Feeling Overwhelmed

I have a lot of negative thoughts right now... I just got a promotion at work, and so far, everyone seems to think I’m doing really well. But what if I blow it??? I feel so anxious about it. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I make a massive mistake. I feel like it’ll be a complete disaster and they’ll regret promoting me in the first place. I’ll just be a huge mistake. Speaking of huge, I checked my weight today— I won’t say what it is because I don’t feel like being the laughing stock of this forum. But it’s really high. The problem is, as someone who’s struggled with every eating disorder you can think of, I don’t know how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I’m always yo-yoing between anorexia/bulimia and binge eating. From 2014-2018, I lived on under 300 calories a day (I know that because I religiously kept track) and exercised with sprained ankles and pink eye, etc. Now I don’t exercise at all and I binge eat, usually at night when I get home from work. I know it’s really bad for my health to constantly be doing that, but I don’t know any other way. I seem to have no concept of what a healthy relationship with my body is. Yet another thing that proves I am a failure. I just wish my inner freakin monologue would shut up sometimes.

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First of all - well done on your promotion, those who gave it to you obviously did so on criteria, and so it was earned.

I wonder if you have heard of imposter syndrome? It's actually quite common and some very capable high achievers can doubt their own worth within their role.

With my first promotion into management, I lasted just over a year before asking to be returned to contributor. Much to my managers disappointment, because she thought I was doing a great job. Five years later I was promoted again to an even higher management level because I was the obvious choice and they needed me to move up in the org. Great reviews, talk of a Directorship, connections with influential executives, but after a year I quit, also to the disappointment of a lot of people. Self doubt and impostor syndrome took away from me a bright future. Now I struggle with even thinking the local grocery store would hire me.

If you are not, please get some help. Don't let your negative voice keep you from a better life.

Congratulations on your promotion! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about this possibly being some sort of impostor syndrome. Please do not let that take away your accomplishments. i'd suggest to seek Help if this thing continues to bother you. i think it's normal to feel anxious about this sort of thing but do not allow this to stop you. Are you currently seeing a therapist or any other sort of medical professional for Help to manage your own eating disorders? Please do not give up. Hugs. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @indigo1015, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I’d also like to congratulate you on your promotion, and agree with the general consensus - although, if it is imposter syndrome, it’s relatively easy to work through as long as you approach it consciously and are consistent until you feel better about things. It takes time and effort, but it’s doable! It’s natural to worry about having more responsibility, in any case, but clearly your employer can see what you have to offer, so this might be a decent starting point to challenge the belief that you’re not good enough.

Thanks everyone... I looked up Imposter Syndrome, and yeah, that definitely sounds like me. I’ve tried counseling for eating disorders and frankly, they were no help. The counselors all looked like freakin models and kept saying **** like, “you need to learn to love your body no matter what” and “that comment is your eating disorder talking— I’m not going to talk to your eating disorder.” ****ing useless. Screw that.

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You definitely aren't a failure.

You sound like you are coping with some overwhelming feelings. Would you say that food is possibly a way you try to manage your feelings?

I think it’s safe to say that my relationship with food is complicated. I think my mind-body connection is ****ed

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I think that's not uncommon at all. I think many people struggle managing emotions and food can become entangled within that.

In fact food marketing often plays on this.

I read you did seek counselling regarding your eating patterns, but that did not work well for you.

Do you think counselling of some sort might be helpful if you were to get the right counsellor for you?

Congratulations on your promotion, @indigo1015!! And good luck to you!!

It sounds like that stressful corporate environment was toxic to your spirit. It wasn't your true calling. You have to figure out what your true calling is. Is it the corporate world? Art? Music? Astronomy? Medical? Science? Education?

If you could do whatever you wanted for a career today, what would that look like? Write it down. Every single detail. Then, create a road map for yourself to achieve it. That's what I'm *finally* doing. Only took me 50 years. But at least I'm working on that path now.

The Fleetwood song "Gypsy" came on my iTunes today. It's a song about nostalgia. About the emotional significance of one's youth. And, remembering who you WERE before adulthood and societal norms took over and nearly destroyed that childhood innocence and creativity and drive and imagination and spirit. At it's core, "Gypsy" is a song about self-liberation. Don't give up on yourself before it's too late (old age -- life in a memory care room). Pursue your dreams NOW.

Don't forget who you really are. Shine. Be your true self now. If that toxic corporate job and that environment burnt you out it's because it wasn't the right path for you. So now you have the chance to figure out what your real true path is and figure out how to achieve it.

I cried when I heard this song b/c at 10 years old, I went as a "Gypsy" for Halloween b/c I have so many interests and different abilities that I never hunkered down to pursue individually. But now at 50 I have chosen my path. Doesn't matter if I achieve my goal. At least I'm on my path and it's the journey that matters. It always was about the journey.

Thanks @Motts! You've given me a lot to think about.

I have too many interests too, that I've not kept up with because of my career. As a kid I wanted to be an architect, but after the Army I went to college and ended up becoming a software engineer, because it was just starting to get big. After 20+ years, I can do it in my sleep, but it no longer presents a challenge and I have no passion for it. At 54, I feel just too old to do anything else or even to stay in software. That and plenty of self doubt keeps me from pursuing anything that might fit who I am now. So, I think I should just go work at a grocery store but worry about running out of savings and retirement and ending up being homeless. If a grocery store would even hire me. Self doubt sucks.

Dear @Motts & @AgentQ9A, !!!

@AgentQ9A yes self doubt definitely sucks.

I don't think 54 is necessarily too old to change direction - not everyone retires at 65 these days.

I never had the career you made for yourself - I admire you for doing that. I actually do work in a grocery store - but I enjoy lots of things about my job and it suits me fine. It wouldn't be right for everyone though.

What draws you to grocery store work? Is it the lower responsibility/stress?

Thanks @Discombobulated! I'm not drawn to working in a grocery store exactly, it's more of an example. The only real human face-to-face contact I've had the last year has been at the grocery store, so that's why I chose it. It probably does have less stress and responsibility.

More importantly, for me, it's just more fuel on the "not even a grocery store would hire me" self-pity pile. Maybe that's just my subconscious telling me to keep looking. As @Motts mentioned, I might just need to put in the actual time and effort to figure out what I actually, really want, instead of trying to take the safe road of staying with what I know but don't love, or choosing something maybe much easier even when I have no real draw to it.

Primarily, my problem is a very deep lack of meaning and purpose to my life. I can do what is easy, but unfulfilling, or I can do what is hard, but will give me what I'm missing. I know the right answer, but the amount of work is very daunting.

My apologies to you, if this sounded like I was belittling grocery stores and to @indigo1015 for going off topic.

Hey no worries at all @AgentQ9A and my apologies too @indigo1015 for my going a little off topic (I hope that the discussion will have some relevance for you, on the subject of self doubt and negative self talk).

Honestly I do share some of these thoughts and doubts too. It can be difficult to know what draws us to a particular path, sometimes we do need to take stock, to regroup and that's okay.

No worries everyone.... Interesting to see the dialogue and how many other people seem to also suffer from Imposter Syndrome.

I feel like my life is gone. I've never loved myself never had a chance to. Was molested as a child ,came from a dysfunctional family abused by two husband's and lost my little girl. I've begged God to help and he won't do anything. I'm 50 pounds now overweight and throwing up doesn't even help me anymore.

Congratulations on your promotion. Yes, it does sound like Imposter Syndrome. I hope you can believe you are capable. The people at work have faith in you. I'm sorry about the eating disorder. I hope you can find some treatment that helps. I'm sending good vibes your way.