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Turtle_Rider
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 01:15 AM
  #1
Hello, need to vent here.

My Dad has four parasitic relatives, three brothers (one deceased) and a sister with another parasitic son. They’ve been lazy since their youth, loves gambling, never had stable job, and bad with money management. Even worse, one of the brother and the nephew have criminal history. They are fully dependent on my Dad up until now and they are over 60 (except the nephew, he is almost 40).

My parents always berate them for their stupid deeds, nevertheless they keep giving them money. They have no effort to make these parasites better nor sever the ties with them. Now as I and my brother are working and my parents begin to retire, these parasites begin to come to us as well. I refuse to give my hard-earned money to these moneys*ckers. Yet, parents still “pity” them. If we refuse, parents always beg us for money… for them. I don’t mind giving my parents money IF it really for their own needs. I have no respect to these parasites. I don’t think they deserve any sympathy. They clearly treat us nothing but living-cash machine. They know my Dad is still hospitalized and our financial suffered greatly to pay these bills, and they still asking for more money.

I have no idea anymore how to deal with them. Pushing my parents to sever the ties does not work, since parents have no will to. I’m not sure either, if I am the wrong party here.
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 02:41 AM
  #2
In my humble opinion no you are not wrong. I would not give my hard earned cash to them either. I can't tell my mom or dad no but anyone else in the family I typically tell them who is hiring and what they can do to go earn money.

You are very right that your parents "helping " them does the exact opposite. They have never learned to provide for themselves and stand on their own because your parents bail them out. I think you are right to stop the cycle.

You said that when you tell the parasites no then your parents come and ask for the money. Other than cutting your parents off too I have an idea that might help. When this happens don't give your parents the money BUT offer to take care of what they need. If they say they need groceries tell them to make you a list and you will go pick it up. Or if they say they need money for a bill tell them you will go pay it. That way you can make sure the money goes for your parents and not the parasites. I'm sure this will be hard for you because you will need to be able to stand firm with your parents and not give them the cash.

I just hope your parents don't give the parasites all their money then your parents expect you to take care of their needs because they are broke. You might have to stop helping your parents if that occurs. Maybe if they see that they can't rely on you if they give all their money away they will stop it out of simple self preservation. I know that would be very hard for you because you are a good person but it might be the only choice you get left with.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 04:14 AM
  #3
Youre under no obligation to support their bad habits or bad money management. What your parents do is their business but it doesnt have to be yours.

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 04:19 AM
  #4
Your parents have enabled these relatives, but you don’t have to continue in this way. Never give a gambler money.

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 06:25 AM
  #5
i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. Do not give them money if all they're going to do is spend them in gambling. Unfortunately i am not sure if there's much you can do to convince your parents but try to be sure where your money is going when you lend it to them. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Turtle_Rider, your family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 08:18 AM
  #6
Thanks all for your support.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raindropvampire View Post

You said that when you tell the parasites no then your parents come and ask for the money. Other than cutting your parents off too I have an idea that might help. When this happens don't give your parents the money BUT offer to take care of what they need. If they say they need groceries tell them to make you a list and you will go pick it up. Or if they say they need money for a bill tell them you will go pay it. That way you can make sure the money goes for your parents and not the parasites. I'm sure this will be hard for you because you will need to be able to stand firm with your parents and not give them the cash.

I just hope your parents don't give the parasites all their money then your parents expect you to take care of their needs because they are broke. You might have to stop helping your parents if that occurs. Maybe if they see that they can't rely on you if they give all their money away they will stop it out of simple self preservation. I know that would be very hard for you because you are a good person but it might be the only choice you get left with.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this
Thanks for your advice I'll try that
Yes, it will hard to say no to them, as sometimes we had arguments because I refuse to give the money. Sometimes, they said they will repay the money the borrowed from me for those parasites (and yes they did sometimes) and I have no idea to counter this. I personally never ask them to repay though, as what I want is to cut the ties with these parasites. I guess I have to wait until my Dad's demise to do so.
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 03:25 PM
  #7
I have no respect for people who don’t make any effort to obtain livable wages themselves and don’t rely on their own income but instead beg of demand or expect relatives to support them/leave them money in the will/bail them out etc. You can’t force your parents to stop giving them money but you yourself shouldn’t give them any, in my opinion. They can beg. You don’t have to give them anything
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 03:41 PM
  #8
Those parasites do not have a reason to work hard.They get free money.Please do not enable this behaviour. I have a hunch they will try to latch onto you if something happens to your parents or if they no longer can give.Stay away from such parasites.Once they starve,they may be motivated to put food on their own table.
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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 04:09 PM
  #9
These parasites are taking your parents money away from you, too. Because they are getting it, you or your children (if any) will not inherit any. They stole your parents’ legacy.

These kinds of people can be ruthless in their persuasion. If you want to make a clean break from them, it would be good to protect yourself. I’m sorry your parents buckled to the pressure and let them use them up.

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Default Feb 03, 2021 at 05:32 PM
  #10
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this I agree, not to give these people money if they are going to spend it on gambling

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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 10:22 PM
  #11
Thanks all for the kind support
One of them came again yesterday. We're just entering the second month of 2021, but I don't count how many times I've dealt with them anymore since the New Year. Well, in the end Mom gave him money lower than his demand, because he wouldn't leave our house even when I scolded then we ignored him outside for almost 2 hours. This is crazy...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
These parasites are taking your parents money away from you, too. Because they are getting it, you or your children (if any) will not inherit any. They stole your parents’ legacy.
Yes, I realize that too, and quite fear about it. So far, I and my Brother began to take over his assets little by little. We are going to hire a Notary to take care about other assets soon after my Dad discharged from the hospital. To our little luck, they are either infertile or abandoning their own children as well. I could use this to convince my Dad to not give (or at least lessen) his inheritance to them.
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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 11:06 PM
  #12
If your parents help them out financially already, I don’t understand how they have audacity to expect inheritance on top of it.
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