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JH8854
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Unhappy Nov 13, 2021 at 09:15 PM
  #1
Today I found out I am a half inch shorter than I thought I was, and feel very depressed, since I'm already quite under average. I know height is an immutable trait, but I feel like it severely limits any chance for me to be successful in life, especially in relationships. I've never been in a relationship and while I'm aware I'm not entitled to anyone's attraction, I know being short is viewed as very being undesirable for men, on average, since it's the opposite of masculine. I don't want to ruminate in a self-pitying way as its self-centered and not productive. The women I have gone out on dates with haven't brought up my height in a bad way, but I'm sure they noticed and cared about it.

I just want to stop fixating on this one aspect of my physical appearance and move on. Anyone in a similar situation to me?
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Default Nov 14, 2021 at 01:02 AM
  #2
When I got with my hubby he was self conscious about his height. In my work boots I'm about 5'8 maybe a bit over and bare foot I'm about 5'7, hubby is a little over 5'4. I can honestly say I've never cared about someone's height. It has nothing to do with what matters and what matters is what type of person they are.

After 13 years of marriage he has relaxed and doesn't bring it up anymore. I know it's easier said than done but focus on what matters and that's how you treat your partner. If you have the misfortune to run into someone that makes it an issue just know that it is their issue not yours. For me a person judging someone/trying to make them feel bad for something as arbitrary as height would be a red flag that I don't need this person in my life. (((huggs)))

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Default Nov 14, 2021 at 06:12 AM
  #3
You had similar thread before. Your height does not prevent you from being in a relationship. Plenty of short men are happily married or in relationships.

Have you ever been to therapy? You might want to run your experiences by a therapist and see if you can narrow down some reasons behind these difficulties.
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Default Nov 16, 2021 at 11:19 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
You had similar thread before. Your height does not prevent you from being in a relationship. Plenty of short men are happily married or in relationships.

Have you ever been to therapy? You might want to run your experiences by a therapist and see if you can narrow down some reasons behind these difficulties.
This

The fact that I tell you that height is not important will not help you because you see it in a different way. And I understand it. I understand that fixations and what they could affect you.
It’s only something that you will have to overcome and accept. Many times, when there’s a worry to an extreme, it’s good to go to a therapist and work on the issue.
Sure, you have lots of virtues and you are sadly wasting a precious time tormented because of the height factor.

But, how to do a person thinks in a different way or perceive himself in a different way? It’s impossible. Only you can walk this path.

Putting your height aside. Are you able to say something good about yourself?

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Jonahsam89
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Default Nov 16, 2021 at 10:15 PM
  #5
Hey, I'm also a short guy. We must all stop focusing on our height. There's not much you can do because it's primarily genetics!! What's the point of becoming depressed because you're not tall enough? I was worried about my height for a long time and then got used to it; what's the point of getting depressed because you're not tall enough?
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Heart Nov 17, 2021 at 04:53 AM
  #6
I agree with what all the comments said.

On my records, I'm 5'2". In reality, I'm 5' 1.5". Is it a big deal? Well, in terms of BMI - yes, because that could mean the difference between whether I'm at high-risk of severe disease or not, and whether I'm eligible for certain prevention meds or vaccines or not.

But in terms of relationships, it's not that big of a deal at all. Also, as we age, we shrink. Our bones don't have as much strength as we age, and our slouching might also make our backs curve more. The notice of that change doesn't really occur until past your 60s, but it could still affect you.

There are cosmetic surgeries that could break bones in your legs if you want to gain that extra height, but I've heard of that phenomenon among "little people," who are typically shorter than 4 feet 10 inches. I can understand why little people might feel the need to do this painful procedure, too, but it doesn't help little people with the health issues they have because of their abnormally low height.

If you are above 4 feet 10 inches, you are still considered within normal-height range, I believe. I'm not sure what the cutoff is for being considered a "little person."

If you are struggling with things like workplace accommodations, male urinals being too tall in certain male bathroom settings, etc., I could see how that could be an issue. I can also see how gender stereotypes on masculinity could factor in on your overall self-esteem and mental health as a cisgendered male person. For that, I'm sorry that society does that to you. It's wrong, and it's harmful. I can see how your feelings are valid, insofar that you are really concerned with what that means for you personally, and how you relate to a world that is so often judgmental, cold, harsh, and stereotypical in their relations.

That said, I agree with what everyone else here says. I will also add that your true friends and your true mate will love you for you - height, brains, abilities, disabilities, and all. The best way to attract others to you is to be confident in who you are. You might understand your limitations in a sense, but you don't have to feel down about it at all. You just simply acknowledge it and, perhaps, even become empowered by standing up for those who are short.

You are beautiful as you are - handsome, and all! Please don't beat yourself up about who you are and how you were born.

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