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Default Nov 11, 2021 at 04:24 PM
  #1
sometimes, it's so hard to release our anger at the people we want to for what ever reason, but it sucks keeping it all in

so why don't we release all that anger in this thread. post as if you're saying out loud what you want to say!

I will start

rose, you have no right to laugh at how I feel and tell me you don't care about my feelings, especially as you've spent the last few days being really unwell yourself. you wouldn't like it. get a grip.
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Default Nov 14, 2021 at 12:45 AM
  #2
I'm angry at so many people who betrayed me! I'm angry because I find it hard to be angry when I want to be, and then I wind up being angry at the wrong people or situations when don't want to be.

I'm angry about trauma-makers, trauma-starters, trauma-instigators. Trauma, trauma, trauma - is worse than drama, drama, drama!

My anger scares me sometimes. It's not who I want to be known for, nor is it something I want to feel.

I've been on the other end of anger, and that alone is traumatizing when physical harm is involved.

And that makes me angry. Being the victim of someone else's anger or hate makes me, in turn, become this angry person. I hate that. I want to wash all that off. I want it gone and away from me - far, far away!

It's hard to identify one singular event or person, because there were many.

And I'm angry about that, too.
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Default Nov 14, 2021 at 09:03 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by SprinkL3 View Post
I'm angry at so many people who betrayed me! I'm angry because I find it hard to be angry when I want to be, and then I wind up being angry at the wrong people or situations when don't want to be.

I'm angry about trauma-makers, trauma-starters, trauma-instigators. Trauma, trauma, trauma - is worse than drama, drama, drama!

My anger scares me sometimes. It's not who I want to be known for, nor is it something I want to feel.

I've been on the other end of anger, and that alone is traumatizing when physical harm is involved.

And that makes me angry. Being the victim of someone else's anger or hate makes me, in turn, become this angry person. I hate that. I want to wash all that off. I want it gone and away from me - far, far away!

It's hard to identify one singular event or person, because there were many.

And I'm angry about that, too.

trauma is a lot worse than drama. ain't that the truth!. at least drama eventually settles down or at least, it will move on to someone else, or something else... trauma you're stuck with

their are lots of events I can think of (mainly with my mom) that I now need to live with for the rest of my life.

now, because of what she did to me, she is not allowed to see me. (orders from the court)
I now don't have a mom, and it really really sucks
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Heart Nov 14, 2021 at 06:48 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
trauma is a lot worse than drama. ain't that the truth!. at least drama eventually settles down or at least, it will move on to someone else, or something else... trauma you're stuck with

their are lots of events I can think of (mainly with my mom) that I now need to live with for the rest of my life.

now, because of what she did to me, she is not allowed to see me. (orders from the court)
I now don't have a mom, and it really really sucks


I'm so sorry all that happened to you, raging vortex! That is so hard to deal with - esp. it being your mother who harmed and traumatized you.

Indeed, trauma is more painful and lasting than drama. There's a difference between traumatic stress and non-traumatic stress. And when there's repeated trauma from a person, that's called betrayal trauma as well as interpersonal trauma. Betrayal trauma and interpersonal trauma last much longer and are more difficult to treat than non-interpersonal traumas, such as natural disaster traumas. While both traumas are long-lasting, some people may not even see natural disasters as "traumatic."

When it comes to our mental health, how we experience trauma - whether it be from a person, place, or thing - is important to us and our overall well-being. It matters to us because we need support, treatment, and help in many areas of our life since such traumas tend to last a lifetime.

Anger processing, or what the trauma treatment center called "catharsis" or "cathartic" (I forgot which), is important. It's a release of righteous anger, righteous emotions over being hurt and experiencing secondary victimization through a lack of justice. Whereas some victims/survivors will receive some form of justice (e.g., acknowledgment from family court systems, criminal justice systems, and child welfare systems), others may have never been able to receive justice at all - whether they reported it or not, or whether they even received partial justice but not the full realm of justice that should be afforded to victims.

Our anger sometimes stem from systemic issues. Parental rights versus child rights include arguments on what is considered unlawful versus illegal versus lawful abuse, neglect, etc. The system is geared towards protecting the defendant, so victims of crimes (criminal) and unlawful (civil) acts are often left with lifelong hurt and pain that can never be resolved through mere incarceration (incapacitation theory in Criminal Justice and Criminology studies), deterrence policies (deterrence theory), court-sanctioned retribution (retribution theory), restorative justice policies (restorative justice theory), and/or rehabilitation for our abusers who are in prison or jail and/or who are paroled or on probation in lieu of jail (rehabilitation theory). No matter what forms of police powers and/or therapeutic jurisprudence there are in any court system (including special courts), the victims tend to lose - even if they "win" in a court of law. The victims have to deal with lifelong challenges, lowered SES and social standing, reputational loss, health loss, mental health loss, shortened lifespan, relational losses, sometimes career losses, and definitely identity losses.

It therefore is understandable that, given all of these traumatic losses AND secondary victimizations through not receiving true restorative justice for anyone, the victims of such heinous crimes are angry.

In theory, we're being protected and guarded by the powers that be. In reality, however, we're vulnerable - and even more so. According to victimology studies, once you're a victim of a crime (regardless if it is substantiated in a court of law or not), you are more at risk for becoming a victim of another crime in the future (and it doesn't have to be the same crime-based victimization; it could be a different kind). Victimology researchers are still trying to figure out the reasons behind this phenomenon, but in the meantime, we victims/survivors are hurt and therefore righteously angry.

For cathartic/legal/lawful anger, we can process this painful anger in many ways:

1. Through verbal expressions, like here.
2. Through artistic expressions like doing artwork or using psychodrama or some other dramatic demonstration legally and lawfully while peacefully protesting.
3. Through becoming an advocate for other victims as well as being a self-advocate of your own victimization. You can do this by spreading awareness, getting educating and then educating others, becoming a teacher/professor about such issues, and more.
4. Through becoming a legal/lawful protector, such as becoming a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL), becoming a victimologist, becoming a criminologist, becoming a researcher, becoming a law enforcement agent, etc.
5. Through becoming a legal/lawful healer, such as becoming a volunteer for crisis centers, becoming a counselor, becoming a psychologist, becoming a psychiatrist, becoming a forensic psychologist, becoming a medical doctor, becoming a pastoral counselor, etc.
6. Through peer-support systems like what you also did here, as well as by becoming a leader of community support groups for victims/survivors, etc.

Anger processed alone can be done so with the tools we have learned in therapy for our particular disorders.

Some anger processing can be done through CBT for Trauma by identifying our triggers, the situations that brought up those triggers, the memories attached to all of that, the displaced anger that might have been taken out (or maybe not), the righteous anger that has been displayed appropriately (i.e., lawfully) for self-preservation in certain circumstances, the walking-away anger so that you can process it with someone else in a safer space, etc. There is much you can do to take the CBT to your own personal level, with regards to righteous anger for trauma victims. Be creative, and use the intelligence within.

Anger can also be processed through some of the DBT skills for those who struggle with either personality disorders, mood disorders, and/or military traumas among veterans (many combat and MST survivors of traumatic military experiences have been given DBT as well, without having ever had a personality disorder on their jackets or in real life; so DBT isn't only for personality disorders, but also for those who struggle with emotion dysregulation). There are limitations to DBT, such as with the feeling that you are "subduing" your natural emotional process from being expressed, explored, and released in a safe space. For that, CBT might work better (I know CBT works better for me than DBT, especially given my brain fog). But if you struggle with emotion dysregulation, including anger displacement (meaning, you're displacing your anger on objects, places, people, or things that truly don't deserve the level of anger-based violence), or other related challenges, then DBT will help save you from future pain, sanctions, trouble, losses, consequences, etc.

The important thing that my therapist had told me was this:

1. Anger does NOT equal the behavior "violence."

Anger is an EMOTION! It's okay to have these emotions! You can express these emotions verbally using "I" statements with a therapist, a family member, a trusted friend, or the person you're angry with (so long as you are expressing how and why you, yourself, are angry). Using interpersonal skills here will be effective.

And here's some addition information that I picked up in all of my psych courses in college as well as my criminal justice courses in college:

2. Violence is a behavioral response to anger and is therefore a choice.

Whether your choice is impulsive (immediate) or well-planned (premeditated), its' still a choice you have power to control through therapy, through accountability systems, through using your wise mind, etc.

You can still be righteously angry without using behavioral responses like violence as a result of your anger.

Violence should only be used lawfully and legally when there is an imminent threat upon your life or livelihood that requires you to defend yourself and/or others (such as defending yourself or your children from a break-in).

There are different types of violence, such as physical violence, emotional violence (including non-verbal passive aggression), verbal violence (including both verbal passive aggression and verbal direct threats or statements), sexual violence (using verbal or physical means to sexually assault someone), structural violence (such as getting others to gang up on someone you hate, despise, etc.), and so forth. Some forms of violence are more lawful than others, such as verbal and emotional violence, though it may not be helpful to you as the victim with reasonable/rational/righteous anger to necessarily react even with lawful violence (such as verbal or emotional) - particularly because you may lose your job, your reputation, etc. (i.e., there are consequences attached).

Pay attention to the consequences of your actions after you experience the emotion anger.

3. Oftentimes, there are thoughts (cognitions) between the emotion anger and our reactions (behaviors) to the emotion anger. This is our cognition to our emotions. The cognition is where cognitive behavioral therapy or DBT will work to help us choose what action we will take in response to our emotion anger and our automatic thoughts from the emotion anger.

Our automatic thoughts might include things like "They're all out to get me!" or "I'm a bad person and will never be good enough."

Our automatic thoughts to a given triggering situation that brings about emotions like anger might spiral down to additional thoughts and/or impulses that might lead us toward violent behaviors. Again, breaking these things down in therapy, in therapeutic homework, in coping skills, in conversations online like here, in support groups, in supportive relationships will help save you from making behavioral choices that could cost you in the long run. It's the cognitive work that we do in-between that helps us to guide our decisions and therefore our behaviors.

There are better behavioral responses to violence when the victimization isn't imminent, or even when it is, such as being able to report, being a whistleblower and having laws protect you, being an advocate, etc. It is all dependent on the situation, however. Yes, you can use violence to defend yourself in certain situations. But in most situations, there are ways to avoid the consequences of using such violence.

So, the emotion anger can be expressed verbally, so long as it is lawful and legal to do so.

Additionally, the emotion anger is not "negative" in the sense that it should be deemed as "always negative" in nature, such as is the case with toxic positivity gurus (e.g., "always be positive"). Always being positive is NOT realistic when there are too many threats, dangers, triggers, losses, etc. that warrant other built-in emotions as well. Toxic positivity is inherently an anger-prone behavioral response in reality because it is passive-aggressive in nature. "Toxic positivity" is therefore an oxymoron since those who want to always be positive are exhibiting (passive-aggressive violent) control over those whom they deem as "not positive," which is a form of non-positive passive-aggression, possibly including gaslighting, which stems from their anger because not everyone is as positive as they want them to be.


Anger is a good emotional reaction when there are injustices and harms being done to us or others. Anger is allowed by all mammals. It's a built-in, natural response to threats, injustices, harms, and even certain perceptions (even if they aren't real). Anger gives us information, but we have the choice on how to react to that information. For animals, their choices differ from humans. But for humans, we have thought processes - or cognitions - that we can use to help us determine how to respond to situations that trigger our anger emotions.

Overall, anger is something that any female, trans, nonbinary, or male can experience. There shouldn't be this gender-role stereotype on how females should be less angry than males, for instance. My T took a feminist response to the guilt that some of my angry parts were feeling when trying to express the anger they felt. Our T helped my angry parts to open up and understand that, "Again, anger is an emotion, not a behavior." It's therefore not bad to express anger with "I feel angry because..." or "I feel angry when..." statements.

As my T said to me and my "angry parts" inside, "People often get anger confused with violence." Anger is an emotion; violence is a behavior and therefore a choice. The choice between the emotion and the behavior is where therapy helps. So it is okay to express anger through words, so long as we are using "I" statements that express but not direct the anger toward others through violent behaviors.



Be angry! Vent! Use "I feel..." statements to express your anger. Get support. Get validated. Get help! And know that our feelings are temporary. We will not be stuck in anger forever. We can learn to process our emotions as they come.

Last edited by SprinkL3; Nov 14, 2021 at 07:16 PM..
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Default Nov 14, 2021 at 07:38 PM
  #5
I’m angry that I got adopted by dysfunctional parents - I wasn’t expecting perfection but I needed better than the crapshow I got front row tickets to.
I’m grateful to mum for trying her best under the circumstances, but her behaviour towards me could still be kinda toxic at times, which has taken time and therapy to realise.
Dad’s toxic behaviour was always obvious. Just remembered today the time he used my prescription medicine I had to keep in the fridge, after I asked him not to, but nobody replaced it for me. I was in middle school, so it’s not like I could have got a job to pay for another one myself.
Mind you, “theft” was practically his middle name where certain things in the house were concerned.
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Default Nov 15, 2021 at 10:56 AM
  #6
I am feeling angry today because I've not been eating properly.

it may seem trivial, but I am so fed up of preparing meals which end up

Possible trigger:
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Heart Nov 15, 2021 at 11:05 AM
  #7
So sorry to hear about your struggles, raging vortex

I'm glad you have a safe place here to vent. We're listening.
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Heart Nov 15, 2021 at 11:06 AM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
I’m angry that I got adopted by dysfunctional parents - I wasn’t expecting perfection but I needed better than the crapshow I got front row tickets to.
I’m grateful to mum for trying her best under the circumstances, but her behaviour towards me could still be kinda toxic at times, which has taken time and therapy to realise.
Dad’s toxic behaviour was always obvious. Just remembered today the time he used my prescription medicine I had to keep in the fridge, after I asked him not to, but nobody replaced it for me. I was in middle school, so it’s not like I could have got a job to pay for another one myself.
Mind you, “theft” was practically his middle name where certain things in the house were concerned.
So sorry you struggled with all of that, RoxanneToto. I'm glad you are able to vent in a safe space.

I'm angry at what they did to hurt you!
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Default Nov 15, 2021 at 11:55 AM
  #9
Thank you, SprinkL3, it does help I’m also sorry for what you have had to endure. Your post upthread has a lot of helpful stuff in it!
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Heart Nov 15, 2021 at 10:39 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
Thank you, SprinkL3, it does help I’m also sorry for what you have had to endure. Your post upthread has a lot of helpful stuff in it!
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Tongue Nov 15, 2021 at 10:43 PM
  #11
I was pangry today, and triggered.

I felt really defeated, lost, embarrassed, hurt, confused, and paranoid.

I felt like no one really cared, and like the world wants me gone.

I also had many micro flashbacks happen today, and I dissociated.

Even my system was in chaos earlier today.

I think we misinterpreted some things online, so we had to go away from the computer for a while. It would have been helpful to see more kinder replies, or kinder explanations, but it's hard these days to figure out what people mean or whose polarized political side they are on and whether or not that would mean more attacks and rejections of me and my alters.

Anger, for me, comes in many forms. Sometimes I get the depressed-angry feelings. Sometimes I get the pandemic-related "pangry" feelings. Sometimes I get the justified-angry feelings. And sometimes I just cry inside (not outside) because anger feelings hurt.
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Default Nov 16, 2021 at 10:56 AM
  #12
My anger is not addressed to anybody in particular. I simply don’t understand human selfishness. I don’t understand why some people have to suffer poverty and why there are so many differences between people.
My rage is against racist people, in a couple of words, abusive people ( for other people’s race, thoughts, culture, conditions, sexuality)
In other words, my range is against people who don’t respect or people who are self-centered, selfish.

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Default Dec 13, 2021 at 11:43 AM
  #13
I'm angry with people who fail repeatedly to respect others especially if this is intentional.

I'm angry with some judgmental A holes who ''should'' know better (some are blood'' relatives )

I'm angry with people who repeatedly label others with pejorative words.... naturally those same offenders are usually super ''sensitive'' themselves... not always.

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Default Dec 17, 2021 at 05:14 PM
  #14
I'm just seething over the Christmas present I got in the mail. I feel like she shouldn't get her prayers answered and I feel like she shouldn't bother to try to 'minister' to me to change me as a person. I ****ing hate her. I hope God doesn't bother to answer her prayers, no matter what kind she utters. Not only that. I hate everything today. I was supposed to go to town with someone and she changed her mind at the last minute saying she didn't want to go with me and practically threw the item around when it wasn't what she wanted. I feel like saying I'd love to throw this day away. I don't know I'm too glad that I exist at all, if that's how my life is going to go.
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Default Dec 17, 2021 at 05:16 PM
  #15
It seems like the very goals I wanted in life seem to take so much darn work.
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Default Dec 17, 2021 at 08:31 PM
  #16
I'm pangry, and I have every right to be!
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Default Dec 18, 2021 at 12:16 AM
  #17
“Pandemic fatigue “ those people who use this as an excuse to not follow protocol can go F themselves. I’m sure the loved ones of those that died are tired too.

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Attention Dec 18, 2021 at 07:23 AM
  #18
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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
“Pandemic fatigue “ those people who use this as an excuse to not follow protocol can go F themselves. I’m sure the loved ones of those that died are tired too.

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Ditto! They need professional help to deal with their denials, excuses, risk behaviors, conduct disorders, adjustment disorders, PTSD from traumatic losses due to Covid-19 restrictions, delusions, cognitive distortions, black-and-white thinking, personality disorder exacerbations, substance-use disorder increases, suicidal and homicidal behavioral problems, and more!

I lost loved ones to Covid-19, too!

It's NOT living in fear; on the contrary, it's living in the NEW NORM that is here to stay.

For those who need a lesson on "radical acceptance" - accept that this NEW NORM IS HERE TO STAY because of risk takers that prolonged this initially.

WEAR A MASK!
GET VACCINATED!
GET BOOSTED!
SOCIALLY DISTANCE!
PURIFY THE AIR!
ALLOW FRESH AIR INSIDE!
AVOID CROWDS!
ADHERE TO SCIENTIFIC DATA FROM EPIDEMIOLOGISTS AND OTHER SCIENTISTS!
CLEAN SURFACES AND HANDS, EVEN IF FOMITE TRANSIMISSION IS LOW; ACCUMULATION EFFECTS CAN INCREASE RISK, TOO!
USE CO2 MONITORS IN WORKSPACES AND AT SCHOOLS!
IMPLEMENT MASK MANDATES INDOORS IN PUBLIC SPACES!
INCREASE VACCINE MANDATES!

COMPLY! COMPLY! COMPLY! and GROW A PAIR OF EMPATHY ALREADY!
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Default Dec 18, 2021 at 08:09 AM
  #19
Angry at self for not writing a better email to my sister. I rushed it, and can’t take it back. Now I have to wait another 3 - 4 weeks on top of this month I’ve already been waiting, worrying I won’t get a reply. That’s when the social worker will email her to see if things are ok and if she does still want contact. I’m thinking the worst already.
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Crazy Dec 18, 2021 at 08:34 AM
  #20
When you have Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder; DID/MPD), and you have more than one angry alternate personality...

a thread just to be angry!

a thread just to be angry!

a thread just to be angry!

a thread just to be angry!

a thread just to be angry!

a thread just to be angry!

a thread just to be angry!

And when you're polyfragmented...

a thread just to be angry!
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