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Default Apr 15, 2021 at 05:14 AM
  #21
My bedtime schedule has shifted. I have been falling asleep between 8:30 and 10 PM and waking up between 4 and 5 AM. This is a better schedule for my activities. I mostly just grocery shop and work around the house (though I have been teaching 1-3 online ESL classes a week). I start my online job grading student achievement tests on Monday. I am planning to work five hours a day M-F. Was given two different assignments so I have work until mid June. After that, I am hoping to increase the ESL classes I teach. I lost many students last year because I closed nearly all my slots during chemotherapy. I only taught one student because they kept making requests for classes. I still teach this student and have taught over 100 classes with that student. I am also waiting for my hair to grow a bit more and hopefully it will be there in mid June. I feel like having a good appearance in the ESL job is important. The company regularly requests (but doesn't penalize you if you don't) that their teachers upload videos showing samples of some our teaching moments and other things. I have done this before but stopped when chemotherapy altered my appearance. Still wearing hats to class......
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Default Apr 15, 2021 at 09:36 AM
  #22
I'm doing okay and got on with a few jobs I needed to.
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Default Apr 15, 2021 at 09:10 PM
  #23
I am reading the Codependent No More book, and it is helping me to simply disengage from the struggle that continues daily with h. If it is me, and I am not capable of being in this, why am I in it?

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Default Apr 15, 2021 at 09:22 PM
  #24
I've been too tired to know. I kept falling asleep today.

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Default Apr 15, 2021 at 09:50 PM
  #25
I've been sleeping off and on most of the day. I don't really feel well emotionally and the sleep is helping.

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Default Apr 16, 2021 at 02:47 AM
  #26
Coping well really. No great dramas or complaints, and so that can make for a manageable day. I lead a very simplified life now, though.

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Default Apr 17, 2021 at 05:40 AM
  #27
I'm tired. I guess it's time to go back to bed. I've been working on chores. I wish I was done. I'm not coping all that well.

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Default Apr 17, 2021 at 05:50 AM
  #28
I am coping by reading here at the forums & on the internet for answers to my questions.

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Default Apr 17, 2021 at 01:18 PM
  #29
Awfully.
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 12:58 AM
  #30
I'm not coping well. I can't sleep and I'm upset. My day was crappy and I don't see tomorrow being much better. My cat is crying. It's the middle of the night and I just want to go to bed.

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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 02:32 AM
  #31
Made it through yesterday and the night somehow...
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 02:59 AM
  #32
As I begin this day I seem to be coping ok.

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Ribbon Apr 18, 2021 at 03:02 AM
  #33
Love our cats but I am also allergic to them. One or two tend to crawl up on my bed at night, while I am asleep. Washing the covers helps but with all the rain we are getting, I have to take it easy with how much I use the dishwasher, washer, tub and shower (we are on a septic). My allergies are the worst when I do extra cleaning and dusting like I did Friday.
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Attention Apr 18, 2021 at 04:22 AM
  #34
i'm not really... just been h**l lately. i was going to post a new thread in here about something that happened the other day ---- then i spent over an hour debating if i was actually going to, part of me thinking its stupid/who cares..... and now, i won't.
i mean - dam. i knew i was already 'out on an island' but that feels an 'H' of a lot more terrible & lonely
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 07:26 AM
  #35
I’m going to clean and dispose of the clutter in the house. I’m going to paint and replace the carpet and the furniture that needs to get thrown out. I had planned to move from here and not replace furniture, but that’s not happening. None of the plans I wanted for myself are going to be happening. I’m not going to make them happen. I’m going to resign myself to what I already have and make it comfortable and refreshed. I need to have a blank page and good attitude.

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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 01:30 PM
  #36
I decided to read my favorite author Nora Roberts Angel Falls to escape all of my bad emotions and problems.
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 03:26 PM
  #37
I tried to take a break from here because my emotions and thinking were out of control. I don't know that I've ever felt this afraid or negative before. I didn't want to cause anyone any problems, so I stepped away to try to deal with things. That didn't work. Things got worse. I'll try to control myself so as not to be too much.

Today, things are a little better and a little worse. I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but does feel accurate. I'm trying to do my best for my pups, because that takes my focus off me. I'm really scared and unsure how to get better, and maybe I can't. Sorry to be so much trouble. Thanks to everyone.
 
 
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 03:32 PM
  #38
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Originally Posted by jrae View Post
i'm not really... just been h**l lately. i was going to post a new thread in here about something that happened the other day ---- then i spent over an hour debating if i was actually going to, part of me thinking its stupid/who cares..... and now, i won't.
i mean - dam. i knew i was already 'out on an island' but that feels an 'H' of a lot more terrible & lonely
I'm sorry that you struggling and having a bad time right now. In that you are not alone. I wish you well.
 
 
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 05:05 PM
  #39
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Please give your pups hugs for me, ok?

Thank you friend. My pups have kept me going this last week or 2. I gave them many hugs for you. They send hugs back to you.
 
 
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Default Apr 18, 2021 at 07:10 PM
  #40
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Originally Posted by AgentQ9A View Post
I tried to take a break from here because my emotions and thinking were out of control. I don't know that I've ever felt this afraid or negative before. I didn't want to cause anyone any problems, so I stepped away to try to deal with things. That didn't work. Things got worse. I'll try to control myself so as not to be too much.

Today, things are a little better and a little worse. I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but does feel accurate. I'm trying to do my best for my pups, because that takes my focus off me. I'm really scared and unsure how to get better, and maybe I can't. Sorry to be so much trouble. Thanks to everyone.
You are NO trouble!! At least not fo me!

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