Abuse and forgetting

I went through 13 years of abuse by mental health professionals. There is no available legal or board actions. I tried for several years.
I also sustained years of abuse as a child.

All I hear is forgive them and move on with your life. Ok so I stated I forgive each and everyone.
I still have horrible flashbacks and memories which brings it all back. I have done EMDR, meditation and mindfulness. I have done hypnotherapy etc. nothing stops above. I have sleep problems because of the things and have been sleep deprived for 10+ years. I have been to sleep disorder clinics.

I am asking “step by step guide” on how to forgive people so I can at the age of 70 have a peaceful life? Any help is greatly appreciated.

I don't have a step by step guide to offer. Forgiveness is such a personal thing. These are just some suggestions that have worked for me. I want to stress that because you are forgiving yourself doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It is simply a way to relieve burdens in your heart.

Place one hand on your heart and say one (or all) of the following. You can repeat a statement over and over til you feel relief, or say it once and just feel. Notice what you feel without trying to force a feeling.

Customize statements that work best for you:

"I forgive myself for not being able to forgive".
"I forgive myself for carrying this anger".
"I forgive myself for being unable to sleep".
"I forgive myself for the flashbacks I am having".

Another suggestion is any time you are going thru mental anguish (or when you feel like a blessing) place a hand on your heart and make this simple statement:
"May I be blessed".

You could be surprised at the peace and relief you feel.
I wish you the best of luck and peace in your life.

I don't know the answer to your question, but as someone who has abuse follow her around for most of her life, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying- the sleep issues, the flashbacks, etc.

knowing that my own mother tried to



that's the most hurtful of all. what parent does that to a son or daughter

hugs and I hope you get answers. I would be interested in them as well

Thanks for sharing this.

I also had a very.... unsupportive.. mother. Although its much more complicated than that.

I have also experienced very sub optimal.... at best... therapy.

''I forgive myself for not being able to forgive''...

I mentioned forgiveness lately somewhere else and one reply said how ''forgiveness'' as a concept can be weaponized at times (or something similar to that). Some things.... would be ''difficult'' for many people to forgive

Good post. Thanks for sharing this!

i am afraid i don't have a step by step guide either. Try to do the best you can and remind yourself that it is not your fault any of this happened. Love. Be kind to yourself and others. Sorry if this post isn't really Helpful. i think a therapist might help but you've said you've already had bad experiences. i think focusing on the things you have in your Life right now and what you're Grateful for might be a start. i am Hoping the best for everyone. Stay Safe. Stay Strong. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @dancinglady, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I was abused as a child and as a spouse. I forgave all my abusers and am free to move forward now. I still talk to my parents who really screwed me in my mind and hurt me physically. I realized that as an adult one has the responsibility of taking care of oneself. If all you do is blame others for your mistakes or their abuse, you are not going to move forward with life. I realized also that because of my childhood abuse, I am attracted to abusive people. I am trying to deal with this even now.

I love my parents despite their abuse. They don't admit to abusing me in the past, but I realized they are as equally as screwed up from their childhood. Somewhere this has to stop. I decided not to have children and repeat the cycle. I thought I was in the pits for a while but realized it could have been worse for me. I could have had parents who were destitute and addicts or living in a country where there is no opportunity to leave such situations.

I am free and happy now. I am independent and always looking for ways to improve my situation. I am not young anymore so it took me some time to forgive and accept that my life is my responsibility.

I suffer from severe psychosis and mania at times and was really at the bottom again about four years ago, and my family gave me a roof over my head and food to recover. I am grateful towards them now. They could have thrown me out and told me to recover by myself. But, they did not. Sometimes even though people may be abusive in the past, they may have some good in them after all. I love my parents now for helping me in my time of need. Also, they helped me to stand on my feet again. Thus, I am working again and enjoying my freedom.

Overall, I am doing quite well in comparison to a few years ago. I don't take all of the credit for my recovery and am thankful to my family and doctor who told me to keep taking my medication. I was abused too but realized that I must go forward and deal with what I have and find what I need in life.

I say forgiving is the first step to recovery. And, for one to be free, one must take responsibility for one's life. I don't think if I kept blaming others for my pitiful life that I would be happy today.

I was abused by a treatment center from November 2009-January 2011. I also went to a bad hospital a few times during the summer of 2006 and twice in 2007. That’s why I don’t trust hospitals anymore. I haven’t had good experiences in them. It took a long time to get past this. I wish I had done stuff at the time. I feel like if I had spoken up to the correct people I would have gotten out of there immediately instead of staying for over a year.

I’ve had a couple unprofessional therapists but the worst was one I had from 2011-2015. She was mentally and emotionally abusive and every mental health professional since has gotten pissed at her and they say it was her fault what she did and I did nothing wrong.

I just had to give it time.

Maybe you can find a new trustworthy therapist?

I had one psychiatrist who asked me for sex. Well, I blocked this one out as long as I could. I understand how patients can be distrustful of health care professionals who abuse their power. There are some bad apples out there. I got over the jerk by not thinking about it for a long time. Also, I was raped in another country by another doctor when I was a teenager. I was given chloroform but remember the doctor feeling me out. Also, I tried to block this out too. As a result, I have never really trusted healthcare professionals totally. Some are real quacks and some are complete jerks.

I have been abused by all kinds of people. I am a survivor though. I do make bad decisions still sometimes because I have been abused. It never goes away completely. However, I learned to forgive to let the pain go. It helps but the memories never die.

I’m so sorry for all on this thread and what you had to endure.

I have pretty much fully recovered from what i felt as extreme emotional pain. It was not technically abuse, it was shocking lack of love, abandonment. It sent me reeling for the past few years.

I’ll share with you what worked for me: I went through the stages of grief. Then I tried to empathize with the offenders. I’m not suggesting it is possible for you to empathize, not knowing the degree of the abuse you endured, empathy may not be warranted at all. But doing my best to look at it from their POV, and thinking about the circumstances that caused them to abandon me, helped lift that consuming weight off me.

They certainly never acknowledged or apologized to me. So my only way to move forward was to ruminate on it and eventually reframe it, feeling sorry for them that they were so messed up themselves which is why they hurt me. It helped me feel better.

I wish you healing and peace.

My mom tried to kill me, too.
I was diagnosed CPTSD because of the abuse. It's possible you might be too but you need to ask a professional.