How are you coping today? #4

My mom has also spoken for me my whole life. When I am asked a question she jumps in and answers it for me. She still does it. So I wonder if that is part of my issue. I also didn’t start talking until I was 4 and then after I started talking I was really shy and I’d often ignore teachers and my aunts and uncles but I’d be comfortable around my mom, dad, sister, and brother and a few friends and my some of my cousins. I’d often be quite silly and goofy and energetic around safe people. Now I just ignore everyone except my mom and whatever therapist I’m working with at the time. Even my brother who lives with me I don’t talk to. If someone asks me something I’m ok answering. But I can’t hold up a conversation at all in real life. I often wonder if there’s something neurologically wrong with me since it’s gotten so much worse. I think the only things I said to family at our vacation was “good.” And “I’m fine” I did talk to the 3 and 5 year old a bit when no one was around and they were asking me stuff. I also asked my aunt where the water was. People think I come off as being rude when I am often physically (at least it feels that way) unable to talk.

It my birthday today it could have been better. But something tells me I should stay home today anyway had my niece didn’t get Covid.

Happy Birthday, Buffy! Sorry to be so late. I hope your niece will be ok.

I took a Klonopin and I'm drinking iced coffee. That's how I'm coping. Later I will do a meditation.

I coped well. I wasn’t productive but I wasn’t moody either and I kept my anxiety to myself. I didn’t worry too much about anything. I didn’t even think about that weird spot on me. I’ve had socks on for 2 days. So it’s been kinda out of sight out of mind. Although I guess I should check on it.

I have been coping pretty good.

I'm trying to tame the anger I have felt towards life and certain people in it.

You say this so beautifully. You are a poet. Thank you! I hope all that you are looking for comes true!

I am happy overall.

So far this morning I have been listening to beautiful music & playing games.

I am feeling depressed.

today, in the UK, is freedom day (basically a lifting of any lockdown restrictions that still remain)
so now: not only can I no longer use lockdown as a safety net, but I'm sat here thinking.. where the **** is my freedom?. everyone has some, but what about
mine?

my life really does suck- specially when you get to days like today and realise how little you had before as well as now..

I’m trying today but it’s hard. I got a therapy session set up for tomorrow morning. I plan on telling her everything. I’m not sure how she’ll react since this is only our second session. I keep getting these intrusive bad memories and I’m not sure why. I thought I was ok with my past. But lately I’ve been having these starring spells because I’m remembering something that happened in 2007 or something and then I have to claw myself back to the right now. It’s been happening a lot. But today I’m just trying to survive. I haven’t watched the news in several days because I don’t want to know how bad things are in the world.

I have my slider open and it's cool out. So I am trying to relax. I had a back procedure done today. I have some discomfort so it's important that I relax. I may watch Hulu for a while.

I am coping better than I was before, but still feeling like I'm having to make everything go back to normal after the chaos I have been through recently.

I messaged three of my friends this morning. So that feels good. And I posted in my online therapy room. I feel like I'm getting good socialization.

Freedom day was some stupid name made up (by either government or right wing press) honestly it's such a load of nonsense and you aren't alone. Many people are feeling more imprisoned than ever.

Take care of you and do something nice for yourself, a favourite tv show or film maybe. Hang on in there.

I been feet really down again.

Today it’s been more physical then mental health. Although there were a lot of mental health things to be anxious about. I thought I was getting a cold this morning. But then it was ok after I woke up. Now I’m just tired and a bit washed out but it looks like I have another UTI. So that’s probably why I feel crappy physically. I just can’t seem to get these under control. I’m trying to keep it hidden from my mom so I hope she doesn’t notice the frequent bathroom trips I’ve been making all day. She’s in the bathroom now and I hope she doesn’t see the positive test I just did thats in the garbage.

My therapist just says I have Health anxiety. Yeah I know I do. Although I’m also worried I have some kind of treatment resistance UTI. But I see two doctors on Wednesday and Thursday who I hope will do exams and lab work.

Felt just fine this morning, but after a chat about blame with my therapist I felt extremely triggered. It's so good to talk about but I just am so not used to dealing with my hard emotions.

I'm coping by playing games and drinking iced coffee.