Paralyzed by Indecision

I've been going through ups and downs lately at work-- I called out on Wednesday because I was so tired I couldn't get out of bed, my head and throat hurt, I felt nauseous, I had chills... I highly doubt it's COVID, especially since I was fine the next day, but it worried me regardless. My attendance at work does not look great on paper, so this whole summer I've been coming in every workday and putting in overtime in order to make up for it, but if there was any day I needed to call out, it was Wednesday. I personally think it's because I am worn out from work; it's a highly stressful environment, and the hours are wearing me down. I work 3pm-11:30, and that's starting to get really rough. My shift has high turnover (no surprise), so they are resisting moving me to the morning shift. I'm half tempted to find a new job with morning hours instead. I like my job and the people I work with, but I feel somewhat used and they know this job is taking a toll on me. It's already wrecking my hearing. The thing is, I applied for different jobs (and got several interviews) all this summer, and I am the one who decided to stay at this company. I think the fear of change and initial discomfort that comes with starting a new job played a big part in my decision, as well as the age-old question, "What if it doesn't work out?" I signed a two-year contract with them, but I don't know how they can reprimand me if I break it. This isn't indentured servitude, it's not like I'm selling my soul or my first-born. I guess I just have a lot of thinking to do... all I know is that I can't keep this up much longer. I am very tired a lot of the time and very stressed, and I've been told I'm not the only one there who feels like that.

I’m sorry that you are so stressed out. Can you asked to take a vacation? Get into a doctor who can get you a therapist?

Hi Buffy01-- I don't see a therapist. My reason is that, for me, it's counter-productive; when I've seen therapists in the past (and I started seeing one when I was 12), they've given me a lot of coping tools and great insight, but I feel I just used the sessions as an excuse to vent and make excuses and not do anything for myself. There comes a point in your life when you have to deal with the demons on your own, and take responsibility for your actions. That and I've also worked with some pretty crappy therapists (especially in the eating disorders category). Anyway, things are a bit better now.