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mssweatypalms
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#41
I agree with all of you. I've been here for a short time and I'm from another part of the world, but it makes me feel like I'm not alone anymore. I stopped talking to my friends about my concerns, because it just makes me feel worse. I love them but they don't understand me. Facebook, on the other hand, makes me feel angry because of all the ridiculous things happening in my country. I find comfort in reading and posting here.
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#42
I kinda feel like an old guy whose had a ham radio set since he was a kid, only the ham radio is psychology. So - not random, and not a provider, but ive spent a lot of time on this signal.
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#43
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#44
Yes, in addition to others making helpful comments regarding health improvement, the feeling of friendship is healing as well.
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#45
Better late than ever in replying to this post ( I just found it)
Studies prove that platforms like FB cause people to become Depressed. It is the comparing oneself to others that leads to feelings of inadequacy. The best way to be happy is having actual positive experiences where you create memories. I don’t understand the need for people to constantly narrate their lives. It’s a little silly and egocentric. __________________ "Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." Vincent Van Gogh |
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#46
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__________________ "Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." Vincent Van Gogh |
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#47
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With regard to my gender identity issues, there's not much to say. As far back as I can remember I always secretly longed to be female. But I was "assigned male at birth", as the euphemism goes nowadays, and I've always struggled to live as male a life as I could manage. (Sadly, I mostly made a train wreak of it.) And now, at my advanced age, there's really nothing to be done about any of it. So it all just is what it is... or was what it was... as the case may be. There's really just not much more to say... which is, at least in part, why I so seldom post my own threads here on MSF; to bring this reply back around toward the original topic of the thread. But I do appreciate your kind offer. |
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#48
My sister (assigned male at birth) confided in me several years ago her tribulations growing up. It really made me think and helped make sense of her behavioral changes . She went down a path of self destruction, which I understand the reasons now. She was clean for a while but stuck in a constant loop of negative self talk. She basically drinks all of the time now and refuses to get help or go on an antidepressant. I tried everything I could think of to lift her spirits but she just disappeared. It hurts my heart because I feel helpless. She’s pretty anti social and hates electronic communication. She is brilliant and knows so much about so many topics. It’s been a year since I’ve heard from her. I miss her. We live far apart. She still goes to work. I just don’t understand why I was shut out.
Do you ever want to push people away.? Have you always been reclusive? I remember we chatted a couple of years ago and I think I tried to convince you to go out. __________________ "Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." Vincent Van Gogh |
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cinnamonstick
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#49
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Where in Cleveland where you born? The new trans friend I was helping has stopped communicating. I’m worried about her, but I don’t know if she wants space or if something happened. She actually lives in her car and I can’t locate her. I was looking for information for her. She’s a smart woman that has fallen on bad/hard times It’s so odd , I’ve always been one to reach out;, but know I’m wondering if I’m being sent a message to put my good intentions on pause. Thoughts oh wise one.? __________________ "Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." Vincent Van Gogh |
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#50
Well... I guess every trans person's experience is different. So I can only speak for myself. But my personal perspective is that, at least it used to be the case, being transgender forced a person to become skilled at being secretive as well as aloof. Plus there's a lot of depression and anxiety that tends to go along with it as you no doubt realize. (Hopefully this is changing now with the new openness that is developing around issues related to gender identity.)
In my case, over the years, I have pushed everyone away except my wife. And I even keep her pretty-much at arm's length so to speak most of the time. (It's complicated.) I feel lonely a lot which I suppose is at least part of the reason I spend so much time here on MSF. But, at the same time, I feel an overwhelming need to keep myself as far away from people in general as possible in real life. So I think I can understand what you wrote about both your sister as well as your friend. (I've often thought that, were it not for my wife, I would likely have become a homeless drunk.) Personally I doubt there's much you can do about either of the situations you describe other than to continue to be available should either of them reach out to you at some point. At least in my own case, the secretiveness and loneliness I feel has become so ingrained into my psyche that it's largely beyond my control at this point I believe. It has become who I am. (I'm not sure where in Cleveland my parents were living when I was born. The name Parma sticks in my head. At the time my parents lived there (the late 1940's) the area they were in was a new development I guess which is why I was able to fall into the basement of a new home that was under construction.) |
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#51
@cinnamonstick My son had a male friend he met in 6th grade. They became best friends with a few other boys throughout high school. During high school he came out as gay. They were all very supportive and remained best friends. After high school she began to transition. The guys were still supportive but she pulled away. There were physical and emotional changes with hormones and such. She was also finding herself in a new identity. It hasn’t been all positive for her as drugs and some unhealthy choices are what she is going through and that also had an impact on those friendships.
I had a best friend who also pulled away from me. Not having anything to do with gender but with drugs and bad choices she made and how I reminded her of those times she wanted to emotionally disconnect from. When people undergo big changes maybe they pull away because they feel different from who they were. I hope this comment is supportive and hasn’t offended. I hope you reconnect with those special to you one day. You sound like a loving person. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#52
That makes sense what both of you said.
I totally get the aloof now basically a mechanism for self preservation. And you reminded me about hormones, they can be so disruptive plus the complexity of brain chemistry changes. __________________ "Great things are done by a series of small things brought together." Vincent Van Gogh |
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#53
Are there Any particular days or times you feel more lonely?
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#54
I am blessed right now to have my two sons here with us, but I feel so lonely in a long-term marriage that is a struggle of incompatibility. . You can not be alone and be lonely.
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#55
Quote:
It certainly is true one can not be alone and still be lonely. (Back when MSF was still Psych Central, there used to be an article in the archives on the subject.) However in my particular case, to a large extent, I have only myself to blame. As Leonard Cohen wrote in his song: "Bird on the Wire": "like a beast with his horn... I have torn everyone who reached out for me." |
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#56
I'm happier as a loner. But I can't be alone anymore because of the voices. I miss my solitude so much. I yearn for it painfully. I was so happy with my many interests, which require solitude to enjoy. So many wonderful enjoyments have been taken away from me by the voices. I loved reading the classics & going back into time & using my imagination. I loved studying & learning. It was like "ooo ah!" all the time. I still get that a little bit by googling things & learning something new. The voices won't let me watch my DVDs, some of which I love very much. I have many, animated, nature, love stories, science fiction, spiritual, musicals,.... And my music! We don't listen to the CDs, etc. anymore. But some of of the voices sing & they let me google songs they like & we listen on my cell phone. So those are good moments.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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#57
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__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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#58
I'm waiting for the covid to be gone, then I plan to look for an experienced doctor who can help me. The medications depend on the person's own chemistry & can have many different side effects. I hope for finding the right drug. Please cross your fingers for me.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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#59
This thread helps. I just saw a picture of a high school crush on facebook (with a young wife) and im like, would my life really be better if he were here? It would be all, lets do this, lets go there, bring me a beer. No thanks. So i did some thred-up shopping, bought some small tops to turn into my size, of beautiful material.
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#60
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__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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