[NeedHelp104]

I'm angry I am mentally ill....Sorry i need to vent.

My family has never understood me. I'm 23, first job, discovered my brain wasn't healthy and most of my money is being spent on neuropsychology testing and psychiatric treatment out of pocket because I don't know what is wrong with me. It is super stressful. I've realized I've struggled my entire life and my family never even noticed and I hate them for it. People at work judge me for it, label me sensitive, or something else and you end up not being part of their clique or a 'problem'. I am alone. No friends, no social life, never been on a date, because I know my mental health is not great and I can barely take care of myself. I have to mask to protect my identity because I have no hobbies or interests, and have to pretend to fit in. My smile everyday is an act, it isn't real.

This life is just so unbearably hard. I don't even consider my family a support system. They blame me for how I feel. Everyday I feel sad or anxious, I have some motor coordination problems that are probably a result of underlying/untreated PTSD I suffered as a child and it affects my work or some underlying learning disability I am unaware of. And if I feel fatigued, anxious, or irritable as a result of my depression and and anxiety my family blames me for it, labeling me as , "bipolar" in a derogatory way.

I just wish I had someone understand that it isn't a choice. I want to live happy. I want to find fulfillment. I want to go to work and not feel depressed, anxious, or like a burden. But it's embarrassing and isolating when you walk into work trying to make a life for yourself and people know you're 'different', and on top of that some treat you that way, and you're alone trying to figure out what makes you, yourself, different, and your own family either blames you for it or doesn't understand.

It's so hard. Unbearably hard. I made a psychiatrist appointment for next month and my neuropsychology test is soon and I am hoping for answers.

[Thunder Bow]

You are investing in your own personal growth and that is something to be proud of. You may want to get out of that work situation and start looking for another job.

[Fuzzybear]

A blaming, unsupportive family (rings true for me).

Kudos for investing in your personal growth.