At my breaking point

My life’s become one big train wreck in a matter of weeks. I don’t want to be alive anymore but I have to stay because of my friends and family. I’m a minor but I’m going to be getting a job soon, I need to know if there’s any help I can get without my mom consenting. I really need some options.

Rant/explanation - TW: suicide, loss, sh, ed
It started when I lost my grandma that raised me my whole life. Been ignoring it until lately when my brain isn’t letting me do that anymore. Since I lived with her, I had to move out and I’m living with my mother. Our housing situation is temporary and I don’t have a room or any privacy and it’s my first time living in a neighborhood, I panic too badly around all the people to be able to go outside for some peace. And I love my mom but she makes me eat way more than my eating disorder is okay with and I don’t have a place to get away from anyone to throw it up and ease my thoughts so my brain picks away at every little thing about myself. And for the cherry on top my sister tried to overdose in front of me today. I’m terrible at dealing with loss and every single person I care about apart from my mom is suicidal or has had suicidal thoughts at some point.

Please give me some solutions, I can’t deal with all of this. How is it possible to cope with all of this.

Do you have a therapist? Maybe that would be a start. I'm sorry you lost your grandma. If you got a therapist, maybe he/she could talk to your mom and try to get her to understand.

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So Sorry for everything that you're going through and So Sorry for your Loss! i think it is generally hard to cope with Loss especially if he/she is a Loved One. it must not be easy to deal with this and with relatvies whom are struggling themselves also. i agree with the wise and wonderful Maven about trying to see a therapist if you aren't already doing that. Try to explain your mom that you eating disorder is making things difficult for you. Please do not give up. Hugs. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @snakeswithhats, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I don’t have a therapist but that’s what I’m trying to figure out, if I can get one without permission from my mom. I don’t think she’d outright refuse but she’s horrible with mental health. She only offered me a medical doctor before, and with her responses to other people’s issues, I doubt she’ll think I need a therapist.