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Scarlet Alexis
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Default Mar 22, 2021 at 01:21 AM
  #1
I'm feeling a lot of anxiety about a family member. He is uprooting his life pretty abruptly, in a way I could never do myself. I have tried to express support for his decisions, which most likely will work out well. But I still have a lot of anxiety. I can't sleep.

My parents live in the same metro area as me, and have received the covid-19 vaccine. So they seem to be physically fine. But my mother is not an empathetic person, and has enjoyed saying things that upset me to get a reaction out of me. She has been manipulative, and it used to take 3-4 days to get over my frustration and confusion after being around her. So I have greatly reduced my communication with my parents for my own self-preservation.

I feel guilty that if I just paid more attention to my parents, my other relative wouldn't have had to uproot his good life to move back here and be available to them. My parents are depressed, narcissistic soul-suckers. And this all feels like my fault now.

Thanks for letting me vent!
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Scarlet Alexis
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Default Mar 22, 2021 at 02:20 AM
  #2
Thank you RoxanneToto!
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Thanks for this!
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Default Mar 22, 2021 at 02:24 AM
  #3
This isn’t your doing, so please don’t feel guilty! Your mother sounds like my dad; I still live with my parents and I choose to have very little contact with him because of the kind of behaviour you describe - he likes causing a reaction because he is an empty bucket with a hole in, emotionally speaking. If your mother is the same then she will do nothing but take until she’s drained you, you literally couldn’t fill her emotional void. You are doing the best thing for yourself in a game you can’t win. It’s not your job to fix your parents.
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Default Mar 22, 2021 at 03:15 AM
  #4
Thank you for your kind words--that really means a lot!

I worry that my relative will get pulled into unhealthy drama caused by my controlling mother. I feel lIke I'm just hanging on by a thread these days, and I know my parents also want to treat me like I'm their therapist. I used to listen, but started feeling smothered. My parents want to use me as a sounding board, and then start picking fights or denying my version of events. It's a mess-with-the-mind situation.

You are right-it's not my job to fix my parents. It's so deeply ingrained. I'm struggling to remind myself of that.
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Default Mar 22, 2021 at 03:17 AM
  #5
Thank you, Tuned Out!
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Default Mar 22, 2021 at 11:59 AM
  #6
It’s a difficult situation and I feel for you and your relative, truly. I’m at a loss for what to suggest in practical terms, though, besides look after and be kind to yourself. It might help if you could think of some healthy boundaries you could put round your relationships with your parents, as long as you can stick to them if/when they try and push against them. It’s ok if you can’t do that, though, sometimes reduced/no contact is the better, or only real option.
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Default Mar 22, 2021 at 01:43 PM
  #7
i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. i think you're simply taking care of yourself. If you feel guilty about this person you can simply tell them what you know about your parents and warn them to be really careful. i am not sure if there is much more you can do after all it is their own choice but i may be wrong of course. i Hope and Pray things will improve with your own parents. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Scarlet Alexis, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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