[Aviza]

I have written a monologue about my son's life and suicide. I told them it was true. They thought I needed to be sadder.

Honestly my feelings came out a wee little bit but honestly I'm blocked. I'm memorizing lines about my son and the character is me. I thought it would show I could cry but I'm doubting my ability to perform this monologue I created.

I wrote it in a minute and now shared it so I'd basically need permission to start over. As a singer I Express emotion through words and try hard not to cry while singing. Which is hard sometimes so I have to break this habit to show and Express emotions.

I was told to practice in front of a mirror. Advised to go back to when he died originally advised to watch mom's who lost a son. When he died, my reaction was out of character for me. I screamed, cried, the person who told me hung up on me was sick of hearing it. His foster mom told me.

I don't know how to express that in a minute monologue. When I'm talking about the kid he was and how shocking it was. Maybe talking is helping me.