[What_the_hell]

Hi guys, I have a strange situation going on: I feel like my childhood dreams are chasing me, even though I’m not even sure if I want them!!

. Since I was a kid, I ‘ve dreamt of being famous & on stage, doing music or acting. I was sent to do dance by my parents when I was 3 and nagged them to let me play piano at 6. Piano was my choice, with dance it was kind of just always there. I am emphasizing this because I am trying to see which desires are mine and which aren't. I was also writing songs and stories but barely sharing with anyone.
With dance it was different - I was on stage and stuff. There was a lot of pushing myself and comparing myself to others. I’d quit dance on and off but I love the movement so I’d always come back. With music I was more private and quit music school after 7 yrs. During my uni years, I was performing dance here and there, had kind of a love-hate relationship with it an eating disorder and constantly comparing myself to others. I also taught dance for 2 years and did theatre. I was feeling exhausted though. I loved the atmosphere of stage, theatre, being surrounded by creative artistic people but was just feeling like others were always better somehow. I've received lots of compliments but it never felt like enough and my energy levels were quite low.
I’ve started and dropped MANY creative projects. Some projects were completed but I was too shy to share with anyone. I kind of lost faith in my ability to maintain anything long-term.

I am almost 28 now and each time I look at young musicians or creative people in the spotlight in general, i feel so, so ******. I admire them, I adore them but I also feel SO jealous & miserable that I didn’t achieve that. I start blaming myself for not being persistent enough but I am also Really tired of pushing myself and having these huge expectations. I’d love to develop in a creative field or fields but I feel totally overwhelmed by this inner dialogue and the amount of younger people who’ve ‘already made it’. I think they are so much more talented than I am and I will never achieve that level, I've lost time. Sometimes I wish I lived on a deserted island in a very small community without internet, so I wouldn’t be exposed to such a wide range of successful people :\ I am not proud of these thoughts, kind of the opposite.
Any advice - raw, honest sincere advice - would be appreciated.

[MickeyCheeky]

i don't have a lot of advice but i think you're far from being the only one whom has struggles or is struggling with similar things. In fact i don't think it's unlikely that many of the people whom are famous now and that you admire and/or are enviour of had to put up with similar expectations. i'd suggest to work with a therapist if you feel like he/she may be useful to work on this. You have every right to be successful in a creative career as much as anyone else and it would be a shame to throw away your chance. These are just my thoughts. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @What_the_hell, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[What_the_hell]

thanks for your support!! <3 sending good energy your way, too

What you're experiencing is your conscious mind and your ego urging you to follow your life's passions and interests. When we neglect ourselves due to our emotional trauma, we go into "hiding," and we repress our true purposes for being here. Those feelings you have, is your own mind urging you to start pursuing what you've hidden away.

Find a way to pursue what you want to pursue. If there's a will, there's a way.