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Anonymous43372
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Default May 01, 2021 at 05:16 PM
  #1
I did not take the bait my antagonistic sibling texted to me via text message again. She has smear campaigned my name and reputation to our birth family members and to our extended family members. Today she baited me and this is how i responded:

Her: We can't overlap visiting mom at the nursing home so I will be by there this afternoon.
Me: I am visiting her now this morning. I think mom enjoys having visitors more than once a day.
Her: I was going to visit mom between son 1 and son 2's stuff. Let's keep this informational. FYI: you need to report to me when you visit mom.
Me: My texts are always informational only. Thank you.

As you can see from my sister's text messages, she tried to bait me to argue with her about her need to micromanage me visiting our mother. I could have argued with her via text, but arguing with a narcissist is futile. When a narcissist gaslights you, fighting back (trying to reason) is futile.

What I could have texted back to her but didn't: "Coming from someone who is a nurse, who has flouted the nursing home essential visitor protocol for the past year never signing in at the front desk, or reporting her temperature per the wall thermometer there, I find your text ironic. You choose to flout the rules as a nurse, yet you have the gall to try to micromanage ME?"

You get the idea. She has not followed the nursing home rules for the past year about 1) use the wall thermometer 2) sign in your name, who you visit, and include your temperature.

I know this, because I've skimmed the sign in logs out of curiosity and I never see her name on the dates she has claimed to visit our mom. If our mom were passed away, we would not communicate with each other. She is a toxic person to my well being. I have to monitor everything I text b/c I know she will try to use it against me somehow.
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Yaowen
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Default May 01, 2021 at 06:18 PM
  #2
Dear Motts,

Bravo. I think you did good. She seems like a terrible bully.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default May 01, 2021 at 07:53 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yaowen View Post
Dear Motts,

Bravo. I think you did good. She seems like a terrible bully.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
Thanks Yaowen. She is a terrible bully. I texted her just now to ask her to call me so that we can discuss our communication boundaries with each other around our mother's care.

If she calls me, I will just focus on the facts - the content of her text messages - and assert my boundaries that way.

Advice articles would argue that requesting communication from a narcissist/bully is futile (and my text request is, I think). So, I will be surprised if she calls me.

Right now she is stonewalling me i.e. no phone call or text response to my request. Aka the silent treatment.
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Default May 04, 2021 at 07:51 AM
  #4
I suspect she doesn’t go to mom when she says she does and that’s why her name isn’t in the books. And if you confront her why she isn’t seeing mom, she’d blame you like she is too scared of you or you make it hard for her to see mom. She sounds like a piece of work
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Default May 04, 2021 at 08:16 AM
  #5
i think you did well by not taking the bait. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about thinking you did good. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Motts, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default May 04, 2021 at 10:06 AM
  #6
Good for you for not bothering with her. Enjoy that feeling of peace you had the moment you did not have a surge of adrenaline from any confrontation you would have felt had you responded emotionally.

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Default May 04, 2021 at 10:24 AM
  #7
I think you did great!
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