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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
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#1
Family is that group you grew up with but sometimes there’s nothing else beyond that.
I belong to a culture where family matters a lot but I see in my particular case, this idillic picture doesn’t take place. I know in other cultures, it’s easier to put up with this idea about people who matters are the ones you find in your life and you feel confortable with and you trust. But, in my case it’s harder to digest. Anyway, I have found that this is the reality. I don’t feel support by my family or at least, taken into consideration by them. It’s a sour fruit to eat but it’s true in many cases. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Discombobulated, mote.of.soul, NotFit, SprinkL3
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 3,618
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#2
I felt this way too until my father passed. Things are a lot better in my family now but I can certainly identify with what you write!
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AzulOscuro, Discombobulated, SprinkL3
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AzulOscuro, SprinkL3
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#3
My case is equal to yours but opposite in the sense that when my dad passed away, everything went downhill. It seems as everybody took their masks off, including myself.
Each day I cope worse with hypocrisy, it’s meaningless and when I see fake things, I begin to disengaging more and more from people who I perceive as such. I never have any problem with it when it happened to me with people outside the family but I never thought that it was gonna happen with close relatives. Kind of cultural stuff, I guess, that increases my incredulity but thinking in a rational way is completely understandable. The members in some families happen to understand and create strong bonds but in many cases, it doesn’t happen and I experience this last case. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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SprinkL3
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Posts: n/a
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#4
I have no family who I talk with anymore.
I don't even have the last name of them. when I was kicked out of the family, I was forced to change it |
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AzulOscuro, SprinkL3
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#5
I only hope you have other people to count with. Because all need other people. I’m sorry for what you go through with your family. Noone should go through this but it happens. My respect, affection and caring to you. It’s not easy the place you are in.
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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SprinkL3
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Member
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: California
Posts: 81
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#6
Azul,
From my experience, my family for the most part, have always found a way to remind me of how I messed up. They always like to remind me of my failures and for me, family has become bittersweet. There is one uncle, whom I have considered to be my worst adversary. He constantly reminds me of how I messed up, he never can see me for who I am today. I have never had the experience of what a "healthy" family should be, or perhaps is that a utopia? --Sarc |
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AzulOscuro, SprinkL3
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AzulOscuro
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Member
Member Since Aug 2021
Location: USA
Posts: 223
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#7
Blood family doesn’t mean ***t. If you have a loving family that you grew up with your very lucky.
I haven’t even spoken to my brothers or sisters in years. In the end you’ll find out how most people are just for themselves and really don’t care about others. We all seem to use each other and wear masks throughout life. Especially when it comes to $$$ ……then you really see the disgusting behavior of “ your family”. And I’m including the family you make after your birth family. Give me even just ONE good friend and I’ll be very happy. __________________ Trying to Live in the Moment |
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AzulOscuro, SprinkL3
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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2021
Location: MA
Posts: 12
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#8
I have a very skewed view of family due to my circumstances, but I will give you my 2 cents anyways.
I was adopted as a baby. I spent 3 months in an orphanage before my adopted parents took me home. When I was 4, my adopted mother died of cancer. I don't remember anything before the very moment my father told me my mom was dead. My dad remarried about a year later. My step family was emotionally abusive to me and I was all alone. My step mother even turned my father against me. I was in high school as well before I moved out, so this compounded the issue. My father died about 8 years ago of a massive stroke. It was just me and my step family (and my older sister who was adopted by my parents too, although she is not my blood sister) left to figure out life without him. For years, I played along thinking that was what my dad would want, but now I have completely shut them off. I don't even act like they exist. My wife forces me to email my step mom every now and again, but I do that as little as possible. I have my wife's family now who are supportive and loving and aware of my illness. Nothing I could do, short of abusing my wife, would make them love me any less. They say you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. I disagree. I believe you can choose your family AND your friends and I would be willing to cut off a family member faster than a friend because they are supposed to love you unconditionally. |
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AzulOscuro, RoxanneToto, SprinkL3
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AzulOscuro, RoxanneToto
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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SprinkL3
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#10
Quote:
I’m very happy you found warmth in your wife’s family. Finally, you found a place to be comfortable in. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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SprinkL3
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 513
3 62 hugs
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#11
Yeah. Family is family alright. You're less likely to feel happy in your family if you were born autistic because you felt that maybe you were the one that screwed up everything.
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AzulOscuro, RoxanneToto, SprinkL3
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
Parents as a rule, want a perfect child (if this even exists) so there’s a tendency to express this disappointment somehow or another. Obviously, not all parents and relatives are like that but there are still a big group who go themselves like this. You know what? Autism has nothing bad. I know it’s harder for others to establish connections with people who are like this (depending on the grade) but people is not perfect. Everyone has an issue, this or another nature. It doesn’t mind. The person is over it all. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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SprinkL3
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RoxanneToto
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2021
Location: MA: Stanberry, Missouri
Posts: 513
3 62 hugs
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#13
That's so true alright. Some parents would love a child who has nothing like that, especially no funny mannerisms and being able to socialize appropriately. Being born a girl was the cherry on top too. laughs. What hope would God have for me? I always felt like a rather sick family joke.
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AzulOscuro, RoxanneToto, SprinkL3
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AzulOscuro
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#14
I was also adopted and while I know I couldn’t stay with my birth family, I still consider them to be a part of me, in some ways more so than my adoptive one.
I met my brother (who I wasn’t told about) as a teenager, and now I’ve just started the process of reconciliation with him and my other siblings; I’ve been through a lot of disenfranchised grief and anger over the years, especially lately, as I found out both my adoptive and bio dad were addicts (addicts aren’t supposed to be allowed to adopt, but my adoptive dad’s alcoholism was covered up. I don’t drink, but I hate the fact it’s the main thing my life has revolved around, including being moved into pubs my dad was “working” in, to him having countless falls at home and out… plus there’s so much more I could literally, and comfortably fill a novel. Adoption is apparently meant to provide the chance of a better life for a child, but in my case I don’t think it was a huge step up). |
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AzulOscuro, SprinkL3
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AzulOscuro
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#15
Quote:
I’m sorry a lot. I can guess how much it all conditioned your development. Hope you are finding some peace of mind and consider yourself a person who deserves all. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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RoxanneToto, SprinkL3
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RoxanneToto
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2021
Location: In my Head
Posts: 23
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#16
Quote:
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SprinkL3
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AzulOscuro
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#17
Quote:
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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SprinkL3
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 6,991 hugs
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#18
Thank you, AzulOscuru, that’s very kind of you to say counselling for the past year has helped me a lot, thankfully.
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SprinkL3
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
given |
#19
__________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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SprinkL3
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