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Default May 04, 2021 at 09:56 AM
  #1
I have been horribly indecisive about important life decisions. I feel angry at myself about that. I have ended up choosing to do nothing with each choice for change I wanted to make. That, in itself, is a choice. But I feel so bad about it. I didn’t act because I felt too much tug of resistance from my husband. Although he says he is willing to do what I want to do. He doesn’t want to do those things himself. So he undermines me in subtle ways. One example is; our whole marriage I wanted to move from where we live. He said we would when the time came. Now the time is here and he suddenly springs on me we can’t because of TAX reasons!

I feel I don’t have any right to steer the ship and do what I want to do because I didn’t earn our living, was a homemaker. I have no reason to move other than I want to have a new experience somewhere else. But, also, now I could move to be closer to all my kids who are in another state.

Now it looks like we’re staying put here. It’s a nice place. I have no right to complain tbh.

There’s something in me that made me feel like I always wanted to move away from where I was from, and stuck there due to others. Maybe I’m just a malcontent person with everything. I probably won’t be happy anywhere or with anyone. It’s part of a disorder? It could also be learned from my mother always being unhappy with where we lived and wanting to move. But when I would tell her let’s move then, she’d say no. Did she just want to be discontent? Was she scared to take a chance?

Everything feels like a tug-o-war. I don’t tug. I let go of the ropes and just give up. When someone gives me resistance, I don’t want it anymore. It’s only enjoyable if everyone’s on board with a good attitude about something, whatever it is.

Learned helplessness. Is that what this is? Why do I even bother entertaining the thought of waiting to make changes and steer the direction of my life, if I’m only going to be met with resistance and give up?

I keep trying to tell myself to do nothing, say nothing, keep your head down and don’t make waves, don’t fight, be sweet and quiet and all will go better for me. Yuck! Boo me! Plus, I can’t be quiet and sweet and just go along even if I try, lol.

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Default May 04, 2021 at 10:41 AM
  #2
So Sorry about your struggles! Please do not give up! i can relate a bit in that i also have difficulty making important decisions in my Life even when it should be necessary. Unfortunately i don't think it is that easy. In your case a decisione made by you may potentially have effect on other people's Lives, your Family, so i think it is normal that you'd be hesitant. That said, i think your needs and desires are still valid in that you have every right to have them and even to pursue them as long as you don't hurt anybody in the process. Perhaps give it some serious thoughts and talk about it with other people you trust as well, be it your Husband or others. Do be kind to yourself. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @TishaBuv, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default May 04, 2021 at 11:03 AM
  #3
Keeping head down, being sweet and not making waves sounds like awful way to live. No offense to very traditional wives but this 2021, not 1721. The heck with keeping head down

Get real estate agent to show you few things virtually or in person, then do some calculations and see if your husband agrees. My husband is very agreeable but he was very apprehensive about moving, to be precise his OCD flares up at a thought of moving. I found the place I liked and started ball rolling, seeing how excited I was he is on board now so we are buying property I liked, he likes it now too.

Sure you can’t buy property without him being on board but you can start ball rolling like meeting with an agent and do online search.

Now I understand it’s not about buying a house but more about decision making. What if you don’t make decisions but make some steps towards a decision. Look up things. Then call a place. Then calculate etc You might not make final decision but you’ll take some steps
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Default May 04, 2021 at 12:22 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Keeping head down, being sweet and not making waves sounds like awful way to live. No offense to very traditional wives but this 2021, not 1721. The heck with keeping head down
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post

Get real estate agent to show you few things virtually or in person, then do some calculations and see if your husband agrees. My husband is very agreeable but he was very apprehensive about moving, to be precise his OCD flares up at a thought of moving. I found the place I liked and started ball rolling, seeing how excited I was he is on board now so we are buying property I liked, he likes it now too.

Sure you can’t buy property without him being on board but you can start ball rolling like meeting with an agent and do online search.

Now I understand it’s not about buying a house but more about decision making. What if you don’t make decisions but make some steps towards a decision. Look up things. Then call a place. Then calculate etc You might not make final decision but you’ll take some steps
I can always count on you to say something like this and make me laugh!

I once asked my h’s mom her secret to the long, happy marriage and she said she did everything he wanted.

There were plenty of decisions I had no hesitation to do. I have treated myself right when it came down to it. Have you ever seen the movie Defending Your Life? I love the scene where he spends his last dime to upgrade to first class!

I just have too much tug in several directions with this living situation. I’m extremely neurotic, and feel like who am I to demand what I think I want when he doesn’t want the same.

I’m glad you found a place you like. Another part of my hesitation is I look at listings for buy or rent and everything costs much more than what we have and isn’t half as nice. This has been the case for 25 years! We bought a house we thought we would eventually upgrade, then never did because everything was just much more expensive and not much nicer. If I could only pick up this house and place it down in another location...that would be great!

There was a nice home I thought I found where we want to go, seemed too good to be true. Then the agent disclosed to me it’s just over a train station and the train honks the horn every several minutes all day and night and you hear it!

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Default May 04, 2021 at 02:52 PM
  #5
Ever thought about just asking if you could rent a house for one month each year (like an AirB&B home?). I do agree with your H in this way--I think our economy is in a whole lot of turmoil and transition underneath the surface. It is a good time to be conservative in regards to big ticket items. Anything could happen--prices could keep going up quickly (so you can sell now and make good money but then if you have to sell before buying then perhaps there won't be anything to buy right now in the new market) or if the inflation gets so out of control eventually that they have to raise interest rates--housing prices could eventually crash (not short term IMO but if you are saving money then perhaps it could give you the possibility of buying a 2nd home where your son is). After the 2008/9 housing crash, there were nice places in Las Vegas, NV that could be bought for $10,000--boy, did people who bought then make some good $. The safest way to buy an asset is to buy when it is low. Yes, perhaps nothing will ever get low again but you never know. Deflation IS one of the possibilities in todays crazy economy--IMO, this is why our government is spending so much money right now. I hope you can find a compromise that will make both you and your H happy.
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Default May 04, 2021 at 03:03 PM
  #6
Where I am at everything nice sells quick lately, sometimes 3 days quick. Mortgage rates are low. I am in Midwest so it’s not like highly desirable areas but its very busy where we are and people do move around quite a bit. We don’t like yard work or any outside work so condos townhome styles are our first choice. Don’t want to deal with houses

Your in laws got it backwards. The key to good marriage is to keep wife happy hahah
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Default May 04, 2021 at 03:05 PM
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Ever thought about just asking if you could rent a house for one month each year (like an AirB&B home?). I do agree with your H in this way--I think our economy is in a whole lot of turmoil and transition underneath the surface. It is a good time to be conservative in regards to big ticket items. Anything could happen--prices could keep going up quickly (so you can sell now and make good money but then if you have to sell before buying then perhaps there won't be anything to buy right now in the new market) or if the inflation gets so out of control eventually that they have to raise interest rates--housing prices could eventually crash (not short term IMO but if you are saving money then perhaps it could give you the possibility of buying a 2nd home where your son is). After the 2008/9 housing crash, there were nice places in Las Vegas, NV that could be bought for $10,000--boy, did people who bought then make some good $. The safest way to buy an asset is to buy when it is low. Yes, perhaps nothing will ever get low again but you never know. Deflation IS one of the possibilities in todays crazy economy--IMO, this is why our government is spending so much money right now. I hope you can find a compromise that will make both you and your H happy.
Houses for 10k? I’ve never heard such a thing. Chicken coup maybe
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Default May 04, 2021 at 03:07 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
[B]

I can always count on you to say something like this and make me laugh!

I once asked my h’s mom her secret to the long, happy marriage and she said she did everything he wanted.

There were plenty of decisions I had no hesitation to do. I have treated myself right when it came down to it. Have you ever seen the movie Defending Your Life? I love the scene where he spends his last dime to upgrade to first class!

I just have too much tug in several directions with this living situation. I’m extremely neurotic, and feel like who am I to demand what I think I want when he doesn’t want the same.

I’m glad you found a place you like. Another part of my hesitation is I look at listings for buy or rent and everything costs much more than what we have and isn’t half as nice. This has been the case for 25 years! We bought a house we thought we would eventually upgrade, then never did because everything was just much more expensive and not much nicer. If I could only pick up this house and place it down in another location...that would be great!

There was a nice home I thought I found where we want to go, seemed too good to be true. Then the agent disclosed to me it’s just over a train station and the train honks the horn every several minutes all day and night and you hear it!
Honking trains! I used to live by an airport AND railroad, it was small local one and small train station but you could always hear it. Either plane landing or train honking hahah You get used to it eventually
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Default May 04, 2021 at 03:11 PM
  #9
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Houses for 10k? I’ve never heard such a thing. Chicken coup maybe
They were not large or brand new houses but they were decent and in a decent part of town--a member of my family was living in Vegas at the time. Vegas is a very cyclical housing market--totally dependent on tourists and many strip workers had bought houses when you didn't have to prove you had a solid job....
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Default May 04, 2021 at 06:27 PM
  #10
I want to toss into this discussion that being an at-home mom is the most demanding, noble job anyone can do. I, too was one, and I have also worked (after my kids were grown). Working is much easier...I could leave when I left, I wasn't up nights, and I got paid. Plus I had a lot of other people to help me do the work.


That at-home moms are not celebrated in our society and given financial freedom (credit, etc.) is sickening.

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Default May 04, 2021 at 06:47 PM
  #11
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I want to toss into this discussion that being an at-home mom is the most demanding, noble job anyone can do. I, too was one, and I have also worked (after my kids were grown). Working is much easier...I could leave when I left, I wasn't up nights, and I got paid. Plus I had a lot of other people to help me do the work.


That at-home moms are not celebrated in our society and given financial freedom (credit, etc.) is sickening.
Becoming a mom was a decision I made without a doubt!

I think we should stay where we live unless we find another place better. I very much want to be near the kids, though, who will all be living in the same place in another state from us now. I’m not so sure any of them feel so keen on that though.

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Default May 04, 2021 at 06:51 PM
  #12
It goes to show that if a parent isn't happy, the child is more likely to be unhappy. In this case, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I think it would help to discuss this with a therapist or someone you trust if you can asap.
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Default May 04, 2021 at 09:15 PM
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It goes to show that if a parent isn't happy, the child is more likely to be unhappy. In this case, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I think it would help to discuss this with a therapist or someone you trust if you can asap.
You’re right. I took on some good and bad qualities from my role models, and I’m sure my kids also have modeled my behaviors; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m trying my best to improve my bad behaviors.

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Default May 06, 2021 at 02:56 PM
  #14
I’m finally at the crossroad where I can move on. I want to try to move forward with him, if we can put the relationship on healthy ground. It’s as simple as moving what we want to keep from here to there tbh. We go around in circles in directions and indecision. He keeps throwing in a monkey wrench because he doesn’t want the same thing I do, so he takes the wind out of my sails to take me down. I proposed a plan today, he said no, let’s do it another way. I got frustrated at the tug and resistance. I said ‘forget it, I’ll do nothing’, got upset, angry, said I didn’t want to continue this relationship it’s too hard, ‘why’d you have to struggle?’. He started yelling at me for showing him listings that were furnished or were unfurnished and confusing him. I asked, ‘What did that have to do with anything? I was just giving you ideas, not acting on anything.’ He told me that I “don’t get along with anyone” He said that just to hurt me and it’s not even true. He said it because it hurt me very much that a psychiatrist once said to me, “You probably never would have gotten along with anybody”. He said it to me because I got diagnosed with an emotional disorder and he said it go kick me and hurt me with those words, to lash out at me in anger and take me down. It worked. I am down. I am defeated about doing anything, feel small and helpless, feel totally insecure about myself and any ability to live by myself or with anyone else. He kicked me with those words and he did it intentionally. Whose side is he on? Surely not on mine. I told him this relationship is not healthy for me and I don’t want to do it anymore. It’s not healthy. It’s been 25 years unhealthy. I get along with many people…just not HIM. What kind of enemy uses words that hurt you against you just to hurt you and then claims they love you? I don’t think much of him and am tired of crying over this train wreck of a marriage.

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Default May 06, 2021 at 05:20 PM
  #15
I am so very sorry and perplexed with the scenario. I am astonished with what women put up with. Well not just women, men too. Yelling at you for showing him listings. The what...Yelling is only acceptable when it’s “get out! house is on fire”. Why are you defeated? He holds extravagant amount of power over you.

If you aren’t independent you can start now. Your kids are grown. You can get a job and he’ll pay spousal support to supplement your income and you’ll have half of whatever he put for a retirement. You’ll be fine. You sure don’t need him. Sorry but no one would be yelling at me. This is not acceptable
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Default May 06, 2021 at 06:27 PM
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I am so very sorry and perplexed with the scenario. I am astonished with what women put up with. Well not just women, men too. Yelling at you for showing him listings. The what...Yelling is only acceptable when it’s “get out! house is on fire”. Why are you defeated? He holds extravagant amount of power over you.

If you aren’t independent you can start now. Your kids are grown. You can get a job and he’ll pay spousal support to supplement your income and you’ll have half of whatever he put for a retirement. You’ll be fine. You sure don’t need him. Sorry but no one would be yelling at me. This is not acceptable
I need to find the strength to go back to the lawyer and go through with the divorce this time.

I had a very unhappy, traumatic experience throughout this marriage. I have to cope with the aftermath of that trauma whether or not I move forward with or without him. I wanted to move forward with him and repair our relationship. He has the ability to act ‘right’ in a last ditch effort just long enough to get me to say we can stay together, then he’s right back to neglect, stress, incompatibility, nervous struggle, selfishness, laziness…all the bad things (much of them I can tolerate). This is the dance. It is what it is. He hurts me then apologizes. He promises to ‘get’ me and never do it again, then he does it again and pretends he has no clue. It’s emotional abuse. And yes, I have given him extreme power over me. I am obsessed with this working. I am terrified to leave. I think I am worthless alone Why did I let this stupid notion poison my brain?

It’s not even fear of no money at this point. I’ll be alright. I need someone to help me go to the lawyer and coach me through this. Is there such a person? A life coach?

Would you believe even my last psychiatrist told me to not divorce him?! He put me down like I am nothing and my big shot husband is everything. I am intimidated that he was successful and important and I was a drop-out, who was happy to be a homemaker and did it with love and to the best of my ability. I never did one negative behavior that anyone diagnosed with a disorder has done as a problem; like gambling etc…! I got diagnosed because I am so unhappy with him I can’t stop crying!

Thanks, Divine, I’m going to try to give myself the credit I deserve.

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Default May 06, 2021 at 06:48 PM
  #17
Nothing wrong with being a homemaker. But now when kids are grown you can be something else. A new life. You could stay married but you can still reclaim your life. Maybe if you got out of the house for 8 hours or maybe even 4 hours and had to worry about work task completion, there would be less time or energy to worry about your husband. Just a suggestion of course
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Default May 06, 2021 at 07:24 PM
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Nothing wrong with being a homemaker. But now when kids are grown you can be something else. A new life. You could stay married but you can still reclaim your life. Maybe if you got out of the house for 8 hours or maybe even 4 hours and had to worry about work task completion, there would be less time or energy to worry about your husband. Just a suggestion of course
That’s what I was hoping to try to do after the pandemic. But, it’s non stop dysfunction bringing me down.

At first when he came back in tonight, he denied what he said. I asked him to please stop gaslighting me.

Now he is saying he has no idea how we went from getting along this morning to the break up of a marriage. He can’t take any responsibility for anything he did or said!

It just sucks.

Then I always end up going back on myself and back down from ending it, saying I want to try to make it work. It never works. I will probably do it again. “Insanity is doing the same behavior and expecting different results.”

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Default May 06, 2021 at 08:28 PM
  #19
You two might just need some space. If you both don’t work and home all the time, it might be too much even for the happiest of couples.
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Default May 06, 2021 at 09:19 PM
  #20
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What kind of enemy uses words that hurt you against you just to hurt you and then claims they love you?

A lot of people do that.

Obviously, people who know us well, and who we have been intimate with will have the best weapon to do so.

I've experienced it plenty myself.

I got some of the cPTSD from it. The triggers and stuff.


Anyway just saying.



I do think divine1966's suggestion makes sense, based on that. More space. Go do some work that you always wanted to do, have your own life, don't rely on him for your happiness. This lockdown is extreme stress for everyone, don't make decisions while under that extreme stress. If you still want to divorce him after the pandemic with more space and with your own life still not being enough, do so then. My two cents.
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