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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 04:02 AM
  #1
Excessive crying: behavioral and emotional regulation disorder in infancy

“An infant's crying has 2 possible consequences: it may elicit tenderness and desire to sooth, or helplessness and rage. It can be a signal that encourages attachment or one that jeopardizes the early relationship by triggering depression and, in some cases, even neglect or abuse.”

My “mood disorder” originated all the way back to birth. I always had the excessive crying disorder. It was only triggered by the mother who did not soothe, rather neglected me to rage alone. It was then triggered by the husband who did the same. And finally, I’ve butted heads with most of my family in recent years because they didn’t care for me, either. I tried to repair those breaks while requiring to hold on to a shred of self esteem. My one sister met me in that, and we are good now.

So now I know this is what I have. The family who turned on me will not take pity on me no matter what (just like the parenting that caused this). I just need to stick to those who do have kindness and care in their hearts.

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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 08:41 AM
  #2
What happens during our childhoods can affect us forever. i am So Sorry that you were neglected because you dertainly deserve much better than that. i am confident that you will be able and that you already ARE CAPABLE to find the strength necessary to go on. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @TishaBuv, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 01:22 PM
  #3
I have acute environmental allergies, too, and I am convinced they all tie together. Looking back, I either sneezed or cried my head off at different times in my life. . From age 12-32, there was no trigger person who caused any crying. During those years there was plenty of allergy attacks. I had such bad attacks, I’d convulse...same with the emotional ‘attacks’.

I AM going to pull myself through this. .

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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 01:29 PM
  #4
The first three months are difficult for the mother as well in that many mothers are sleep deprived. This is especially true if the infant has problems with colicing. A baby completely changes a mother's life and the mother can struggle if the baby is colicy and get frustrated.

My husband tended to be colicy and in order to get him to sleep his mother took him out for a ride in the car. Now they have special seats that vibrate that helps not only with colic but if the baby tends to be restless like my husband. My husband has ADHD and tends to struggle to sit still and is very active. Now this is understood better, but when he was a baby and child growing up ADHD was not recognized.

If you struggled and did not get the attention you needed it doesn't always mean you were not loved. What it tends to mean is the mother simply did not know what to do and got frustrated a lot. Also, it's good to know that when a baby is hungry their stomach does hurt causing them to cry which is all a baby knows how to do to get needs met. So, if you combine the crying to be fed along with the crying from colic, that can become an ongoing challenge for the mother that can get very tiring and frustrating.
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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 07:01 PM
  #5
Childhood effects us, no doubt. There was also a very strange belief that kids don’t need to be soothed when they cry. Crazy belief if you ask me

I am not sure though if being very emotional and prone to crying relates to allergies. One of my nephews has severe allergies. Very bad. My niece has none of those. My allergy prone nephew has no crying fits whatsoever and isn’t overly emotional or was ever neglected. My daughter and ex husband have a couple of the same allergies, she isn’t crying more than most people and she was a calm baby and child. Her dad isn’t a crier or overly emotional. I just do not see the connection. How do they tie together?
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Default Feb 04, 2021 at 07:08 PM
  #6
I had a professor who was well known in the area as he consulted different facilities re complicated issues. He used to say that he could look at a baby and his/her parents and how they interact and say if the child will have learning (especially language based) or other difficulties (including emotional) growing up. Only that much of it is genetics. The rest is nurture. Of course I think he exaggerated a bit to make a point but a lot could be said about child’s future based on how parents interact with an infant
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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 11:29 AM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Childhood effects us, no doubt. There was also a very strange belief that kids don’t need to be soothed when they cry. Crazy belief if you ask me

I am not sure though if being very emotional and prone to crying relates to allergies. One of my nephews has severe allergies. Very bad. My niece has none of those. My allergy prone nephew has no crying fits whatsoever and isn’t overly emotional or was ever neglected. My daughter and ex husband have a couple of the same allergies, she isn’t crying more than most people and she was a calm baby and child. Her dad isn’t a crier or overly emotional. I just do not see the connection. How do they tie together?
The Dr. Spock effect could have influenced certain parenting choices in my case. But, it wasn’t like she felt compassion and wanted to soothe me but didn’t.

The allergy/ emotion connection feels to me like they are the same kind of ‘attack’. My body is doing the same thing in both attacks, one only involves the nose, the other involves the eyes and nose and emotions. I have asked my allergist about this and he had never heard of it. At that time, I also told him how it’s strange when I step out into the sun, it triggers a sneezing response and wondered why. He hadn’t heard of it then, either, but since it has come into scientific acceptance as a reflex that does exist.

Kind of funny aside story— I toured Neuschwanstein Castle once and had the worst sneezing, allergy attack of my life.

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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 12:32 PM
  #8
Lots of people sneeze when go in a sun. I never wondered why. There might be something to it.

Here it is
Why looking at the sun can make you sneeze | PBS NewsHour
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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 12:38 PM
  #9
Kind off topic but my daughter and her dad have couple of random allergies. One is apple allergy. Funny thing she developed all her allergies in adulthood or approaching adulthood, she had none as a child
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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
The first three months are difficult for the mother as well in that many mothers are sleep deprived. This is especially true if the infant has problems with colicing. A baby completely changes a mother's life and the mother can struggle if the baby is colicy and get frustrated.

My husband tended to be colicy and in order to get him to sleep his mother took him out for a ride in the car. Now they have special seats that vibrate that helps not only with colic but if the baby tends to be restless like my husband. My husband has ADHD and tends to struggle to sit still and is very active. Now this is understood better, but when he was a baby and child growing up ADHD was not recognized.

If you struggled and did not get the attention you needed it doesn't always mean you were not loved. What it tends to mean is the mother simply did not know what to do and got frustrated a lot. Also, it's good to know that when a baby is hungry their stomach does hurt causing them to cry which is all a baby knows how to do to get needs met. So, if you combine the crying to be fed along with the crying from colic, that can become an ongoing challenge for the mother that can get very tiring and frustrating.
I’m sure I have a family history of several with ADHD, too.

The early experience for me was i would not eat, and my mother’s way of coping with it was not healthy. She was screaming, verbal abuse, relentless, unapologetic. This ended for me once she became distracted by my father’s nervous breakdown and death.

I do recall times after that where i avoided confrontations I knew would trigger me to tears, and knew they would be uncontrollable if I started and I’d embarrass myself if I let that happen...so I never let it happen.

The next time I was ever triggered to tears like that was the first time I went to the therapist at my college because of a relationship with my bf. The t learned about my father and only wanted me to focus on him in this only session we ever had. I lost it and cried the whole time and then never went back.

The clergy triggered me to cry before my wedding ceremony. Awful story. I pulled myself together and walked down the aisle. People commented how I must have been so overjoyed they could see I had been crying. It wasn’t from joy.

Then my h was the sole trigger of the frustration turned to crying ‘meltdowns’ after some years of marriage, and this has been the way ever since. He’s the only one who had this effect on me, until the family fallout recently, which I am moving on from the best I can and feeling stronger.

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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 02:15 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Lots of people sneeze when go in a sun. I never wondered why. There might be something to it.

Here it is
Why looking at the sun can make you sneeze | PBS NewsHour
Yes, this article explains it, and see how recent they have recognized it! My way for coping with the allergies is basically to avoid the allergens, and to take allergy meds. I’ve tried prescription ones, allergy shots, and over the counter ones. I’m not even on any allergy meds now. If I’m exposed to the allergen, I don’t seem to react as severely anymore like I did when I was younger.

Divine— It’s interesting that your daughter developed an allergy later in life. It’s usually that children grow out of the allergy.

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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 03:11 PM
  #12
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Yes, this article explains it, and see how recent they have recognized it! My way for coping with the allergies is basically to avoid the allergens, and to take allergy meds. I’ve tried prescription ones, allergy shots, and over the counter ones. I’m not even on any allergy meds now. If I’m exposed to the allergen, I don’t seem to react as severely anymore like I did when I was younger.

Divine— It’s interesting that your daughter developed an allergy later in life. It’s usually that children grow out of the allergy.
I heard people develop allergies later. My daughter had none. My nephew had none as the child either. Don’t know what’s up with that. My daughter has all the same allergies her dad has, just to a lesser degree, I have none. My nephew didn’t inherit it from anyone, his is allergy to pets and other stuff. He used to get shots. No one has it in neither family.

Who knows. Allergy is an interesting thing. Not fully understood. We also moved across the world so environment changed and some people in my family moved across the world to a third location lol so exposure to environment changed several times
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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 04:00 PM
  #13
Sounds a lot like attachment issues; which are developed at a very young age. The first attachment is the care giver (often the mother). However; some mother’s haven’t had a proper development of attachment with their own caregivers; therefore, an absence is developed by the child.
Dr. Allan Schore and others have written extensively on this topic. Having attachment issues can affect one throughout relationships. It’s especially seen in those who struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder (me Excessive Crying/ Emotional Dysregulation). I’m learning to use my faith in managing emotions and also therapy. Excessive Crying/ Emotional Dysregulation

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Default Feb 05, 2021 at 04:43 PM
  #14
Very interesting thread.I remember having allergies during certain periods of my life.I never connected the dots.I used to sneeze lot,literally 100 's at a time.In my preteens when very much distressed I had a phase where I was in denial of abuse ,but wanted to sooth myself( in a way this is the recognition that abuse existed,no body soothes you ,so you want to soothe yourself),both thoughts trying to exist at the same time which is contradictory to each other,results in unbelievable emotional pain.I didn't want to cry because half the brain denies the reality.So I used to gather some neighborhood younger kids to have a backyard picnic.They were happy to come as they get fresh home cooked meals,I used to sing for them.We played funny games .I remember the continuous sneezing,because the kids had fun inventing special games,like who counts the sneezes fast or they had bets over who guesses that days sneeze count.So yeah emotional turmoil and allergies could be connected. By the way now I don't have any.I think once realized what my past was,taken steps towards improving my life,then they disappeared. I didn't see my allergies lessening while on medications.Now I DO not need any anymore.
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Default Feb 06, 2021 at 09:21 AM
  #15
I can fully and emotionally relate to this. The dumping of negative emotions by my mother onto me destroyed me. At the ripe young age of 45, I still try to grasp how to deal with the neglect I felt as a child. As I said before, it has manifested itself in all of my personal relationships. Many times I feel like a sleeping dragon. I want to be hugged, but the dragon is waiting in the cave to breathe fire.
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Default Feb 25, 2021 at 02:45 PM
  #16
crying is good, because it helps to release reppresed emotions. Holding your tears down can be toxic.
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Default Feb 27, 2021 at 02:28 AM
  #17
I agree that crying can be good and I’m starting to think that repressing emotions causes a lot of problems for people in general. When it comes on suddenly and feels out of control it likely means that there is something big that hasn’t been fully dealt with, like childhood neglect. I’m not sure the best way to deal with these kinds of overwhelming feelings and emotions that connect to childhood neglect. Would it even be possible to just cry all the pain away?
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Default Feb 27, 2021 at 05:58 AM
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I agree that crying can be good and I’m starting to think that repressing emotions causes a lot of problems for people in general. When it comes on suddenly and feels out of control it likely means that there is something big that hasn’t been fully dealt with, like childhood neglect. I’m not sure the best way to deal with these kinds of overwhelming feelings and emotions that connect to childhood neglect. Would it even be possible to just cry all the pain away?
I don’t think I CAN repress emotions very well, if i try. That would be emotional regulation, and I suppose I have difficulty doing it, if the trigger is one that sets me off to the degree that my emotions take over. I only have a small amount of things that trigger me like that. Most things do not trigger me, I do not lose control of emotions, I do not react badly at all. I actually handle most stresses very well and am supportive of others.

I remember being fed in my high chair. I had an eating issue from birth, and we never figured out the cause. I just didn’t eat. This is what caused the early childhood conflict with my mother who handled it badly by being mean about it. The first hysterical crying episodes were over this issue with her, but not from the high chair time, it blew up later when I was a little older... maybe 6 or so. This lasted a few years, but then she stopped noticing my eating, so I stopped getting abused by her and stopped crying hysterically.

I cried often during elementary school due to a group of cliquey, bully girls. Then we moved and my social life changed greatly for the better from there on.

I had a handful of fights with my mom over the next 20 years that had me crying due to her screaming.

Nothing else brought me to tears during that whole time. I did have bad incidents sometimes with friends or boyfriends, but never me crying.

Then after marriage, my husband’s treatment of me became my worst nightmare trigger. I have been coping with this and desperately trying to diffuse my (now diagnosed) disorder.

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Default Mar 01, 2021 at 04:59 PM
  #19
I’m so sorry TishaBuv, though I think it’s good you can at least trace it to specific instances in your life.

I have certain triggers, too. Not always sure what they are though. It’s hardest to control when I try to talk right after being triggered and then I can’t help but cry. This just encourages me to keep quiet and it’s unhealthy since it can already be challenging for me to speak up with others.

I remember crying a lot as a young child, then I just stopped until pretty recently. It’s hard to remember anything specific as a child, maybe just general neglect by my parents. Now that I realize what happened (narcissistic abuse), I feel like a weepy mess again - kind of reverting to childhood feelings again I guess.
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