I'm coping but not well

It sucks to never feel adequate. I constantly lift myself back up after failures of trying to better my life only to meet the same type of failures over and over again. I get one step forward and fall eight steps backward. I’ve only met one mental health professional who actually seemed to care about what I say and what I feel and help me with work issues but I can’t see her because she doesn’t take my insurance and I moved to a different state.

Everyone else just doesn’t listen to me they shove me in a box labeled BPD and ignore all other symptoms that aren’t related to BPD and they don’t help me treat them. I lose touch with reality and I’m told to use skills during these times even though I tell them it’s not possible I don’t even know who I am then. When I snap out of it I am embarrassed to have to ask what just happened.

I’m so lucky to have a husband who can see the real me and he is the only one who can see the suffering of my everyday life. He takes care of me and I’m so scared of losing him I know he wouldn’t leave me on purpose but if something happened to him I don’t know if I could go on. He sees how I’m treated in medical settings and education settings and it upsets him too, he can’t fix the broken system and he says he feels helpless watching everything unfold.

I’m losing the strength to keep fighting for myself and advocating for myself. I’m so tired of the stigma and discrimination. I’m so tired of having a mental illness.

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis

So Sorry for everything! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i think it's great you have a supportive Husband at least. please do not let nasty and judgemental comments take you down. You can be a good person. Do try your best like you're probably already doing. i hope things will improve really soon for everyone. Love. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @ThunderGoddess, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thank you Mickey I am so grateful for my husband somedays I feel like I only keep going for him. I just hope someday I can give back to him what he has given to me. I feel like a loser not being able to keep a job and I don't like not pulling my own weight. But you're right I can't give up I just have to find a way to get through it.

Just keep swimming
I have BPD or Autism or both, we may never know, the focus is always the symptoms, not the diagnosis