Doing shadow work: What I am finding out

A lot of the parallels between my birth family and my interpersonal relationships have given me a lot of insight into my patterns, and what I need to do to break those patterns, so that I can attract healthier people into my life. Easier said than done obviously.

Every psych-esque person has their own definition for shadow work. For me, it's confronting my triggers (i.e. my shadows) to get to the route of those beliefs (and who those beliefs came from and how they got transferred to me). No, I'm not a DID person. I'm talking about how our parents and siblings and relatives negative or toxic statements get embedded into our belief system and internal value system as children. We take on other people's projections of who they see us as, as how we should see ourselves (which is a lie b/c it's THEIR perspective, not our own).

Once I realized a lot of my negative self-talk is actually my brain repeating negative statements, criticisms, etc. that I received from my birth family and other relatives, yet not actually from myself, I became enraged at how easily I absorbed their negative statements into my own psyche as my own self-talk. How could I not see this happening when I was a kid?!

Now? As a middle aged adult, I have a TON of negative statements to analyze the core of to find out who put that statement inside my head so that I can get rid of it (since it's their perspective, not mine about myself). Then, I have to find a way to reprogram my brain with my own self-talk that is positive and more truthful, more accurate. Maybe this is what cognitive therapy is about.

I feel both empowered and enraged that I have to do this to get rid of a lot of toxic crap that I have carried around unknowingly thinking it was my own created negative self-talk, but I've been going around repeating other people's negative views of me to myself as if it's what I created and what I believe about myself all this time.

i think rejecting our own negative self-talk is no asy task but i think it is possible to work on ourselves overall. Acknowledging that you have internalized it may simply be the first major step. i Hope and Pray things will only get better from here. i think working with a therapist may prove to be beneficial to you. i also Hope and Pray things will improve with your own Family as well. Hugs. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Motts, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

No, rejecting negative self-talk requires tools and counseling. Years of counseling. The tools only work when you really acknowledge the trauma and have the epiphany needed, that can activate the cognitive therapy tools.

Both of me? What do you mean? There's just one of me. Ha!

You know MickeyCheeky I am offended by your post. You veiled a total insult about me in your post and I'm quite irritated by you.