How are you coping today? #4

I'm anxious this morning. I'm not coping well. I'm just waiting for my mom to pick me up. I think I will be fine once she gets here. We're going to the food bank.

Hope it went okay!

Okay, I was edgy with pain this morning (which may be because I’m trying to cut out my evening dose) but much better once I got moving thankfully.

This morning we got chatting to a friendly woman with 2 lovely dogs and spent a long time throwing the spaniel’s ball for him which he just loved. My husband said it had really cheered him up and it did me too, animals are a real blessing.

Right now I’m baking some apples in the oven for pudding tonight. It smells nice.

I did good today. Today was the first day my moods were calm the entire day and I also felt fine physically all day and not tired. It’s been a long time since I’ve been stable both physically and mentally. I guess I’ve finally adjusted to not having the meds in my system. But I don’t know what next Saturday will look like when I go back on the lower dose. And I’m kinda worried my 2 blood levels will still be high. I need to be on this med for the rest of my life though since I’ve already had surgery. If I’m not on it I risk causing long term health issues to my body. So I’m not sure what will happen if the levels are still high. But luckily I have a great doctor who can figure this stuff out.

Allowing myself to be in the moment and doing what feels right and necessary at the time. Not putting too much pressure on myself to get anything done. Allowing myself to change my mind, and then change it again if I need to.

It’s cold and wet here and it’s flared my pain up but I’m coping with a heat pack, it feels blissful.

I’ve kept busy all day and now I’m going to read a little while before watching some TV.

I'm coping well. I did EFT Tapping twice on Forgiveness before going to see my brother. I got to see my sister and mom, which was nice. I felt fine around my brother. I was okay until they mentioned a childhood incident. I kind of just had to say okay and then move on. My brother always remembers the worst. I'm human and I'm an adult now. That's what matters.

I feel fine at least I’m telling myself that and I’ve just been hanging low all day. Although Facebook is pissing me off a bit more then usual and there’s this old teacher of mine who was freaking out and claiming that she’s not a racist (which isn’t true she’s made derogatory comments before) and another teacher at that same school then replied that she’s not racist and that they loved all their students whatever color they were. Yet this teacher sent me a transphobic PM when I announced my transition last year and it just pisses me off. I wanted to call him out on it and say “but you think being transphobic is cool according to the PM you sent me last year?” but I just tried letting it go. So I watched 2 episodes of Project Runway which worked great for distraction until I turned it off then all the feelings came back and my mom thinks something is wrong and I don’t know if it’s just normal feelings or if it’s med related or if his comment pissed me off that badly. Like do Jesus freaks just not understand they are being hypocrites? I truly don’t get it. Political posts don’t usually get me going this much so I think there could be other issues going on med wise maybe. I don’t know really. I don’t feel like confronting this teacher because of the other people who were responding to the post as well. They were in defense of the teacher, the original poster who was screaming she wasn’t a racist and I would have stuck out as the odd one and it could have gotten bad. I’ve thought of sending him a PM but at the same time I’m trying just to let it go.

And the whole med thing makes me upset too. Because transphobes say these chemicals that trans people put into your body are harmful. And it sounds like just a lot of BS hate they are spewing from their mouths and they have no idea what they are talking about. But I am actually having issues with the meds causing harm to my body and it’s just been confusing and like the bigots have won or something. I don’t know. It’s just a thought in the back of my head that’s been bugging me a lot.

Taking it slow & easy.

I was finding Facebook quite irritating and in the end I got a new phone and didn’t install the app. I do use Facebook for some functional groups so keep the app on my old device where I check only once a week. I can honestly say it’s helped me because I used to check Facebook out of habit.

I’m coping well today, the volunteer group this afternoon went well although a lot to process from that.

I'm doing okay today. I went for a drive and I did some EFT Tapping on anxiety. I was really anxious this morning. I found a CBT book to listen to on Audible.com. So I will do that today and play my games.

Not well. I have new neighbors below me. They've been here 4 days and have already complained about my dogs to me and to the management. I talked to the manager and they seem to recognize that noise is part of apartment living, unless it's constant. My one dog will occasionally bark when I'm gone to run errands, but otherwise they never make noise. The meeting was cordial and productive.

I told the manager that I'll try to put the dog in the bathroom, which feels like punishment, but maybe it will help. I also told them if that didn't work I would have to give the dogs away. I won't do that. If it comes to that, I'm just going to opt out of life. Maybe allow everyone to rationalize that to themselves. "Yeah, I complained about someone and they took their own life." There will probably be some pride in their voice when they tell that story to friends and family. "High five! I'm awesome!"

Edit: I'm much calmer now. I have probably blown it all out of proportion, and the manager didn't seem too concerned about it. Low self esteem I guess. Playing into being a victim of life. [Deep breath]

I feel better after getting a new phone and getting a samsung this time. I feel less worried now about the cloud and stuff showing up on my moms google history since she didn't get a samsung or an apple. I also feel less concerned about goverement watch lists and the FBI coming after me even though all my google history was just SpongBob gifs. I traded in my iphone but I saw the guy wipe it clean in front of me.

I'm afraid to go get groceries. Afraid to leave the apartment at all.

I'm coping by staying busy. I started going through bins and donating stuff. I'll do that off and on today and tomorrow. I will cook later. I find that soothing. And I will play my game.

Not feeling well today - all my different physical symptoms flared up which meant I wasn’t able to visit my parents after work, I went to bed and slept.

I did manage to cook tonight and made our favourite baked apples - I find cooking relaxing too.

Take care everyone and hang on in there.

I've been feeling sad and I've had agoraphobia all day and right now I dont have a clue what would help me. Its only 3 and I've taken all my meds already. So its not a med issue. I just feel really sad.

1. Pacing myself - allowing myself to rest intermittently
2. Thinking of all the safe things within my reach
3. Self-care
4. Distraction
5. Socializing online and by phone

I packed poorly. Again. I brought one hoodie. The one I was wearing all day. and I brought my winter vest but I forgot my jacket. Which means I'll have to wear the same hoodie 3 days in a row because its like 30 degrees out and I cant wear just a t shirt and my vest. I find it gross rewearing something twice in a week let alone 3 days in a row. I almost forgot the vest too but I ran inside to get it. I mean I'm keeping my emotions in check but I'm just not really happy being here.