[Sohappy]

I am tired of fighting for myself and trying to be positive. I tried to genuinely care for other people and not compare myself but only to be judged me in areas where their life are blessed than me which is why they are judging me and putting me down. For example, my friend's doctor and she is happy in her job, so she judged me for being unhappy in mine when I am feeling intensely scrutinized at my job and treated poorly by my new boss. I am not a doctor like her. She has more money and options that I don't so I felt insulted. My Christian friend keeps telling me to pray for her and I feel stupid for praying for people who end up treating me so poorly.

And she says find out what your passion is and follow that as she has . It was just annoying because I struggled to find a dream job that financially can pay my bills for so long and instead ended up jobless for many years.

I don't love my job that much to be scrutinized and be treated miserable by my own boss. And my family also tell me to grateful I have a good paying job than theirs but I have been working unpaid overtime just to meet my new boss's standards when I am in an entry level position. I can't complain about my job because nobody is going to care. Other workers have told me so. I am too exhausted and I don't have it in me to look for another job.

I fear losing my job every day as I am feeling bullied and harrassed every day. And people judge me for not spending more money and refusing to rent an apartment. Instead I am sharing apartment with friend. Rent is ridiculously high where I live. People judge me for living with my friend because they think I should get my own place.

I don't see a point of spending money when I might lose my job and I work from home and who cares if I have nice clothes or not. I could be homeless. I don't think I can get another job because it took me forever for me to find this one. It's not so easy. And I work from home, so I don't have to dress up.

I am sick of caring for my job because they keep questioning my performance and it's hurting my self esteem. I am afraid to spend my money because I can lose it any time and I have bills to pay. I am trying to hold down 2 jobs but my main job is what am I most worried about.

My housemate I am staying with is getting angry at me for working so much too because he prepares my meals which most is my frozen foods he microwaved and he doesn't want me to lose my main job but he wanted me to quit my part time weekend job but I keep it because I need the money and I don't have to cook meals and my housemate doesn't like to cook much.

I try not to eat out too much because it can get expensive and I am having to eat frozen tv dinners for most nights because my housemate is too picky. He won't allow me to use his kitchen and if I buy raw meat for him to cook, he complains its not organic, so he permits me getting frozen foods if it's just for me. When I am sick of my microwaved frozen food, I order takeout for us because he treated me in the past and he expects me to treat him too.

I am tired of caring/worrying/praying about others when they don't care about me. I have been praying for my family but they are constantly giving me grief and they want me to pay for their holiday celebration. I don't care for Christmas or birthdays because I am just having to pay for it. I prayed my siblings would find better jobs but it's not happening.

My 2nd weekend job is now scheduling me for both days on the weekend due to Christmas holidays coming up and I am exhausted.

I feel upset about my lack of choices.

[Yaowen]

I am so sorry you are in that unfair and unhappy situation. I can definitely identify with you from my own personal experiences. Wish I knew what to say that would help! It is so awful what you are going through!

[bpforever1]

I totally understand your feelings. I used to be a doctor myself and understand your feelings about your acquaintance. I am now struggling to make ends meet but am not complaining. Such is life.I don't really care how other people perceive me. I tell you why. I was homeless once and hit the pits. I learned a lot during this period and am grateful for what I have now. So, live your life the way you want and don't be so concerned by others' criticism or thoughts about you. It's your life, not theirs. They are not living for you either so if you don't want to rent or can't afford to eat out, then do what you can to make your life liveable. Do what makes you happy. Yes, working for money is important but don't make that the end focus. Live your life and take care of yourself. I know how it is to have to work to survive. But, it's better than being homeless. So, hang in there. Try not to think negatively about your situation. Maybe, you will find other jobs eventually. Don't give up believing that life will get better. Do your best to live life well within your means. Also, your roommate sounds like an a-hole. Is there any way you can find another cheap place to live and use the kitchen? This way you won't have to eat frozen dinners all of the time. Also, believe in yourself. If you don't want to pray then don't. The power of prayer is in the mind. Action is more important than prayers. Thus, take action to improve your life. If you don't like your life, then change it, don't just complain. If I kept listening to my parents, I will be on the streets in a little while since they don't think I should work too hard. But, I need to survive I looked all over to find another job. The best I could do was find one in another city but heck I'm going to take it and see what happens. If I keep doing nothing and listen to others tell me not to live how I want, then that is my problem, isn't it? So,live the way you want. If you don't like your friends, then drop them. Go to another church. do something for yourself. If you don't take action to change your life, then all you can do is complain. Take action, make a difference. Change what you can in your life, then see what happens. Blessings!