else my mind will always be on the next thing and then the next. I think it’s partially the media’s fault. I mean I’m sure retail stores already have Christmas things up in addition to Halloween things.

I’m coping well today overall mainly because I took action yesterday. Or today could have been a **** show.

Could be better and why am I so perfectionist. Can’t I let it go, is it kind of OCD or just something else. It’s too easy to isolate now with coronavirus and now wild fires going on. Will give myself a break for now and try again tomorrow.

Love Jane Austin movies, but have never read any of her books.

I had an Okay day. I mainly rested. And I used some DBT skills today.